


Take Me Back

by fandomsunlimited



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: 68W!Alex, AU, Angst, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, detective!Maggie, paramedic!Alex, sanvers au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-24
Updated: 2018-01-27
Packaged: 2018-11-04 11:45:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 56,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10990260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomsunlimited/pseuds/fandomsunlimited
Summary: “Wow look at you go. Doctor Danvers. Nice title you have there.”“Alex. Call me Alex.”“No can do Doctor Danvers. I’m not dropping that until you drop the whole ‘Detective Sawyer’ thing. First name basis level grounds for us both or I’m keeping up the act.”Alex Danvers is a paramedic, and she's good at her job. But when she meets the cheeky detective Sawyer her world is thrown into a tailspin as she falls for a girl she shouldn't be falling for. Because Alex is hiding a big part of her life. So she keeps her distance. But that doesn't always work out the way she wants it to...





	1. Paramedic

Alex was good at her job. She prided herself on that. She knew how to act fast. She knew what to do when you had next to nothing to work with. She knew what a disaster looked like and how to stay calm in almost every situation that was thrown at her. She was a paramedic, these traits generally came with the job. There was a learning curve, sure, but Alex Danvers had never needed much time to get up to speed on anything. She’d always been a fast learner and she’d always taken pride in that too.

What Alex didn’t take pride in, though, was the fact that sometimes she slipped up. Sometimes she made mistakes and she lost lives. It didn’t happen often, and she took responsibility when it did, but that was also something that came with the job. As hard as she tried to save every life that was put in her hands, in the ambulances she rode, she couldn’t save all of them. And that was hard to swallow a lot of the time. Because Alex would go home and relive every second of that day, trying to see where she’d gone wrong, wishing that she’d done something differently. It kept her awake a lot, and those faces never really left her mind. So she had a list of tragedies she felt like she could have prevented tucked away in her mind. A box so well hidden that she was okay most days. But sometimes, when she’d been drinking, or when she’d lost another patient, the faces would resurface. They’d flash in her mind, burning holes in that box she’d built around them. And with the images came all the pain too, leaving her in the dust, leaving her sobbing in Kara’s arms or alone in her apartment. It was agony. 

But then she’d fall asleep.

And then the sun would rise and it would be a new day.

And then Alex would get up and keep going, because that’s what she did. Never the one to give up. Never the one to let something hold her down for too long. Because people needed her and she was ready to help. Always. She was always ready to help; even if that meant putting her life on the line.

Some days they’d be lucky enough to only get a handful of calls only to arrive at a scene where nothing more was needed than a quick patch job. It was days like these the Alex loved because it meant that people were keeping safe. And it also meant that she could enjoy National City as it stood strong and peaceful, rather than watching the crushing defeat of yet another big tragedy take grip upon it. Kara was amazing when it came to saving the day. She’d prevented more casualties in the past year of being Supergirl than anything else the city had tried before. But, of course, it was never enough. There was always new threats, and with new threats came panic and injury and death. But that was okay, because mixed in with all of that were the smiles and the hugs and the saved lives. It was amazing to see and incredible to share among everyone that had helped.

That’s one thing that Alex loved about being a paramedic; getting to know the other “heroes” of National City. She was familiar with most of the firefighters and a lot of the cops. The detectives were generally a little more elusive because they often got to the scene after Alex and her crew had sped off with any patients, but she knew a handful of them. But that Saturday she was about to meet another. She was about to meet Maggie Sawyer. 

“Priority four on twenty seventh and eighth.” The radio piped as Alex, her partner for the day Jane, and their driver Connor were just making it past National City Bank on 18th avenue and chatting about their last day together. The trio were the strongest group that the hospital had on hand, and they were rarely all in the same ambulance, seeing as their unique skills sets made any team they were on excel. Connor had undergone a half dozen defensive driving courses and was able to weave traffic, deal with weather, and make it back to the hospital in record time. Jane had been a paramedic for ten years, and had worked in sports rehabilitation before that, so her extensive knowledge of human anatomy and basic sports medicine treatments made her one of the most respected paramedics on staff. Alex, well… Alex had a medical degree. She was the only paramedic to have such high qualification in the state, let alone the city. She was head of paramedic staff, appointed as of four years ago. She had the medical knowledge, the paramedic training, and the quick-thinking skills that allowed her to have racked up more saves than anyone else, coming close to beating out some of the trauma doctors back in the ER. So when they were all together they were unstoppable. But that only happened on slow days, because dispersing them was the best way to avoid casualties.

“Copy” Connor said into the radio himself, taking the next turn to make the drive over to the scene they were called to, knowing that a priority four meant that the situation was under control and no one was fatally hurt, although there may be some paramedic assistance needed. As they arrived at the scene, which turned out to be attempted robbery at a high-end technology store, Alex was already analyzing the scene. The arrest had already been made and the perpetrator taken into custody, but most of the cops were still on scene, a few of them with bullet grazes and bruises from the commotion of the arrest. Thankfully, no one was seriously injured. Alex popped open the back door and jumped out, grabbing her kit and walking over to the first police officer there that she knew, a strong woman named Maxine Bohen. 

“Who needs a patch job?” She asked, quickly assessing that Maxine herself was okay, looking around at the half-dozen cops around. None of them seemed to be in bad shape, although Alex could already see there was a few lacerations that clearly needed stiches. 

“Alex, hey, nice to see you again.” Maxine replied, looking up from her clipboard and taking a look around at her own team, trying to prioritize. “Booker needs some stitches, I think that Foster will be fine, just a nice bruise from being shoved against his car… Detective Sawyer got a nice bullet graze on her shoulder and could potentially have a broken wrist, she’ll need an x-ray. And Morrison needs someone to take a look at his ankle, Jane can probably asses his injuries quickly if you want to send her there.”

“Okay great, I’ll send her to look at Morrison and Booker. Who’s Sawyer? I’ll get her in the ambulance and take her in for x-rays, we’re heading back anyway, no point wasting gas by taking a cruiser too…” Alex said, opening up her kit and getting out a suture kit, ready already for whatever injury she’d have to patch up. She directed Jane to the two men needing her assessment and then marched over towards the detective that was sitting on a bench while holding her bleeding shoulder, laughing at something Foster had said. Alex walked up confidently, both the detective and the cop turning to look at her and nodding. “Sawyer right? Maxine said you needed some stiches and an x-ray.”

“You’d be corrected” detective Sawyer answered smugly, cocking her head sideways as she watched Alex kneel down and pull some gloves on, ready to take a look at the cut on the detective’s shoulder. “Didn’t catch your name, what should I call you? Paramedic?” Alex laughed slightly and sat beside Sawyer on the bench, taking a look at the now-exposed wound on her left deltoid, assessing immediately that it would need at least ten stiches. 

“Alex Danvers” She replied as she started to clean the shoulder in front of her, seeing the detective flinch at the sting of the antiseptic. “But Alex is fine. Nice to meet you Detective Sawyer, I haven’t seen your face around here before.”

“Maggie.” The woman replied shortly. “If I’m going to be calling you Alex, you can call me Maggie. I just joined the force a few months ago and don’t generally make a habit of injuring myself on the job.”

“You’re the kind of person I like Sawyer, someone who stays out of trouble.” Alex said, teasing her about the name thing as she finished cleaning out Maggie’s wound, getting her suture kit ready and changing her gloves, not wanting to warrant an infection. “I’m just going to stitch you up and then you get to join us medics in the ambulance for a ride.”

“Oh do I?” Maggie asked, looking at the precision at which Alex was stitching her up, she’d never seen anyone do it with such grace and perfection before, it was impressive. “Usually I’m the one driving though, so I might have to pass up your offer.”

“Not an offer detective, you need an x-ray.” She replied smugly, biting her lip as she tied off the last of the stitches and bandaged up the detective’s arm, putting away all of her things and standing up, offering a hand to the new, and very snarky, girl she’d just met. “Come on, let’s go.” 

With an eye roll Maggie accepted the help up, dropping her hand as she stood up, her other arm still wrapped up in the make-shift sling that Booker had rigged up for her, following Alex towards the ambulance that was parked about twenty feet from them without hesitation. Alex, on the other hand, was taken aback; surprised at how short Maggie was. In reality, she was probably just a few inches shorter than her, but with her larger-than-life personality, she’d expected her stature to reflect that. Apparently not. The detective didn’t let that get the best of her though. She walked with a confidence that Alex rarely saw and seemed to own the room. Somehow she managed to convey a personality that could lead to people moving out of her way or, alternatively, but simultaneously, trust and approach her for help. The two seemingly clashing demeanors mixed in a weird sort of “I’ll help you but don’t fuck with me” kind of way. It was very unique, but it worked. 

Once Jane was done working on Booker and Morrison, neither of them needing to get looked at more at the hospital, she joined Alex, Maggie, and Connor, hopping in the front seat, leaving the back for the other two girls, who climbed in from the back, strapping in across from each other. Alex put away her things and pulled out her phone, making sure there wasn’t any texts from Kara, before relaxing into the bench. Maggie, on the other, had begun looking through things and playing with the expensive equipment within arm’s reach.

“Don’t touch anything.” Alex warned, crossing her arms over her chest and looking at Maggie sternly. The detective caught her eye and seemed very keen to argue, but dropped her hand and leaned forward instead, resting her uninjured elbow on her knee. She raised an eyebrow at Alex, whose gaze didn’t falter. “Its expensive stuff Sawyer, don’t want you mucking it up with your rough cop hands.”

“Well, you’re certainly a treat aren’t you?” Maggie snorted, leaning back into her seat, her free hand fidgeting with the sling on her other side. She relaxed a little then, looking around at the impressive ambulance, taking it all in. She’d ridden in some before, but she’d never actually been fully aware of what was going on, so that was new. “So. What kind of training do you medics gets anyway? Do you need a med degree or something?”

“You work alongside paramedics every day, shouldn’t you know the answer to that question already?” Alex replied, visibly getting more annoyed by the smaller woman’s attitude. She waited for an answer that didn’t come, so she broke first. “No, we don’t need a medical degree. It’s a two to four year certification program. Course work to begin with, but a lot of field work and practice alongside certified paramedics. That being said, I do have a medical degree.”

“Wow look at you go. Doctor Danvers. Nice title you have there.” Maggie teased, easing up on the intimidating look she’d been giving Alex since she got told off for touching the equipment. Alex huffed at her, rolling her eyes at the cockiness. 

“Alex. Call me Alex.” 

“No can do Doctor Danvers. I’m not dropping that until you drop the whole ‘Detective Sawyer’ thing. First name basis level grounds for us both or I’m keeping up the act.” Maggie said with a huge smirk on her face as she kept her eyes on Alex, who was silently fuming, not used to being one-upped when it came to snarky remarks and teasing. This Maggie Sawyer was giving her a run for a money, something Alex wasn’t sure she was very fond of. So she just looked at Maggie, trying to get a read on her past the hard-ass detective persona, but having no luck. 

“Right well, detective, what’s the deal with the robbery at the bank anyway? Any cool backstories?” Alex asked, changing the subject, knowing she wouldn’t be winning this battle any time soon. And, besides, she was always interested to know what exactly had gone down at the scenes she showed up at, something that helped in terms of treatment and execution of her work. Of course she usually got the info she needed because she was first on site, but today they’d arrived later, so she wasn’t really familiar with the incident.

“Nothing much to say.” Maggie started, her eyes piquing interest that Alex seemed to be wanting to know about a crime scene. “Kid just needed the money from what I heard. He’s nineteen, probably just got caught up in the wrong crowd. Why do you want to know? Don’t you guys only care about traumas?”

“I want to know the full story.” Alex said, taking no offense to the questions she was asked, most people thought it was peculiar that Alex was also interested in the crime scene story rather than just the medical needs of the commotion. “Knowing the details helps me treat my patients better. Lots of medics and doctors negate the psychological damage, I just like to cover my bases.”

“Seems like a good quality to have, I’m impressed.”

“Wow, impressing you? That’s a first.” Alex sneered, her snarky attitude making a comeback again. “Honestly though I analyze things a lot. Makes me good at reading people, and it makes me want to help everyone. Which can be a good and a bad thing…” With that last comment they were pulling up at the hospital, Maggie’s next question getting caught into the hustle of the paramedics hopping out and beginning to do what they needed in the parking bay. Maggie was directed to the emergency room desk with her paperwork and carted off for x-rays while Alex cleaned up the ambulance and restocked her kit before locking up the ambulance and joining Jane and Connor for lunch. 

What Alex didn’t expect was to see Maggie again before she left for the second round of her shift on the roads. The small detective looked rather defeated as she walked through the hallways of the huge hospital, right past the room Alex had been eating lunch in. She got up when she saw her and sauntered out to catch the detective before she left the building, calling her name as she ran up behind her.

“Ah, Danvers, hey.” Maggie said, cocking her head sideways. “What’s up?”

“That was actually my question. No broken wrist?” Alex asked, hands on her hips as she looked at Maggie’s cast-free arm. 

“Nope. A nice sprain but I’ll be fine. Apparently I have to come in to get it looked at again in a few days though.” Maggie shrugged as the pair began walking towards the ER exit together. “Not that I’ll show up, I’ll be fine. Besides the nurses over there all seem to have a log up their asses so I’d rather not have to deal with them again.”

Alex furrowed her eyebrows at the comment, knowing full-well that if they wanted Maggie to come in for a check-up that they were serious. But also knowing, even in the short time that she’d known Maggie Sawyer, that the detective wasn’t kidding when she said she probably wouldn’t show.

“You should really listen to them. They know what they’re talking about. It’ll take like five minutes tops.”

“I’ll come back. If you give me that check-up.” Maggie replied bluntly, stopping and stepping in front of Alex, the two barely standing a foot from each other now, the detective looking up at the paramedic, making herself seem larger than she was with the strong gaze she held. “I prefer really cute doctors to grumpy nurses any day.” 

“I-- I’m not your doctor. Or even responsible for you at all come to think of it.” Alex replied, clearly flustered at the very blunt flirting, stepping back but not backing down. “Look. If I’m in when you’re back in then fine. But otherwise you’re just going to have to suck it up and deal with the nurses.”

“All right, deal. See you around Danvers.”

Alex watched as the detective strutted right out of the door they’d come in together. She kept her eyes glued on the door longer than was probably considered normal before peeling her gaze away and back towards the chart she’d been holding in her hand, dropping it back off at the counter and hopping back into the ambulance with Jane and Connor, who’d been waiting for her.

The rest of the shift went rather smoothly, the ambulance being called to a mild car crash and then to a seniors home where one of the residents was having chest pains. All in all it was a very easy day for both the paramedics and the hospital, leaving Alex riding her Ducati home with a smile on her face. She felt her phone buzz in her pocket as she was pulling into her parking space in the garage of her apartment, tugging it out as she got off the bike.

 ** _Pizza and potstickers tonight??!?!?!_** Kara had asked, her text as enthusiastic as the girl was in everyday life. Alex laughed and sent and affirmative text back to her sister as she unlocked her apartment door, tossing her coat on the couch and heading to her fridge to grab a water bottle, knowing she shouldn’t be having a beer if she was riding over to Kara’s later. Then she changed into some jeans and an old Stanford hoodie she had laying around, pulling out a bar stool and reading through the news on her phone. 

**_Alex?? Now??_ **

**_Kara I just got home… Fine. I’ll leave soon I just need to change._ **

Alex rolled her eyes and figured she best be getting on her way. She knew Kara would bug her about how long it took her to get there, which totally wasn’t fair when you had super speed flight on your side, but whatever. And with the prospect of a sister’s evening with Kara, Alex’s mind was completely off the annoying detective she’d spent the day with. 

She felt the winds rushing through her short hair once more as she drove to Kara’s apartment, an overnight bag on her back with two pints of ice cream shoved in the top, knowing that her sister would be silently disappointed if Alex didn’t bring any even if she hadn’t been asked. 

She pulled up ten minutes later, walking right in, knowing Kara never kept her door locked if she was home, no matter how many times Alex had told her it was a good idea. She tossed the ice cream in the freezer and joined Kara on the couch, who’d already ordered their food and was currently deciding what movie she wanted to watch that night, knowing that Alex wasn’t picky as long as there was at least one gun in it.

“So, how was the run today?” Kara asked as Saving Private Ryan came to a close, turned to look at Alex, who had a giant spoon of ice cream in her mouth, smirking at her dorky older sister who only pretended to be badass. Okay, she was badass, but not all the time, especially not on sister night. Alex swallowed her spoonful as fast as she could without getting a brain freeze but still scrunched her face up at the cold food making its way down her throat before answering.

“Good, yeah. Nothing too serious. A car crash, a chest-pained senior, and a quick spin by that attempted robbery to patch up some cops.” Alex explained, listing off her cases on her fingers, pausing on the last one. “Actually I met one of NCPD’s new detectives today. Her name’s Maggie Sawyer and I already know she’s going to give me a run for my money…”

“Ohhhhhhh tell me more!!” Kara exclaimed, hitting Alex excitedly on the arm, knowing the _‘I may have a crush on this girl in the future’_ look Alex was currently wearing.

“Geez Kara calm down, it’s not like that. She’s a pain in the ass I swear. All cocky like she knows everything. She was also fiddling with all my shit in the ambulance like she owned the place. Seriously, this girl needs to know her place.” She rolled her eyes as she explained further, getting Kara up to speed with all the events of her day, her sister’s smirk not leaving her face for one second, still determined that she would be right about Alex liking Maggie one day. 

Eventually, after a lot of teasing and too much food, the pair decided to tuck in for the night, not unused to sharing Kara’s queen sized bed. The blonde fell asleep quickly as per usual while Alex was left staring at the ceiling. But tonight was different than most; because she wasn’t seeing the faces of her patients. No, that night she was seeing the smirking face of Detective Maggie Sawyer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a fair few chapters written for this story already, so I'll be able to post pretty regularly. I'll update the tags when I post the chapter with Alex's secret reveal in it. 
> 
> That being said, it leads to some sensitive topics, so if you have any questions feel free to message me on tumblr (@nat-on-the-run) and I'd be happy to have a chat about it!


	2. Frontrunner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 3am isn't a time people want to be awake, and yet...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next chapter for you guys! 
> 
> Warning here that is does get pretty graphic, so be careful with that if it's not your thing. 
> 
> As usual feel free to comment whatever you like and if you have any further questions you can reach me on tumblr (nat-on-the-run) or twitter (@nerdalert_nat) pretty easily.
> 
> Enjoy!

It was three in the morning and pitch black outside when Alex got the phone call that all paramedics were to report to the hospital immediately. There had been a building collapse and all hands were needed, especially Alex’s.

The chief of surgery had called her personally to tell her that she would go right to the site of the collapse and was to stay there to do damage control as much as she could before the patients were whisked off in the ambulances that would be making continual round trips. She was to prioritize and delegate, as per usual in crisis situations.

It was nothing out of the ordinary really. She was used to being called in at strange hours of the day, except on both Fridays and Saturdays, as she had other, very permanent, commitments each week. So Alex got up and got dressed in her work clothes, pulling on a leather coat over top and climbing on the back of her Ducati to speed off towards the hospital, which was only a short ride away.

She was pulling off her coat and turning off her bike’s engine at the same time, running through the Emergency Room doors to hang her things before hopping in the next available ambulance, already putting a list together of all her staff and where they might be most useful.

“Alex. Great. Take Matthew with you.” The head trauma surgeon yelled across the room at her when she arrived ready to work. She nodded silently and looked over at Matthew, who returned her look as they both headed right towards a waiting ambulance, crammed in there with two other paramedics and two fourth year surgical residences that worked at the hospital.

None of them talked as they made their way to the scene, all preparing for the horror they were about to witness, a half dozen casualties having already been reported.

It was chaos when they arrived on scene. A large fire was being put out, countless bodies and severely wounded people were laying scattered across the concrete in no sort of order. Firefighters were carrying people out from the rubble, and there must have been close to a dozen cop cars surrounding the streets and keeping the seemingly endless amount of curious citizens watching away from the bulk of the action.

Alex immediately sprang into action, sprinting out towards the rest of her staff already on site, getting as much into in a rapid-fire questions session as she could, and yelling out orders for transport as fast and as loudly as she could. They followed her orders without question and soon enough there was a rhythm to the work of the paramedics. Although she knew her employees could very well handle anything that would be coming at them, Alex took it upon herself to take on the biggest trauma, a seventeen year old boy with severe chest injuries including but not limited to: a collapsed lung, a huge gash in the side of his torso, a shard of glass in his lower abdomen, and, at the very least, a severe concussion. At the worst? Permanent brain damage.

She started by securing his neck and then moved on to try and stop the bleeding from the side abdomen wound, knowing that he couldn’t feel the pain while being knocked out, but trying to be gentle to avoid further damage anyway. She was trying to get a handle on the pressure on his side wound but couldn’t do it alone. She looked up to call over another paramedic but was clean out of luck when they were all deep in their own work. It was then that she saw Maggie, looking very stoic as she helping carry injured people into ambulances. She yelled her name and felt the detective at her side immediately.

“Take over from my hands. Put pressure on the wound while I get together a strong bandage to keep the skin from tearing more while he’s transported.” Alex said sternly, feeling soft hands cover her own before she pulled hers back, immediately diving into her kit and rummaging around for anything, anything, that might be able to keep the wound closed and sterile long enough to save the kid’s life. Maggie, meanwhile, was holding down as hard as she could, taking her given task very seriously as she watched Alex furiously look around for something to help. Eventually the paramedic was back at her side, wrapping what seemed to be an oversized thick sling around the boy’s torso, tightly wrapping Maggie’s hands with it knowing that they’d be able to slip out with the stretch of the material. “You’re coming with me to the hospital, I need you to keep that pressure on him side, the bandage won’t be enough.”

“Okay.” Maggie said simply, keeping her headstrong attitude in check as she readjusted her hands to press on top of the newly applied bandage to keep it cleaner, knowing her hands weren’t the most sanitary thing to be putting on a gaping wound. Together, with the help of a few other hands, they got the boy on a gurney and into the back of Connor’s ambulance, the engine already running and ready to go. As the back doors slammed shut Alex was poking her head towards to front of the vehicle.

“Connor. Go. I’m going to try to stabilize this giant shard in his abdomen and clean out the rest of the glass so try to avoid sharp turns please.” Alex commented, pulling on latex gloves and reaching over the body to pull a strap around Maggie’s waist, knowing that the detective wouldn’t be used to the rustling of a moving ambulance, especially when her hands were occupied. Maggie felt Alex’s breath on her neck briefly as she was buckled into place, but the taller woman was gone in a second, her hands back on the boy as she, with a sudden gentleness, tried to take away any extra glass that was sticking out of his sides, trying to limit the glass damage to the large piece. Watching Alex work was mesmerizing to say the least. Her focus was astounding as it never broke from the task at hand, no matter what noises and movements came up; she’d simply adjust her positioning and be back to work in a split second.

It was tedious work, pulling out little pieces of glass from a body while in a moving ambulance. But by the time they were halfway to the emergency room most of the non-life-threatening glass, from what Maggie could see, was out of the body, only the large and most fatal-looking piece still stuck in his side. Alex had managed to clean around the glass as much as she was able, and although it was still horrifying, the injury was already looking a lot more promising than it had when they’d sped away from the scene.

But still, there was so much blood.

And there was so much uncertainty.

“Alex. The bandage is bleeding through.” Maggie said, looking down at her hands getting covered in the blood of the stranger, worried at the rate it seems to be flowing. She heard Alex curse and fumble around to grab another of the large wraps she’d used originally. She made quick work of the bandage, flicking Maggie’s hands off briefly to get as tight a wrap as she could before replacing them and holding them there tightly, catching Maggie’s eye.

“As hard as you can okay? It won’t hurt him, he’s unconscious. It’s the only way to get him to the hospital alive.” With another nod Maggie was leaning forward more, putting her weight into it, not caring how much her arms ached, having endured worse.

Meanwhile, Alex was now intubating the boy, whose breathing had become ragged and uneven as the ride progressed. She got the breathing tube in easily, hooking it up to the ventilator and flicking it on while she reached back to pull out a few syringes. Maggie assumed they were filled with epinephrine for the worst case scenario wherein Alex would have to restart this boy’s heart. Luckily though, they made it to the hospital before that kind of drastic action was needed.

Suddenly both Alex and Maggie were rushing out of the ambulance and being surrounded by many, many doctors that were coming to help. Someone took over for Maggie, her hands suddenly still by her side while Alex lifted her arms up, leaving the gurney to the surgeons as the kid was sped off inside. The paramedic took a deep breath then and leaned against the side of the ambulance, the exhaustion catching up to her finally. She was about to tell Maggie to go find someone to clean her up while she got back on the ambulance but was told that there were no more survivors and the ambulances that were already heading back to the site could handle the retrieval of bodies.

“Yeah? Okay that’s good I guess…” Alex muttered as she sat down in the back of the ambulance, pulling off her gloves and immediately running a hand through her hair. She looked up at Maggie, who was still rather shell-shocked, her hands completely covered in blood. “Come on, I’ll clean you up and get you a change of clothes.”

“Thank you.”

“It’s a crazy job isn’t it? Being a paramedic.” Alex commented as they walked inside together. Maggie simply nodded, never having realized just how chaotic it was. She was used to the trill of being a cop, but trying to save someone’s life while in a speeding vehicle was in a completely different ballpark. The stakes were higher in the moment, and Alex had handled it so gracefully. Obviously, it was her job. But it was still remarkable. “You did great out there. Thank you Maggie.”

“Maggie? Using my first name now?” Maggie teased, regaining some of her wit back, the shock wearing off now, leaving her rather tired, a yawn making its way to her mouth.

“Yeah, well, pffft.” She got in return, Alex nudging her with her shoulder. “You called me Alex anyway. We’re square.” She lead Maggie through the hospital and into a restricted area of the building, silencing the detective’s protest while assuring her that if she had an escort it was fine for her to be there. Alex found a quiet examination room, pulling aside two of the chairs from the corner and sitting Maggie down before ducking out of the room quickly to grab a couple things. She came back with some hydrogen peroxide and a tray. Alex laughed at Maggie’s raised eyebrow as she eyed the bottle cautiously. “It’s for your hands, hydrogen peroxide helps get the blood out and prevent staining.”

Maggie sat quietly as Alex cleaned up her hands carefully, making sure to get everything. She then helped her shrug off her police coat and offered to wash it but getting turned down. Once the detective was all cleaned up Alex excused herself for a bit and came back in a new outfit, one she probably kept at the hospital, with dark jeans, a grey t-shirt, and a leather coat. She sat down across from Maggie again and yawned.

“So, you should probably be heading back to the NCPD shouldn’t you?” Alex asked, crossing her arms across her chest, eyes barely staying open. Maggie laughed and shrugged.

“I mean yeah eventually… My shift ended an hour and a half ago. I really just need to get my bike to go home.”

“What do you ride?” Alex asked, sitting up a little straighter and seeming a lot less tired now. Maggie smirked and laughed lowly at the body language. “I have a Ducati sitting outside.”

“A Triumph Boneville T100. I’ve had it for years. The most reliable bike I’ve ever owned.”

“Reliable maybe, but you don’t have the horsepower I do. I should take you for a spin on a real bike one day.” Alex said, not realizing for a second that the prospect of being on the back of Alex’s bike with her arms wrapped around her torso had made the detective’s mouth go dry. She nodded along, unable to form words for a few seconds. “My ex got scared but you seem like the type to be able to handle it.”

“Your ex got scared? Wow he must have been some different brand of dude, I’ve never heard of a guy being wary about riding a bike before. It’s the whole macho thing they have going on…”

“Oh. No. Ex-girlfriend.” Alex added simply, clenching her jaw and waiting for Maggie’s reaction. She’d had every response in the book to her coming out and was prepared for anything, good or bad, that the detective would throw at her. Maggie simply cocked her head sideways and hummed to herself. What Alex said next surprised Maggie as the medic had obviously forgotten about the detective’s flirting last time they’d met. “What? Is that wrong or something? Because I swear if you’re homophobic I’d prefer to keep this relationship simply professional. I’m not about to even attempt to be friends with a homophobe.”

Before Alex knew what was happening Maggie was laughing her ass off and nearly falling off the chair she sat on. The reaction was a little excessive, but the lack of sleep accounted for that. Alex was even more confused then, sitting up straight and furrowing her eyebrows, shooting the detective a questioning look.

“It’d be a little hard for me to be homophobic Danvers, I’m gay too.”

“You’re—Oh! Oh my god. I’m sorry for assuming.” Alex backtracked as fast as she could, her hands flying up as she talked with them dramatically, only making Maggie laugh harder, the girl not having been offended whatsoever. The girl kept rambling on and on, apologizing profusely until Maggie put up her hand to stop her. It was adorable so she did let her go on longer than was necessary, but she eventually stopped her and let her know it was okay.

With that the pair decided to take their conversation somewhere where they weren’t using up a room that may be needed. They ended up in the paramedic’s lounge, Alex pouring Maggie a glass of water and the two of them discussing what had happened that night. From the minute Maggie got on scene, the detective filling Alex in with all the details she knew, and Alex coming in with tidbits of medical information regarding what Maggie had seen. They stayed there for a good half hour, not even realizing that time was speeding by.

“So. Let me know if this is too forward but—” Maggie started before getting interrupted by a nurse opening the door and poking her head in, locking eyes with Alex, whose attention shifted to the newcomer immediately.

“Alex. Doctor Blake told me to come find you. Jason Cooper, the seventeen year old kid you brought in. He didn’t make it…” She informed them. Maggie looked over at Alex, who’d suddenly lost all emotion in her eyes and gone completely rigid. It was a stark contrast from the glowing and chatty girl that had been sitting across from her mere seconds before. She nodded quickly as the nurse ducked back out.

“I have to go.” Alex said, standing up and avoiding Maggie’s eyes. The taller woman scooped up her motorcycle helmet and was out of the room faster than a speeding bullet, leaving a coolness in her wake and leaving Maggie both confused and a little hurt that she was just dropped like a phone call.

Alex, meanwhile, had put on her helmet and was already starting her bike’s engine. She felt the power in her hands, the rumble of the bike vibrating through to the handles, giving Alex a rush of adrenaline she rarely got from anything else.  She was speeding off towards her apartment without a look back at the hospital, her mind completely numb. It took her half the normal amount of time to get across the city, drifting into the parking garage and storming upstairs. She was in her workout clothes in less than thirty seconds, and back out the door for a run even quicker than that. And then Alex ran, and ran, and ran.

She ran until her mind went blank.

She ran until her calves burned.

She ran until her lungs gave out.

She ran until sweat was dripping down her body.

She ran until the physical pain was outweighing the emotional pain. And then she went home, wrapped up her hands, and took out the rest of her energy on her heavy bag. She pushed herself farther than she ever had before. Because he was just seventeen. He hadn’t even finished high school. Jason Cooper. His name ran through her head with every punch. Jason Cooper. A left jab and a right hook. Jason Cooper. A triple blow to the middle of the bag. Jason Cooper. Her legs were getting involved now. Jason Cooper. Jab. Jason Cooper. Punch. Jason Cooper. Kick.

“Fuck.” She muttered finally as she nearly collapsed, throwing one more punch before breathing heavily and leaning onto the back of her couch. She knew to stop then. Now that she was exhausted it was time for the whiskey. So Alex unwrapped her hands and pulled out a glass and a bottle. She drank her way through what seemed like a lethal dose before she heard the knock at her door.

She should have known Kara would show up, she always did. And Alex never opened the door, so her sister would always fly in through the window. And Kara would sit quietly beside Alex until she talked about it; or until she just broke down. That night it was both. That night Alex yelled and drank. She explained everything that had happened in excruciating detail. She told Kara about the chaos on scene, about the countless bodies that lay lifeless on the street, and about how she tried so hard to save Jason. How she’d done everything she was trained for and had had Maggie’s help with it all, and how the detective had done amazing work. But it wasn’t enough. And Kara knew better than to mention that it was enough, because whenever she did Alex would be back at the punch bag. So she let Alex blame herself for something that wasn’t her fault.

It went on for an hour; the guilt. And then the tears came. Kara held Alex for a long time before she finally managed to convince her sister to get changed for bed. And then she held her until she cried herself to sleep, whispering “breathe… Just breathe…” over and over and over. Kara made sure Alex was well asleep before even thinking of letting herself drift off; the situation a stark contrast as to what had happened just a week and a half ago during sisters’ night. Kara knew Alex wanted to help people more than anything in the world, she’d be the subject of her sister’s fierce protectiveness her whole life. But sometimes her human sister let it get to her too much. Sometimes she took her job so seriously that the burden of it was crushing, and the weight Alex put on her own shoulders was too heavy. It was times like these that Kara worried for her safety, and worried about who would catch her sister if she wasn’t around to pick her up off the floor with warm arms.

Her answer came in a surprising form the next morning. Alex had already gotten up, obviously, and had left Kara to sleep longer seeing as she did fly over at five in the morning to help her out. Kara was awake, however, when there was a soft knock on her sister’s apartment door. She lifted her head quickly to catch Alex’s gaze across the apartment, her sister putting down her mug of coffee and shrugging before walking over to the door, cautiously looking through the peephole before taking a deep breath and swinging the door open to reveal the ever-tiny detective Sawyer, who looked like she hadn’t gotten any sleep since they’d last seen each other.

“Danvers.” She nodded simply, shuffling her feet nervously as Alex just stared at her for a few seconds before finding her voice.

“Detective? What are you doing here? How do you know where I live?” Alex asked quickly, opening the door a little more but not stepping aside to let Maggie in.

“I’m a detective Danvers, I detect.” She tried half-heartedly, knowing it barely answered either question Alex had asked. She took the taller woman’s silence as a cue to continue. “I work for the NCPD, I just looked up your name… I was worried about you, you left pretty quickly earlier. Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah I’m okay.” Alex replied shortly, swallowing back the budding feelings of guilt making their way back up her throat. “Don’t worry about it. You should get some sleep you look like crap.”

“Wow. Thanks.” Maggie teased, finally loosening up a little and finally meeting Alex’s eyes steadily. “I’ll head back soon. Actually I was wondering if you could help me out… The perpetrator of the collapse has been identified and he’s being held in your psych ward. Any way you could pull some strings and help me get in there to ask him some questions? If not that’s cool too, I don’t want to overstep.”

“I’ll see what I can do.” Maggie was backing up, leaving Alex her space as she got her answer, nodding as they said their goodbyes after exchanging phone numbers (for purely professional reasons, of course) and setting up a meeting time at the hospital later that day.

She closed the door softly and turned back, jumping slightly when she was Kara right beside her, clearly having snuck closer to hear their conversation, which was totally unnecessary with her hearing abilities. But Kara liked to look nosey on top of actually being nosey, so she was always sneaking closer. Alex shoved her sideways and went back to the barstool she’d been sitting on, picking up her mug.

“Not a word Kara.”

“Oh come ooooon Alex. She’s totally cute, you should date her.” Kara exclaimed, running around to face Alex, leaning forward on the countertop with one arm while pouring herself a mug of coffee, something the overactive alien most definitely did not need.

“I can’t do that. I won’t. You know that. And you also know why. We’ve been over this Kara. So drop it.” Alex replied flatly, not in the mood for a discussion about her love life. Not that she was ever in the mood for that discussion, but that morning even less as she was still trying to emotionally recover from her eventful night. Kara knew better than to push it when Alex was that abrupt with her replies, so she just simply sipped on her coffee and changed the subject, making a mental note to keep an eye on her sister’s mental stability.


	3. Confidante

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex let's herself get to know Maggie a little more, breaking free from that strict working relationship they've had thus-far.

After Maggie had met up with her at the hospital to check on the probable culprit in the building collapse (only to be denied access to his room due to the fact that he was in a medically induced coma), Alex didn’t see the detective for a couple weeks. She got back into her normal routine as fast as she could, knowing that’s what helped best after a death came from her hands.

She was starting to feel normal again; starting to get the images of Maggie’s annoying smile and her stupidly sparkly eyes and her impossibly beautiful hair out of her mind.

And then Maggie Sawyer showed up again, strolling right into the Emergency Room as if she knew the place inside out and sitting herself right beside Alex at the front desk. Not that Alex wasn’t ready for it, she’d asked the detective to come in. She’d texted Maggie as soon as the patient they’d been waiting on for information had been woken up, so it wasn’t a surprise, but it still sent Alex in a tailspin because now she was confused about how she felt about her.

She wasn’t sure whether or not she wanted to be friends or colleagues, or maybe a mixture of both? Maybe Maggie was nothing more than just a detective that showed up sometimes. Maybe Maggie was her confidante and relay point between the hospital and the police force. Or maybe, just maybe, there was something more there. But it didn’t really matter because Alex didn’t know how to make sense of it all. And she was avoiding thinking about it because she also had images of Jason mixed in with her memories with Maggie. That would never leave, the two would always be connected even if in just some tiny little way. So yes, it was confusing. And yes, Alex would continue to avoid thinking about it.

“Doctor Danvers, nice to see you again.” Maggie said, getting a pointed look from Alex, who’d been taken aback by the suddenness of Maggie’s arrival, messing up the patient form she’d been filling out. She grabbed a new one and huffed as she started filling it out again, blatantly ignoring the other girl, who didn’t even seem to notice, already busy making herself comfortable. “Word on the street says our potential perp woke up.”

“I texted you, Sawyer. So yes, that is the word on your phone.” Alex replied, grumbling to herself. She’d had a rough weekend and was exhausted and annoyed, the detective not the first to have gotten on her nerves that day. Maggie raised her hands in submission and stayed quiet until Alex spoke up again a few minutes later when she’d finished her paperwork. “Okay, I can take you to him, let’s go.”

With more excitement in her step than Alex had ever seen before, probably because this was the first time she’d seen the girl actually working, Maggie was following her to the elevator. They both got into together as a few doctors made their way off, rushing towards something, as per usual.

“So is this the part where we make out in the elevator?” Maggie asked, causing Alex’s head to whip around and meet her eyes, the little crinkle between her eyebrows making an appearance. Maggie laughed and leaned against the back wall, crossing her arms. “I’m kidding Danvers. Grey’s Anatomy joke, calm down.”

“Right. Joke.” Alex replied, swallowing hard and crossing her own arms now, staring straight ahead at the elevator doors, hoping Maggie would get the message. She did.

They silently made their way to the patient’s room, Maggie keeping her distance, knowing that something she said struck a chord with Alex but not knowing exactly why. She presented the patient as Mick Roy, apparently going by Heat Wave. “He was having a disagreement with a crook in the basement and misfired his gun, hitting the heating system which exploded and caused the building collapse. I have paper work to do so ask what you need and make sure to sign out at the front desk when you leave so we know NCPD has already been down here.”

Maggie nodded along to Alex’s explanations, writing down what she found important before taking a step forward and starting to question Mick himself, who looked rather pissed off about the fact that he was bedridden and needing to be taken care of. Alex left them alone then as Maggie didn’t need her help anymore. She clenched her jaw as she walked out and immediately went to the paramedic’s lounge, grabbing a large stack of paperwork on the way over. She tried to focus on that instead of the flashbacks of the building collapse that kept popping up in her mind.  

She’d been in such a weird state since Jason’s death. It was an unusual case because she was so used to being able to push it back. She was used to putting on a brave face and pushing past the guilt that bubbled up. So for Jason Cooper to be making his way into her life over and over and over was new. It had caught her off guard and she knew exactly why. Because of all the people she’d lost in the field, Jason had been the youngest.

She’d never had a kid die on her before. Kids were supposed to be made of rubber, easily bouncing back from traumas and making full recoveries. That had been her experience in the past with anyone under the age of about 25. But then here comes this 17 year old who was stable when she sent him off to surgery that hadn’t made it. And the surprise of his death had sent shockwaves through the rest of her life because suddenly everyone Alex knew and loved was vulnerable; suddenly their mortality was more blatant and more plausible. And that was terrifying.

Alex tried to erase the thoughts in her mind by powering through her work, focusing more than she ever had, and pushing herself harder too. It seemed to be working because most nights she was so exhausted by her days that she’d collapse into bed as soon as she got home, only to do it all over again the next day. But it wasn’t always that easy though, especially not when Maggie was around the hospital. She hated associating the detective with that night because she’d come to quite like the snarky NCPD officer, but it was still the case. So she’d avoided her like the plague for those couple weeks, only replying to the texts that came in with blunt one-worded answers. Maybe if she just kept that up things would—

“Alex?” She heard from the door, pulling her from her thoughts. Alex met Maggie’s eyes and laughed to herself at the irony of the situation, gesturing to the seat next to her. Maggie smiled and walked in holding two cups of coffee, passing one over to Alex as she took a seat right next to her on the ratty old couch. She took a sip from the cup, curious as to what kind of coffee Maggie thought she drank. To her surprise, the detective had gotten it spot on with the dark roast black coffee.

“How did you know I take my coffee black?” Alex asked, looking over at Maggie who’d closed her eyes and was leaning into the back of the couch. She replied without opening her eyes.

“You seem like the type.”

“Oh do I?” Alex laughed at the answer and went back to her paperwork, not even bothering to ask how Maggie found her, she knew better than to question her, Maggie was very resourceful she’d come to learn quickly. So she let it go and fell back into the rhythm of paperwork, basking in the quietness.

The silence surrounding them was nice and Alex would be lying to herself if she claimed she wasn’t completely comfortable with the detective. It wasn’t something that happened with very many people. Kara, sure, of course. But apart from her sister, obviously, almost no one ever got close enough to Alex Danvers for the silence to be this organic and allow her to feel so much at ease. It was refreshing to say the least. And Alex realized that maybe, contrary to her previous thoughts, that friendship was something that could be a huge asset to them both.

“Tell you what Danvers.” Maggie said after a good twenty minutes of silence, in which she simply listened to Alex flip through the many papers she had in front of her. She probably should have gone back to the station by now, but seeing as her questioning of Mick didn’t take as long as she thought it would, she’d let herself enjoy the company of the paramedic for a little bit. “I’ll buy you a beer tonight to thank you for your troubles with keeping me in the loop about Mr. Roy. When are you off?”

“Eight. But I always get off later than that, especially if I’m on patrol.” Alex said, not lifting her head from her work, keeping focused as she was due to hop in an ambulance again soon and wanted to get through all of it before she left.

“That’s fine I’ll be around for a couple hours, just pop by if you want.” The detective got up and stretched, grabbing both coffee cups, Alex’s now empty, her own close to being empty as well, tossing them away as she made her way out. She was leaning on the door frame as she continued. “I’ll shoot you a text with the address, let me know if you’re coming and I’ll save us a pool table.”

With the prospect of a relaxing beer and a game of pool with Maggie that night (and maybe a chance to change her associated memories with Maggie to not be all about Jason Cooper), the rest of Alex’s shift went by surprisingly quick. Before she knew it 8:00 had rolled around and she was almost back at the hospital, the driver of her ambulance taking both her and her partner back to do a shift change.

By 8:30 she was on her bike and speeding off towards the bar that Maggie was at, arriving a mere ten minutes later.

She’d expected more than what stood in front of her when she parked her Ducati and tugged off her helmet. She was in a rather ominous looking alleyway, a large rusted metal door standing idly in front of her. With a shrug she decided to trust her new friend and swung the door open, effectively revealing a dive bar. Contrary to the scenery of its location, she had to admit that the bar was rather cool. With low lights and a bustling crowd, the bar gave off an almost club-like visual vibe but a coffee-shop conversation vibe. It was a strange mix of fun and laid back and Alex could see why Maggie had chosen this place. She had good taste, it seemed.

It didn’t take her long to spot the detective, who was laughing with a burly guy as she leaned against a pool table, cue in hand and game half-done. Alex walked up and leaned beside Maggie, bumping her with her shoulder.

“Hey, Danvers, you showed!” Maggie said, turning from her other friend with a huge smile on her face. She introduced them both and the man nodded and made an exit, knowing he was clearly not needed anymore, sliding back into the booth a couple other guys that looked just like him were sat in. Maggie then went in for a hug, catching Alex off guard. Alex hugged her back without thought, sighing into the warmth of it, not realizing how much she needed it until Maggie’s arms were around her. “Want to set this table up? I’ll go grab us some beers.”

Alex never thought she was good at pool. She’d considered herself mediocre at best. But playing with Maggie Sawyer made her look like a prodigal pool player. It blew her mind how someone who played the game so often could be so damn terrible at it. It was hilarious to say the least because Alex could easily sink a ball per turn while Maggie was left in the dust swearing like a sailor at the cue ball that was just not doing what she thought it would do. To be fair, Maggie’s form was way off and she seemed rather distracted constantly. But even with that, she was still by far the worst pool player Alex had ever met.

It took three games and a solid $50 in her pocket before Alex was offering to help teach Maggie how to play properly. Maggie brushed her off, scoffing at the very prospect that she was actually bad at something. But two shots later she was backtracking and accepting Alex’s help.

“Okay, well… Oh god where do I even start.” Alex laughed, draining her third beer and taking a look at Maggie, who’d set herself up to take an easy shot, waiting for Alex to help her out. “Sawyer how do you not end up sending the cue ball flying off this table all the time?”

“Hey now, don’t be mean!” Maggie joked, standing up and rolling her eyes playfully. “If I’m going to accept your help you should be nice to me.”

“Accept my help hey? Okay sure we can pretend that’s what’s happening here. As if you don’t desperately need a reality check.” Alex said, making her way to Maggie, who’d given Alex another eye roll before bending back down to set up the shot. Alex laughed and came up behind her, putting her hands on Maggie’s waist, twisting them so they were perpendicular to her cue stick. Then she leaned over her, almost covering the detective’s entire back with her torso, sliding her arms forward to cover Maggie’s hands with her own. Her voice was much lower then. “Okay, you feel that? You need to line yourself up. And relax your hands, it’s about being loose and focusing on the angles, you’re too stiff.”

“Okay.” Maggie said simply, hoping that Alex had failed to realize how much her breath had hitched when their bodies had made contact. She tried to focus on the situation at hand, but her head was spinning as she heard the paramedic’s warm voice in her ear and felt her soft hands on top of her own. She gulped and took a deep breath before focusing her eyes on the cue ball. She let Alex guide her right hand back and then flick it forward, the stick making contact with the cue ball. They stayed exactly as they were as they watched the white ball fly across the table and hit the red on they’d been aiming at, the target ball rolling cleanly into the corner pocket. “Fuck yes!” Maggie exclaimed then, standing up excitedly and throwing her arms up. Alex roared with laughter at the detective’s excitement, having hopped back and out of the way just in time to avoid getting smacked in the face.

“See? Easy. You just needed to relax.” Alex said, still laughing to herself slightly. “Take your next shot, next round’s on me.” She watched as Maggie stuck out her tongue in concentration, trying to recreate the motions of taking a proper shot that Alex had just shown her. She ended up messing up but she was already improving.

Alex was back with more beer, and the pair carried on with another two games before Maggie decided to call it a night. It was nearly eleven in the evening and she knew they both had work in the morning. And, well…

“I have to let my dog out. I took him out before I came over here but he’s a giant baby and need fresh air before bed otherwise he’ll bug me at, like, three in the morning.” Maggie said as they both leaned against the now-empty pool table.

“A dog? You have a dog?” Alex piped up, her tired eyes lighting up suddenly, her smile growing even more than Maggie thought possible. She laughed at the girl standing in front of her and nodded, her heart seeming to grow a few sizes as she just watched Alex smile at the prospect of her dog, the girl not even knowing what he even looked like.

“His name’s Fender, after the guitar company. I’m sure you’ll meet him one day, he spends his days at the precinct with me, out in the courtyard. Everyone loves him, I’ve got a pretty sweet deal being able to not have him cooped up all day and around a lot of people.”

“Can I…” The paramedic started before faltering, not sure if she was close enough to ask the question she wanted. But Maggie just listened, her head cocking sideways and an eyebrow popping up with curiosity. “Can I come meet him tonight?” Alex finished shyly, shuffling her feet. Maggie smiled fondly and nodded.

“Sure you can. I’ll call a cab.” She said, pulling out her phone. She got them a ride and then ran over to the bar, asking her friend, and the best bartender in the place, M’gann, if they could leave their bikes with her. With an affirmative answer the two girls left together and hopped in the bright yellow car that had just pulled up outside the bar, the driver looking rather skeptical that he was in the right place until Maggie and Alex got in.

On the ride over to Maggie’s place Alex asked as many questions about a dog as you possibly could. “When did you get him? What kind of dog is he? What’s his favourite thing to do?” Her questions where a whirlwind mix of a lot of excitement and a little too much alcohol. Maggie laughed as each question came speeding out of Alex’s mouth before she even had the chance to answer, as if she’d forget to ask all the questions she wanted if she didn’t ask them all at once.

“Alex Danvers, a giant softy for dogs, who would have ever guessed?” Maggie teased, receiving a hard shove in response, only causing her smile to grow. Alex put on a hard shell, one that was hard to break through, but underneath all that emotional armour was really beautiful and genuine soul. Maggie was just glad that she getting a glimpse of it. “I’ve had him since he was a puppy, so five years now. He’s a Rottweiler and Lab mix. And his favourite thing to do is swim and drag sticks that are too big for him around. Time and time again the poor guy’s gotten himself stuck in a situation where he has to choose between actually walking properly and hauling this giant ass stick around. He tries his best but he’s not always the brightest.”

Maggie kept telling Alex little stories about her silly pup until they got back to her place. She thanked and paid the driver, letting them both into her complex, making their way to the back of the building. The apartment block was pretty cool because it looked like a two-story structure, but it only had one level of apartments. Well, kind of. The apartments were all a loft-style meaning each of the suites had two floors. It wasn’t quite a loft as the room upstairs was closed off, but the kitchen and the living room areas both had double-height walls and giant window. Maggie had explained that having an apartment on a ground floor was something important because then Fender had a bit of a yard to run around in.

She went to unlock the door as they walked up to the last door in the hallway, already hearing Fender on the other side as he’d heard her key scraping the lock. Maggie looked back at Alex with a smirk before swinging the door open, bracing herself for the excited dog that immediately jumped up on her.

“Hey buddy! How’d my Fender doing?” Maggie squealed, kneeling down and getting a face full of dog kisses, feeling her pup’s entire body wag with excitement at the prospect of her being home. Alex, meanwhile, had a huge smile planted on her face as she watched Maggie interact with her dog.

After a few seconds reuniting with his owner, Fender finally realized there was another friend for him to greet. Within seconds of noticing Alex he’d wedged himself between her legs, his tail wagging a mile a minute as Alex scratched his head and laughed at the situation she’d gotten herself stuck in.

“Maggie, he’s adorable” Alex said as the dog ran off to get some water. The detective tossed her keys on the table by the door and opened her closet to hang her coat and take off her shoes.

“Yeah, he’s pretty great.” She replied, crossing her arms contently before stepping into her apartment a little further. “I’m just going to go let him outside quickly. Have a look around and make yourself at home, I’ll be right back.”

With Maggie gone to find Fender, Alex finally got a look at the detective’s apartment. It screamed Maggie Sawyer; with the exposed brick walls, the modern industrial-rustic style furniture, and the huge windows that lined the opposite wall.

She looked left down the narrow hallway and noticed two doors. She assumed they were a bathroom and a bedroom, but she wasn’t going to barge in. There was a metal staircase that was right in front of her, the stairs open in concept so she should see past them, the stairs probably leading to an upstairs bedroom. The living room space that stood ever-slightly to her right was incredibly cozy. The couches were worn but not ratty and the huge rug on the floor pulled the space together, a great contrast to the light hardwood floors. Alex moved through the living room to find a nook with a nice dining table and then a galley kitchen extending to the end of the apartment. It was by far the coolest apartment she’d ever seen.

Maggie was back inside with Fender a couple minutes later. The rottie/lab mix immediately curled up in the large bed in the corner of the living room, falling asleep almost instantly, leaving Maggie and Alex alone together. Alex met her eyes and smiled, complimenting her on her apartment.

“Well thanks! My buddies at the precinct helped pull it all together, we had a good time. It’s a really sick place, I’ll probably stay here for a while. I don’t see myself going anywhere any time soon.” She said, crossing her arms and yawning slightly, taking a seat on the longer couch, flicking on the fireplace and the TV but muting the evening news. Alex shrugged and went to join her on the couch before catching herself, her mind sobering up really quickly now that she realized exactly what was happening. She swallowed hard and took a step back, running her hands anxiously on her thighs before stuffing them into her coat pocket.

“I should probably get going, it’s late…” She muttered, forcing out a yawn and continued backwards towards the door. Maggie furrowed her eyebrows and popped up, walking over and joining Alex, who’d opened the door they’d just come in. “Sorry for intruding. Thanks for having me over. I’ll see you soon.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay a little?” Maggie asked, leaning against the door as Alex stood in the hallway. The paramedic nodded, her jaw clenched as she turned and began to walk away without another word. “Alex?” Alex turned around briefly and smiled, lifting a hand, half-attempting a wave.

“I’ll see you around Sawyer, have a good night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys hope you enjoyed this latest chapter! 
> 
> Just so you all know I have a running tag on my twitter for this fic, if you want to check that out. Once I post chapter 6, I'll be doing a 50 days of Take Me Back tag on there with lyrics each day from all 50 songs I have in the playlist for the story. Stay tuned for that, it'll be coming fairly soon.
> 
> Fender: https://twitter.com/nerdalert_nat/status/821930756909871104  
> Maggie's apartment: https://twitter.com/nerdalert_nat/status/842812987370958848
> 
> Tumblr: nat-on-the-run  
> Twitter: @nerdalert_nat  
> #TakeMeBackAU


	4. Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friends? Kinda... But the subtext is WILD.

Maggie was completely thrown off by the events with Alex at her apartment three nights ago. She tried to make sense of it, but honestly couldn’t pinpoint anything at all that would suddenly make Alex freak out and leave. She’d decided to give it a few days rest before texting her, asking if she wanted to hang out sometime soon. The detective spent her life trying to help people and so she wanted to understand and to try and help Alex as well. And, well, Alex seemed to be running with the same wiring in her head. So she figured a text couldn’t hurt.

It was simple, nothing more than a **_Danvers, busy Saturday? Want to grab a beer?_**

Alex replied within a couple hours.

**_Always busy Saturdays, but I’m in for Sunday. I’ll text you._ **

Maggie was glad that Alex seemed open to hanging out again, even if she wasn’t exactly sure what this meant for them. Of course she liked Alex, she’d wanted to ask her out after their first day together. The teasing and the conversation had come so easily that she was sure there could be incredible chemistry between them. Alex, though… Alex seemed to be reserved to say the least. It wasn’t like she wasn’t interested completely, their whole pool-teaching-stunt had proven that. But exactly what was running through Alex’s head was a complete mystery to Maggie, especially after she’d up and left her apartment the other day without an explanation.

She shrugged and loaded Fender into her cruiser to make her way to the station for her Thursday shift, hoping that the days would go by fast, the week having been a rather rough one after Monday; the many cases that had stacked up absolutely kicking her ass. She loved it though, the change of pace week to week, it was something that had attracted her to becoming a detective in the first place. She never knew exactly where she was going to end up or what would get dropped on her desk at any given moment. It always kept her on her toes, always kept her interested in her line of work.

This was something, she imagined, kept Alex thriving as a paramedic as well. Always needed to be ready for anything, for the unknown. Jumping into a situation with little information and trying to make sense of it all. In the end it rarely mattered how it turned out, because knowing that help had been given and people were safer because of you was reward enough. So the quick pace and the ever-changing environments of work was something that Maggie had always loved. It had been stark change of the boring life she’d lead back in Nebraska in her younger years where nothing seemed to ever change. So she thrived for the uncertainty. She had never wanted to be in one place too long again after making a break from Blue Springs.

Or so she thought.

Because then she met Alex. Then she hung out with Alex. Then she realized she might like Alex a little more than anyone else in this big city. And suddenly she was falling for this girl she’d only known for a month. Suddenly she was questioning why she’d ever wanted to keep running. Because Alex changed everything. Alex made her realize that maybe, just maybe, staying in one place wouldn’t be so bad if you had the right people to share it with.

“Sawyer!” The harsh voice pulled her right out of her deep thinking. She spun around in her chair, meeting the chief detective’s gaze and sitting up a little straighter. “Those rowdy queer kids you insist aren’t any trouble are harassing an anti-vaccination table over at the National City College. Go and sort it out or I’m going to have to send some officers down to take them in.”

“Yes sir. Right away.” Maggie had her desk packed up, was grabbing Fender from the precinct courtyard, and was hopping in her cruiser before the chief could come find her again, mumbling a soft “don’t call them queer, it’s fucking rude” under her breath as she did. She knew he was serious about taking the kids in, she’d be warned about them before. Although you could hardly call them kids, most were legally adults and some had gone through so much shit they may as well have been.

Cory was a 20 year old bisexual boy. He’d been kicked out of his house at the age of 17, his father being a preacher at his local church in a small town a couple hours outside of National City. Being a bisexual mixed race kid had been really hard when he first came into the city, but he was turning his life around and currently lived with his girlfriend Alison (who was also bisexual, although she’d moved out of a supportive home when she started at college in National City). Together they shared a one bedroom apartment in the cheaper part of down town. The pair were notorious for starting protests and bugging the anti-vaxxers that liked to stand around medical clinics. While their intensions were sound, their execution wasn’t always.

Then there was Zoe. A black lesbian who lived in the youth LGBT centre in National City. She’d met Maggie and the other kids Maggie took under her wing when she was just 15 and had recently run away from a toxic home. Now, at the ripe age of 17 (almost 18, she wouldn’t let Maggie forget), she was really coming into her own. But along with realizing how strong and how smart she was, she was also realizing how awful some people could be. So she always joined the protests, which had threatened to get her kicked out of the youth program a handful of times already, Maggie usually the one to plead her case and get her yet another chance.

Finally, Shane. He was an Asian trans-boy who’d recently started testosterone. He was an 18 year old near-high-school-graduate that still lived at home but was fierce when it came to advocacy and doing the right thing. His biggest downfall, however, was that he liked to get himself into arguments. And more often than not, he was the one that started the ruckuses that Maggie had to dismantle.

Maggie arrived on scene and saw her four little delinquents immediately. They weren’t yelling, but Shane seemed to be in a pretty heated discussion with what looked to be the leader of the anti-vaccination group. She groaned and rolled her eyes, clipping her badge onto her belt so the protestors would know she was a cop without question.

“Shane.” She said as she walked up, nodding at the group her little gay family was harassing, stepping in between them, coming face to face with the boy she knew so well. “Enough. Chief wants to take you guys down to the precinct. You’re lucky he sent me down first.” She then turned around to face the other group there. “I’m sorry. They won’t be bothering you again, they’re coming with me.”

“Filthy little gays!” One of them called, sparking Cory to turn around aggressively.

“You know what?! You assholes are worse! You’re making the- mffphhh” Maggie was covering his mouth and dragging him away before the boy could actually get himself into trouble. She walked them a good fifty feet from the table before stopping, letting go of Cory’s arm and shaking her head while pinching the bridge of her nose as they all lined up in front of her, heads hanging.

“You know I love you guys but I’m seriously busting my ass here. You have to stop looking for trouble. One day I won’t be able to help.”

“Sorry Mags…” Zoe mumbled as Cory, Shane, and Alison nodded along in agreement. Maggie rolled her eyes and opened her arms, all four kids jumping forward for the group hug, something that was common place between the five of them.

“I swear to god you are all such a pain in the ass. You’re lucky I love you!” Maggie said, throwing her arms around Shane and Alison, leading them back to her cruiser, offering to buy them all some coffee. They all chatted away as they made their way to the cop car where Fender was patiently waiting. She’d brought him because she knew how much the kids loved him. It was a cute little family they had going on; Maggie, her emotionally adopted LGBT kids, and their dog.

“So Mags, want to take us to the backcountry this Sunday again?” Cory asked excitedly as they all crammed into the police car, the three other friends chiming in with excitement at the proposition. “I can bring my guitar out and we can just hang out and have pizza like last time. Work’s getting stressful and Ali just finished her midterms, it’s perfect timing really.”

“Wish I could kid, but I have plans Sunday night.” She said, laughing as she pulled away from the college and towards their favourite local coffee shop, only a few blocks from the precinct. “I’m going out with Alex.”

“Alex? As in the super-hot paramedic you won’t shut up about?!” Zoe asked, nudging both Shane and Alison who were sat with her in the back seat, smirking at the blush that arose on Maggie’s cheeks. “Detective Sawyer’s got gaaaaame.”

“Yes, that Alex. Just as friends guys, don’t get too worked up.” Maggie explained, pulling into the station before leashing up Fender. Together the five of them made the short walk towards the café, all of them now teasing their favourite cop about her crush. Maggie just shook her head and laughed, not minding at all that they were excited for her, even if she knew that Alex probably didn’t feel the same way about her. I mean, why would she? She was just a detective from a small town. Alex was more than that. She was this badass paramedic with a medical degree and what seemed to be many hours of training at the gym, judging on the state of her incredible biceps. “I don’t even know what we’re doing yet, she said she’d text me. I just asked her to hang out this morning. Again though, just friends…”

“Just friends. Hah, sure Maggie, keep telling yourself that. Pretending you don’t want anything more won’t last forever. You’re so obviously smitten by this girl. Ask her out for real would you?” Cory said as he sipped the coffee that Maggie had bought for them all. He leaned back in his chair, throwing an arm around his girlfriend as he watched his friends nod along while Maggie blushed again, running a hand through her hair as she so often did when she was conflicted about something.

The four kids dropped the subject after a few minutes, moving on to different topics pretty quickly, the conversation turning political as it usually did. Maggie mainly listened then, watching her kids laugh and smile and converse happily, something that hadn’t always been the case. She was so proud with how far they’d come in the time she knew them all. It was great to spend an hour or so with them; she’d been so busy lately that their quality time all together had been compromised.

But soon enough she was hugging them all goodbye and heading back to work, still having a few hours ahead of her, and the entire day Friday. And although she was nervous for Sunday, for a day pre-set for just hanging out with Alex, she was excited. Because maybe Cory was right, maybe she should formally ask Alex out. Maybe. But that was a problem for future Maggie.

* * *

The text came in late Saturday night. Maggie had fallen asleep on the couch watching Master Chef and nearly fell off when her text buzzed right beside her ear and scared her. She cursed and pulled it from underneath the pillow she’d been using, squinting at the screen to read what the message said.

**_Want to pick me up around six tomorrow so we don’t both have to drive? We can grab something to eat downtown, I have an idea as to what to do after._ **

With a huge smile planted on her face Maggie replied with a: **_Definitely! I’m surprised you’re asking though when, clearly, you think your bike is better than mine. I guess I get to prove you wrong now_**. The banter and teasing about motorbikes went on for a few texts before the paramedic signed off to go to bed, saying she’d had a long day. Maggie wanted to ask what she got up to on Saturdays but decided against it and dragged herself to bed as well.

Maggie must have changed her outfit a dozen times while getting ready for her evening with Alex. Although she knew this was probably nothing more than platonic, she couldn’t deny her feelings for the paramedic. I mean how could she not like her? She was badass and smart and kind… She was kind of perfect really. But she couldn’t help but know in her heart that Alex didn’t want to date her. She was a detective of course, and apart from their evening playing pool Alex had shown absolutely no instance of wanting more than friendship from Maggie. And even with the pool playing; she was just helping her play properly, right?

“Whatever. Good enough, I’m going to be late.” Maggie said as she looked at herself in the mirror, shrugging at her outfit. She wore dark blue jeans and a grey Henley shirt. She huffed and let out a sigh, letting Fender out for some air quickly while she grabbed her keys, slid on her coat, and dug around for her bike helmet. She was about to look for her spare but realized that Alex would have her own to wear, so she didn’t bother.

Maggie was speeding off on her Triumph towards Alex’s place a few minutes later, ducking in and out of the proper lanes even though, as a cop, she knew that she could get a ticket for that. But she didn’t really care, because there was a very cute girl waiting for her. And she’d be damned if traffic made her late, regardless of law enforcement.

She parked a couple blocks away and made the walk to Alex’s apartment building, getting buzzed in quickly and hopping in the elevator to the tenth floor, pacing around in the small space while fiddling with the chin strap on her helmet.

Alex’s apartment was the third door on the left when she got out of the elevator. She took a deep breath and reassured herself that this was just Alex, someone she was 100% comfortable with.

Alex, who was fun and easy to be around.

Alex, who was also insanely hot and adorable at the same time.

No. No, no.

Just Alex.

The paramedic.

Her friend.

“Just knock you dumbass.” Maggie muttered to herself as she did just that, balling her free fist as she waited for the door to swing open, hearing soft padding inside the apartment. And then, there she was. Doctor Alex Danvers, standing in front of her in all her glory. A plaid button-up and black jeans hugged her figure perfectly, a soft smile plastered on her face as she poked her head out.

“Maggie!” She said excitedly, swinging the door open. “Come on in, I just need to grab my coat. And my helmet. You drove your Triumph, right?”

“You’d be correct.” Maggie replied, already feeling more comfortable. That is, until she saw the other girl standing in Alex’s apartment. She was gorgeous, absolutely stunning. With soft blonde hair falling past her shoulders and wearing pastel colours. She smiled brightly at Maggie, stepping forward. And before she knew what was even happening she had arms tight around her, her own disobeying orders and wrapping around the blonde girl in response. She heard Alex laugh and looked up to meet her eye, Alex leaning against her couch with her arms crossed as she watched the interaction before her.

“Maggie, meet my sister, Kara.” Alex said, chuckling to herself as Maggie’s eyes lit up in response, realizing what was going on, confusion melting away. Kara jumped back from the hug and smiled brightly as she looked at both Alex and Maggie, her head whipping back and forth between them a couple times.

“Okay, well I’m going to fly- jet- uh… I’m going to go. You two have fun tonight! Nice to meet you Maggie.” Kara ducked out quickly, clearly flustered about something. What exactly that was, Maggie had no idea, but she didn’t get the chance to ask, as Alex was already pulling her out the door by her arm, helmet in hand. Alex chatted away about her day with her sister while they made their way downstairs, Maggie listening fondly to all of it.

“Oh god, I’m talking way too much, I’m sorry. How was your week?” Alex asked, clearly very keen to listen, turning all her attention to Maggie, who just laughed loudly and nudged Alex.

“It was busy, very busy.” Maggie said, shrugging. “I was glad when my shift ended Friday, I needed a break. I ended up sleeping for a solid eleven hours Friday night. Longest knock out I’ve had in years I think… I must have been in college last time I slept that long.” She was going to tell Alex about her “kids” but decided that that was a conversation for another time, she didn’t want to go on and on about them as it was not the time or place for that.

“Well we’ll have an easy night tonight. Promise.” Alex said, pulling on her helmet when Maggie slowed and swung a leg over her bike. The taller girl got on behind her and Maggie tried to keep a steady breath as she felt slender arms tighten themselves around her comfortably. Maggie turned on the bike and revved the engine a bit, feeling Alex laugh at the action before saying. “Don’t hold back just because you have someone riding bitch. If anyone can handle an old soul of a bike, it’s me.”

“Oh you’re asking for it Danvers.” Maggie smirked as she waited a couple seconds, waiting to feel Alex’s arms loosen ever so slightly, before kicking off. What Alex didn’t know is that Maggie worked on her bike a lot, so it had a nice kick with the enhancements she’d made. And so the power Alex thought it lacked was there, causing her to squeeze Maggie tightly as they sped off to avoid getting left behind. Maggie was laughing then, her plan having worked out perfectly.

After that first scare, Maggie kept the rest of the ride rather tame, wanting to enjoy the moment rather than try to show off. And Alex was yelling directions to her anyway, leading them deep into the other side of the city, wherein there was an off-hand down town. It wasn’t quite like the centre of National City, but it had some high rise buildings and a very neat modern-indie vibe. They were hopping off the bike only a few minutes after turning off the highway, Maggie locking both of their helmets on her bike so they didn’t have to haul them around all night.

“Alright Doctor, what’s the plan, are you going to clue me in now?” Maggie asked as they walked side by side towards the beautifully lit-up pedestrian area. Alex just shrugged and kept walking, a little smile on her face.

They ended up at a small pizza place, Alex paying for both of their meals. She got a large slice with pepperoni and bacon while Maggie opted for a Mediterranean. They talked happily as they walked along the strip mall and ate, feeling lucky that the weather was ideal for a nice out on the town. There was a slight breeze, but the weather was warm enough that it wasn’t a bother at all with their light coats on. The sun had just set and the stars were out and Maggie couldn’t help but realize how romantic this would be if they were dating. But they weren’t, she had to keep reminding herself of that. But maybe she could push it a little…

So when Maggie saw a vegan ice-cream place around the next corner she grabbed Alex’s hand, lacing their fingers and pulling her sideways and into the store. She dropped the paramedic’s hand when they got to the counter, but she could swear Alex didn’t want to drop her hand, even if she made no comment on the matter. Maggie ordered them both a raspberry sorbet, passing a bowl over to Alex and waiting for her reaction.

“This is… Surprisingly good.” Alex said, furrowing her eyebrows at the treat she held. Maggie shrugged and happily ate her own ice-cream, explaining that her aunt had always liked it and so she’d kind of fell into routine of eating that over regular ice-cream. Eventually they came to a large set of doors that lead into an actual mall. Alex smiled and stopped then, a hand on the door handle. “There’s an arcade inside. I found it once while on a job inside.”

“No fucking way. What are you waiting for?!” Maggie replied, pulling on Alex’s hand to open the door and rushing inside, hearing Alex laugh behind her as she ran to catch up. She grabbed Maggie’s elbow and dragged her down the left hallway towards the arcade. Together they walked into the arcade and purchased a ton of coins, knowing they’d be trying out all the games they possibly could. Alex chose the first game, opting for a two-person racing game and was super bitter when Maggie ended up beating her. “Look Danvers, I drive on the job on a daily basis. You’re in the back of the vehicle, no hard feelings.”

“You’re losing next race. Rematch Sawyer?” Alex said, already putting in more coins and starting up a game for them both, Maggie shifting her focus back from Alex to the screen in front of her, ready to race again. Untrue to her word, Alex ended up losing again and frowned until Maggie laughed and grabbed her hand, pulling her towards the Skeeball machine.

Maggie then explained that she’d always been bad at the game, mostly because her younger brother would always steal the ball from her so she never really practiced a lot as a kid. She never minded though, because it was her brother’s favourite game and watching him enjoy it was good enough for her. Alex kept her cool while she listened to Maggie talk about her childhood, her face lighting up as she chatted away about her younger sibling, but anyone watching would have sworn that her smile was a little too big for just a friend listening to a friend. Not that either of them were aware of that fact.

Alex wanted to know more about her family and growing up but she held her tongue, realizing they probably weren’t quite there in their friendship yet (they totally were but Alex’s perception of what information should be shared when was a bit skewed).

“Are you sure you suck? Or are you just saying that to throw me off my game?” Alex asked, hesitating before putting the coins in, waiting for Maggie’s answer before following through with it.

“I guess you’ll have to play and find out.”

As soon as those words were out of Maggie’s mouth the game was on and they were playing hard. Both taking the competition way more seriously than they probably should have. But that was the nature of their relationship, it had been from their first day; teasing and competing about any tiny thing, always trying to outdo the other. Eventually, as predicted, Alex came out on top, pulling ahead an extra 300 points over Maggie, who gracefully accepted defeat.

They went on to play all the games in the arcade, spending a solid two hours together running around the neon-filled space. They laughed and relaxed, Alex realizing that maybe two people having fun was simple. She was overjoyed that she had a friend outside of work again. Although they did work together sometimes, it was nice to have someone to hang out with apart from Kara when she wasn’t busy with work and other things. Someone that understood that hazards of being in public service while still being able to hold a conversation about almost anything else too.

Their last stop was the photo booth on the way out, Maggie suggesting they commemorate her “obvious” win that night. Alex laughed and shoved her, claiming that there was no way Maggie had won. Agreeing to disagree they both squeezed into the tiny box, getting ready and making dumb faces as the photo booth took all four photos it was designed for. They waited for the thing to be printed, Maggie stealing it quickly and looking at the photos with a smirk before ripping it in half, passing over the last two photos to Alex.

“Why do I get the last two?” Alex questioned, looking at the stupid faces they’d made and laughing, sliding it into her wallet, not even bothering to wait for Maggie’s answer, clearly just teasing her about the whole thing. They made their way back to Maggie’s bike in a hurry, realizing how late it was getting, that only being a problem because they both had work in the morning. And also jobs that required them to be on top of their game, with enough sleep in their system.

Alex slid on the back of Maggie’s bike again, her arms tight around the smaller woman’s waist as they sped off back towards Alex’s building. Hands sprawled across Maggie’s abdomen, Alex took time as they drove to admire National City at night, something she rarely got to do. It was beautiful, the city lights flashing by as she felt the wind in her hair and a warm body against hers. If she didn’t know any better, she’d say it would have been perfect date atmosphere. But alas, she couldn’t let herself think that.

Because if she did then she would want to kiss Maggie goodbye. If she did then she’d be breaking her “no dating” rule. If she did, if she allowed herself to fall for the girl whose bike she was riding on the back of, then she’d never forgive herself; because she’d end up hurting Maggie… Or maybe Maggie would hurt her. Either way it wouldn’t end well, it never did. So, no, she couldn’t let herself think that. So she didn’t. Instead she pushed the thought away before it even formed completely in her mind.

Maggie dropped her off at her door, waiting until Alex was inside before riding off towards home. She would have loved to walk to paramedic to her building door, but if she had she didn’t know if she could keep from kissing Alex. Because, god, did she ever want to kiss Alex… But she wasn’t allowed and she knew that. So she just dropped Alex off outside her building and made her way home.

Meanwhile, Alex had trudged upstairs and unlocked her door, yawning hugely as she hung her coat and tossed her keys aside, immediately walking into her bathroom to get ready for bed. Her nighttime routine usually didn’t take longer than five minutes, and that night was no different. Except for the fact that as she was about to get changed her phone rang. It was Kara.

“Kara? What’s going on? It’s late I have work tomorrow morning.” Alex said, grumbling as she ran a hand through her hair tiredly and awkwardly pulled out some pyjama pants with one hand.

“Alex. It’s Maggie.” Kara said, exasperated, sirens blaring in the background. “I heard sirens so I went to help. There was a crash a few blocks from your apartment Alex. It was Maggie…”

“Fly me to the hospital. Now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm going to be away on a road trip for the next three weeks. I'll check comments and stuff when I can but there won't be a regular update until I'm back home! Sorry for the cliffhanger, but I promise the wait will be worth it.
> 
> Tumblr: nat-on-the-run  
> Twitter: @nerdalert_nat


	5. Physician

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex will help someone in need no matter what, it's her job. But when Maggie is the one injured she barely leaves her side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the longer wait on this one guys, I was away on a camping road trip and needed a bit of time to get back into the swing of things before uploading again. I hope this chapter makes up for that, it's one I loved writing and am excited to share!

The first thing she felt was a soft hand holding her own. Not because she wasn’t aware of everything else; the cannula, the uncomfortable bed, the dry hospital smell. No… Because the hand was familiar. Because the hand the held hers was, in fact, the one that had been clutching her shirt not long ago while Alex Danvers rode on the back of her Triumph. It was so gripping because that was the last thing Maggie remembered. And now she was hooked up to an oxygen tank and Alex, Alex… Alex was holding her hand gently, so very gently, her thumb almost ghosting over her knuckles.  

She had so many questions running through her mind as she lay still, keeping up the impression of unconsciousness. Why was she in the hospital? What happened that night? How much time had passed? Why was Alex holding her hand? Well, okay, she knew why Alex was holding her hand; it was because she got nervous about everyone. She cared about everyone. And now Maggie was in a hospital bed and she was one of Alex’s patients. Kind of.  At least, that’s what she thought. She had no idea really, seeing as the last thing she remembered was pulling up at Alex’s building.

Maggie swallowed hard when a nurse came into her room and Alex’s hand dropped her own. She decided to listen before acting, wanting to gather as much information as she could before moving an inch, knowing that she probably had some injuries that would hurt like hell if she budged even an inch. And, besides, the more she knew the less she’d have to ask.

“Her road rash is looking better, I redressed the wound just under an hour ago.” Alex said, speaking first. Maggie heard her stand up and meet the nurse at the end of her bed, both of them probably staring down at her chart. “Obviously we can’t do much about the bruised rib but let it heal, so I’ve just been keeping an eye on the bruising in case it gets worse. I don’t want to miss internal bleeding.”

“Good call Doctor.” The nurse replied, laughing at Alex’s thorough work. “And the stitches from the surgery?”

“They look good right now. She’s only been out of surgery for a couple hours but I doubt there will be any complications, she’s a fighter. Besides, the incision isn’t too long, the risk of infection isn’t huge.”

Maggie moved then and, as suspected, groaned loudly when she did. Alex and the nurse went silent and she felt Alex’s hand grab hers again, squeezing it supportively. She could feel every bruise and every scrape on her body. It felt like she got run over by a semi-truck and then dragged three blocks on the pavement. Her muscles screamed for her to stop (which she did), and the skin on her left thigh felt like it was ablaze. She groaned loudly and slowly, slowly opened her eyes, adjusting to the stark white lights as Alex Danvers came into focus.

“Maggie? Maggie can you hear me? Can you understand me?” Alex asked, squeezing her hand again, her eyebrows furrowed in worry. Maggie nodded slowly and immediately saw Alex relax, for reasons unknown as there had been no indication of hearing damage when her and the nurse had talked. “Good, good. You’re okay, I promise. I know it hurts and I’ll explain everything. Just know you’re okay and try to stay still, I’ll start the painkillers and get you some water.”

“Danvers…” Maggie muttered, wanting to sit up but knowing she really shouldn’t move, craning her neck upwards as far as she could, seeing Alex stop in her tracks and turn her head, their eyes meeting. “Thank you.”

“You’re lucky to be alive…” Was all Alex responded, dipping out of her room and disappearing to get the water she’d promised. Maggie took time then to look around the small room she was in, not surprised that she wasn’t sharing with anyone when Alex worked for the hospital, obviously having some pull in terms of room assignments.

A small window stood to her right, revealing a grey sky but clear weather otherwise. There wasn’t much else to see apart from that; a small sofa sat under the window, bedside tables were grey and lifeless, and the TV that was hung on the wall was black, the remote probably hiding somewhere in the drawers Maggie didn’t dare reach for. So she waited for Alex to return, which took longer than she’d expected, the paramedic walking back in almost ten minutes later, carrying a stack of papers with her. She set the stack down on the couch before coming up to Maggie’s bed and adjusting the girl to sitting position, pressing the cup of water into her right hand.

“Be careful moving. Your left side will hurt a lot. I mean, so will your right side, but not nearly as much.” Alex said, taking a seat on the couch and pulling out a pen to start on the papers she’d brought in, quite obviously avoiding going on patrol to make sure Maggie was okay. It was a heartwarming gesture but Maggie didn’t want Alex to be avoiding the work she loved just because she’d probably been an idiot somehow, although she’d yet to figure that out. Instead of asking right away, she lifted the cup and took a sip, reaching sideways when that didn’t hurt too much to put the cup on the table beside her, immediately regretting the decision when her entire core felt like it was going to rip in half.

“Shit.” She hissed, freezing where she sat for a few seconds before slowly, slowly, moving back to her original spot in her bed, only to nearly jump out of her seat when she looked up to find Alex hovering over her with a very worried look on her face. “Geez Danvers, I didn’t think you cared.”

“Yeah well… Can’t have you dying on me can I?” Alex teased, getting the scared expression from Maggie she was hoping for. “I’m kidding Sawyer, you’ll be fine.”

“Yeah? Well care to explain what happened?” Maggie asked, watching Alex take a seat on the end of her bed now, eyebrows furrowing deeply, her arms crossed across her chest.

“You don’t remember?” Maggie shook her head at the question, swallowing hard now, nervous about what exactly had happened. “Shit Maggie… What’s the last thing you remember?”

“Dropping you off at your place.” Maggie said, seeing Alex visibly relax at the information. What the meant for her, she had no idea, but the prospect of Alex relaxing was a huge comfort.

“You almost got T-boned a couple minutes later, a few blocks from my apartment. Your bike skidded out of control and you ended up sliding hard across the pavement on your left side, hence the burn on your thigh, leaving you with pretty bad road rash. You’ve also got a pretty badly bruised left ribcage; thankfully no breaks.” Alex explained, pulling out Maggie’s file for her to have a look at, the girl’s eyes going wide as she read the report.

“Well damn, I guess it’s a good thing I don’t remember, sounds like that would have hurt like a bitch.” Maggie said, laughing along with her own jokes, Alex staying rather stone-faced. “What about the surgery? I heard you talking about it with the nurse.”

“The impact was harsh on your bowel so we did some tests, you know, just to be thorough, and they ended up removing your appendix. It was starting to get inflamed so odds are you would have landed yourself in this bed within the next few weeks anyway, so that was just good timing. I’m guessing the crash aggravated it. You’re lucky there wasn’t any more damage there.

“That’s the least of your worries though, normally appendectomy patients are released within the day. You’ll be here overnight, your road rash wounds need redressing and I don’t trust you enough to do that yourself, seeing as you wouldn’t come back to get a sprained wrist checked the first day we met.

“I can’t have you back on the job for a few days at the very least, I know that’s what you’d do, don’t try to tell me otherwise. And by doing that you’re just prone to hurt yourself more. Which, as a physician, is that last thing I want. Well, it’s the last thing I want as your friend too…” Maggie listened intently as Alex rambled, her posture sturdy but warm as she let herself lean against the bed, her eyes avoiding Maggie’s gaze as if the detective was going to start arguing with her, something she was very proficient at. Maggie was indeed going to reply with a snarky comment but got cut off by some commotion in the halls.

Hearing the bustle outside the room, Alex got up to close the door, poking her head out to see what the uproar was first. And then, without another word, she was running out of the room, leaving Maggie alone with her thoughts.

The sudden silence that accompanied the lack of Alex Danvers was deafening, and Maggie finally registered then that she’d actually gotten into a motorcycle accident and she’d been hospitalized for it. It was crazy really, because she didn’t remember, couldn’t remember, what had happened about twenty hours ago, the clock reading 4:30 pm.

Her grandma had always been one to tell her to avoid motorcycles, and up until this point she’d always thought that the very idea was bullshit if you were careful and knew what you were doing. Apparently not. But it didn’t faze Maggie really, she’d still keep riding… Oh god… That was if her bike was okay. There was no way she could afford another bike plus the extra parts to get the new bike to where her Triumph had been. She’d have to remember to ask Alex what happened with that when she came back. If. If she came back. While she waited for that to happen, Maggie flipped through the tabloid magazine she found tucked between the bed and the table and started reading, amusing herself with the crazy stories that filled the pages. And when that ran its course she figured she might as well try to get a little bit of rest, realizing how exhausted she was even if she’d just been up a short while.

The next time Maggie was aware of what was going on she was gasping awake and shaking like a leaf. She’d fallen asleep only to start having wicked flashbacks of the crash she thought was gone from her memory forever.

A thin layer of sweat covered her body as she tried to catch her breath.

And then suddenly, in the dark of what was probably late evening, there were soft arms around her.

And Maggie was leaning into them, burying her face in the shoulder that was close, trying to catch her breath and calm herself down, grateful for whoever happened to be in her room.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” Alex said, making Maggie’s calming heart rate spike again as she realized who was there and what was going on. “I’m right here Maggie, it’s okay, I’ve got you.” Maggie shut her eyes tight only to be rewarded with flashing red and blue lights coming at her like rapid-fire from her dreams, the sounds of the ambulance sirens seeming to fill the room, even if she knew they were only in her mind.

The shaking stopped not long after, even if the ringing in her head didn’t, Maggie melting into Alex’s embrace to try and escape it all. She was subconsciously shifting over so Alex could sit next to her instead of awkwardly standing next to the bed, ignoring the groan of her muscles and the burn of her skin as she sheets moved the bandage over her road rash. Alex took the hint and sat down with Maggie, pulling her into her arms again carefully, wrapping them with precision to avoid hurting the detective.

Without a word from Maggie, Alex was readjusting the hospital bed to a horizontal position, allowing Maggie to lay down and relax, running gentle fingers through soft hair. Maggie shifted slightly, her head now resting on Alex’s chest, hearing her heartbeat through her shirt, which she used to ground her and keep her present and calm. It worked wonders; listening to Alex’s heartbeat and breathing. It felt right, it felt safe, it felt like everything she’d ever wanted.

They stayed like that for what seemed like hours, the pair breathing softly as Maggie recovered from the jolt of waking up from nightmares. Eventually she took it upon herself to find her voice, to relieve Alex of the job she’d appointed herself, one of reassuring Maggie, one of comforting Maggie, as much as she hated for the moment to end.

“Okay so I remember the crash apparently…” Maggie said softly, feeling Alex jump slightly at the sudden change from the silence that had been surrounding them.

“Is that what woke you up?” Alex asked, not moving from her spot in Maggie’s bed, her fingers still running through her hair as Maggie relaxed again fully, realizing that Alex wasn’t going anywhere; at least for now. She nodded at Alex’s question, feeling the paramedic sigh in response and very slightly tightening her arms to give Maggie a supportive hug. “I should check the dressing on your thigh, want me to do that now? I’ll have a look at your ribs too, I want to make sure the bruising isn’t getting worse.”

“Do you have to?” Maggie half-groaned, knowing that the impending check-up also meant impending discomfort. Alex laughed and nodded.

“It’s either me or Nurse Dawn. And she’s not exactly the most fun to deal with at… Nearly midnight.”

“Alright Danvers, let’s see you work your medical degree then.” Maggie concluded, slowly moving off of her spot on Alex to allow her to get up, which she did a few seconds later, but only after hesitating, obviously having been as comfortable in bed with Maggie as Maggie herself had been. She helped Maggie get back into the middle of the bed before pulling the covers off her, getting a “rude” from Maggie, who was briefly covered in goosebumps. Alex chuckled to herself and got what she needed from a storage cabinet in the corner of the room, something Maggie had failed to notice during her first assessment of the room.

She was soft, unbelievably so, as she unwrapped Maggie’s outer thigh, careful to not hurt to detective in any way as she revealed bright red skin. It was so raw it look like it had been scorched, which, well, it kind of had. The friction of the pavement against skin moving that fast across it was grounds for burning and heat. Maggie watched curiously as Alex gently, oh so gently, started cleaning the massive scrape. She avoided the worst parts with the antiseptic wipes she had, cleaning them out instead with cloth, which was a softer material for more seriously damaged skin. And then Maggie wasn’t watching Alex’s hands at all, but her face.

She watched as the little crease in between her eyebrows appeared as she concentrated.

She watched the way Alex bit her lip when she got to a particularly difficult spot, focused beyond belief.

She watched as her lips parted slightly as she breathed. Steady, always steady.

She watched as brown eyes grazed over her work, nearly done now, paying attention to every detail.

And she watched as those very brown eyes flicked upwards to meet her own, darker, ones. Alex held Maggie’s gaze for a few seconds, an eyebrow raising as she did. It took a second for Maggie to even realize that the physician was asking her a question. What it was, she had no idea. So she concentrated more when Alex asked her, again, if she was in pain. She couldn’t even form words, not when Alex was looking at her like that, like she didn’t care about anything but Maggie’s wellbeing. Thankfully the rest of her body wasn’t as frozen in the moment as her mind was, because she felt her head shake and watched as Alex smiled slightly at the answer, proud of her delicate work.

And then Alex was standing and taking off the gloves she’d had on.

And then Alex was pulling her chair along with her as she moved closer to Maggie’s head.

“Can you lift your shirt? Or is it okay if I do?” Alex asked, toying with the hem of Maggie’s hospital-provided pyjamas. Maggie laughed and lifted her arm carefully, allowing Alex access to her rib, knowing that’s exactly what she wanted to look at next. Alex smirked at the little laugh and lifted the shirt, careful to only reveal the side of Maggie’s ribcage. She looked at it closely, running fingers tips over the side, probably making sure that there wasn’t anything there wasn’t supposed to be. Maggie felt the pain then, of a hand probing a pretty wicked bruise, but she said nothing. Alex shrugged, dropping the shirt and crossing her arms, leaning back in the rolling chair she’d been sat in. “Looking good detective, you’ll be fine. I’ll rewrap up your road rash and appendectomy incision and then you need to get some more sleep and I need to get home, it’s late.”

“Can you… Can you stay?” Maggie said, watching Alex still as she wrapped up her wound before swallowing hard and taking a deep breath, obviously calculating her response very carefully.

“I mean…” She started, clenching and unclenching her hands as she did when she was unsure of herself, Maggie had noticed that when they’d sent Jason off all that time ago. Alex was good at keeping her cool, but she had little ticks that gave her away, and this was one of them. “I could. But I probably shouldn’t.”

“Please?”

“Maggie…” Alex sighed and went back to her work, finishing up and cleaning up before continuing. “Fine. But only because you’re my friend and I know your case. You have to sleep though, okay?” Maggie smiled brightly, drawing an ‘x’ over her heart in promise and pulling up the covers, making herself warm again under the heated blanket. Alex rolled her eyes and chuckled, shaking her head as she went to grab a pillow and some extra blankets, tossing them on the couch under the window. “Pain in my ass Sawyer.”

“Yeah well, you know that already.” Maggie said, her eyes staying shut but the smile never leaving her lips. Once her makeshift bed was set up, Alex pulled off her shirt, revealing a black tank top underneath. She slid under the covers before taking her pants off, still wanting to remain semi-decent in her place of work, even if she knew no one cared. “Hey um… Where’s Fender?” Maggie asked a few minutes later, suddenly worried about her dog.

“I went to the precinct while you were in surgery. Your buddy there said he had a key of yours and would go pick him up.” Alex replied, yawning. “And your bike is in the shop. Its fine for the most part, just needs some body work.”

“Oh… Wow… Thank you.” Maggie said, a note of finality in her voice as she could already hear Alex’s breath slowing as the girl fell asleep.

The night was a restless one for Maggie, who was never one to be able to sleep well on her back, especially when she was so constricted in her movements. She tried, she really did, but ultimately she probably clocked in only a couple hours by the time Alex’s alarm was ringing through the dark room at 7am. She watched as Alex groggily sat and pulled on her pants from the previous night. She watched as Alex yawned and stretched before padding into the adjoined bathroom to get herself ready for the day.

“Okay, covers off Sawyer, let’s take a look at that bandage.” Alex said, running her hand through her hair as she came out of the bathroom, trying to tame the mess on her head. Maggie smirked and chuckled to herself, sliding the covers off her left side, granting Alex access.

“How’s it looking?” Maggie asked as Alex unwrapped it and took a look. Alex told her it was looking really good and she’d get Maggie up on her feet today, but that she’d have to leave her with the nurses, at least for a few hours, while she was out on a run. Maggie agreed, but asked if she could have a change of clothes, not wanting to make an appearance around the hospital in the baggy and awkwardly fitting pyjamas she’d been given. Alex laughed and nodded.

“I’ll get them to bring you something a little nicer.” She said, folding up the blankets she’d used to sleep and setting them down on the couch. “Don’t be a pain in the ass. I’ll be back later and maybe we can get you discharged. But only if you promise to keep up with looking after that road rash.”

Maggie absolutely hated the hospital. She always had, and she probably always would. And having Alex absent from most of her day was absolute agony. She felt belittled because she wasn’t at full strength, as though she was less of a person because she was a patient. Which, obviously, wasn’t true, but she’d also never liked people treading lightly around her, which is exactly what the nurses were doing. She hated feeling small and maybe that’s why she hated hospitals, because it reduced her to someone who couldn’t cope herself. Either way Maggie was definitely not having fun.

The nurses prodded at her wounds, wouldn’t let her drink coffee, and got mad when she tried to race a kid in a wheelchair. Which, okay, the last part was probably her mistake, but the rest of it was just annoying. So, when she was served lunch, she simply flicked through the TV channels and ignored the fact that she was supposed to have called in one of the nurses to teach her how to clean her road rash dressing. I mean, how hard could it be? Worse comes to worse she could just ask Alex. Who, by the way, was apparently on the scene of a huge crash, from what Maggie had heard in the hallways. She might seem aloof, and the nurses might have thought she was a terrible listener but detective Sawyer was no idiot, she held her title for a reason, she was very good at listening.

According to her sources (a lanky surgical intern and one of the more chatty nurses), almost a dozen paramedics and six ambulances were currently trying to get a hold of the major pileup situation. It must have been bad because the talk didn’t stop. Rumours about the number of casualties, rumours about a potential paramedic injury, and even rumours about a baby being delivered making their way past Maggie’s room. She listened to everything, amusing herself as she tried to put together an image of what was happening wherever Alex Danvers was. It was quickly becoming something of a game for the detective as she jotted down her theories as to potential cause and repercussions of the incident. Obviously she’d eventually get the full story, so she hoped to at least be right on some front. Her answers came as soon as a very tired and dirt-covered Alex shuffled into her room and collapsed on the couch after putting down her things on the floor beside her feet.

“Holy shit Alex are you okay?” Maggie asked, standing up and going to take a seat next to her, ignoring the constant ache from her bruised ribs. Alex nodded and yawned, reaching down into the bag she had with her and passing Maggie a cup of coffee.

“I heard the nurses were being mean.” She joked, closing her eyes and laughing to herself as Maggie squealed in delight and grabbed the coffee, immediately bringing it to her lips and taking a sip, sighing happily as the drink made its way down her throat. “I have to go again soon, but I discharged you already so you’re free to go. You got your wallet and keys right? You can keep the clothes they gave to you too if you want.”

Maggie nodded, gathering her things and stuffing the pocket of the pants she bought in the gift shop/makeshift clothes store downstairs, shrugging and leaving the borrowed clothes on the bed, having no need for them at all. She offered Alex a hand to stand up again, one Alex graciously accepted, stretching and grabbing her bag up off the floor, rummaging through it.

What Maggie expected to come from the bag she didn’t know, but what Alex pulled out was the last thing she would have ever imagined to come from it, except maybe a puppy or something. Standing in front of her was Alex Danvers, now holding a new black leather coat in her hand and sporting a huge grin on her face.

“I figured you’d need a replacement, your other one got scorched in the accident.” Alex said, passing it over to Maggie, who was beaming and sliding it on. It fit almost perfectly and looked amazing, even with the mediocre outfit she currently had on. “And don’t tell me it’s too much because you’re keeping it.”

“Alex… I just…” Maggie started, unable to keep the smile off her face as she finally met Alex’s eyes again. What she did next she probably shouldn’t have done. But with poor impulse control, a solid lack of sleep, and newly consumed coffee running through her veins, Maggie didn’t even think twice. She just stepped forward and reached up to Alex’s face, pulling her down to kiss her. She kissed her with all that pent-up longing and attraction she’d been fighting off for weeks. It was almost a “thank you” for everything; from the lacerated shoulder to the nights playing pool at the bar to taking care of her the past few days.

And then something surprised Maggie. It surprised her because she didn’t think Alex reciprocated her feelings. She thought it was going to be another one of those “I’m sorry Maggie but I don’t feel the same way” situations again. But suddenly Alex was kissing her back; Suddenly Alex was grabbing Maggie’s waist and pulling her closer. Suddenly, in the midst of a crazy day, everything made sense. Because Alex was kissing her back. Alex wasn’t pushing her off. Alex was actually leaning into her touch. Alex was accepting the intimacy, she was accepting Maggie’s forwardness. And it was amazing. Beyond anything she could have imagined.

Because she could feel everything.

Soft lips moving with hers as they stood there together.

Short hair tangled in her own fingers as she was sliding her hands to the nape of Alex’s neck.

Strong but gentle hands on her waist as Alex squeezed them, almost a sign of encouragement.

It was overwhelming and it was _incredible_ and it was perfect, absolutely perfect. Because Alex Danvers was everywhere. Everywhere. In her hands, against her mouth, pressing into her body, filling her every thought, ringing in her ears through heated breaths. And Maggie never wanted it to end. Never.

She realized then that she could stand in a tiny hospital room kissing Alex forever and she’d be happy. Not because she was kissing a beautiful girl, but rather because of who that beautiful girl was. A strong and smart and funny woman. Suddenly it wasn’t about where she was but who she was with. Because Maggie Sawyer might just be falling in love with Alex Danvers.

And as much as Maggie would have _loved_ to stay there all day kissing Alex, she didn’t. No, she pulled away first. Reluctantly, of course. But she pulled away and she grabbed her things and she walked to the door and she swung it open. She hesitated, looking back at a clearly flustered and confused-looking Alex Danvers before smiling brightly and saying nothing but:

“See you around Danvers. Call me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, happy to answer questions or talk about anything you wish!
> 
> Tumblr: nat-on-the-run  
> Twitter: @nerdalert_nat


	6. Absconder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex finds herself caught in between what she feels she should do and what she wants to do. Meanwhile, Maggie gets pulled into Alex's world a little more, and it's not quite what she expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry for the wait on this one! This is a big chapter, one that will determine the pace and plot for the rest of the fic. I'll update the tags in a couple days. Enjoy!

“Kara.” Alex said, walking up to her sister’s desk at CatCo, her sister seeming to be miles deep in papers and magazine layouts. “Kara. I need to talk to you. Now. Please.”

“Alex? Why are you here? What’s going on?” Kara asked, immediately dropping her work and standing up, pulling Alex to the side, hands strong on her sister’s shoulders as she tried to get a read on Alex, who was clearly very flustered. She took a deep breath and looked around, deciding to take Alex into one of the board rooms, not wanting whatever was bothering her sister to be out in the open where her nosey coworkers stood.

Alex took a deep breath and began pacing in the room Kara had lead them to, her fists clenching and unclenching as she tried to gather her words, not exactly sure where to start. If she started with the kiss Kara would freak out and get excited. If she started with the leather coat she would do the same. So she settled on the nightmares.

“Maggie was having nightmares about the crash.” She started, catching Kara’s questioning eye quickly before turning away again, going back to her pacing and taking another deep breath. “Kara… She… I held Maggie to calm her down. And I spent the night in her room. And… Fuck…”

“Alex what’s going on? You can tell me anything. I promise I’ll wait for you to finish before commenting.” Kara said calmly, pulling out a chair and taking a seat, giving Alex the floor and the space she often needed when trying to discuss something that was bothering her.

For someone who spent her life rushing around and seeing people run around with her, the fact that she needed someone to be grounded while talking to them was strange. But Kara knew exactly how to work with her sister, obviously. So she sat down, she stayed in one place, allowing Alex to move freely while still always knowing where she’d find Kara. In a life full of surprises, it was nice to have that grounding. Kara rarely saw Alex like this. She could probably count on one hand the amount of times her sister had lost her cool like that.

Once when she was seventeen and they got news that Jeremiah was a casualty of war.

Once when her ex-girlfriend Brooke had been in a bad car accident while she was across the country.

Once when Kara had nearly died because of the Black Mercy.

And now. Now she was all flustered and broken up again. And Kara knew why, even if Alex hadn’t told her yet. Something had happened with Maggie, something that had revealed the detective’s quite obvious feelings towards Alex. And Alex was freaking out. Because of course, _of course_ , Alex liked her back. But Alex couldn’t date Maggie. Kara knew this too. And although she’d told Alex time and time again that maybe this time it would be different, maybe this time she could make it work despite everything going on in her life, Alex wouldn’t have it. So now she was freaking out about it. But despite all her opinions on the matter, Kara just waited for Alex to tell her and figure it out herself as per usual. Alex rarely needed advice, she usually just started talking and talking and talking and figured it out herself after voicing it outwardly.

“So I spent the night.” Alex continued after a couple minutes of gathering all the words that were jumbled in her head, after straightening them all out into coherent sentences. “I spent the night and went on patrol and while I was out I bought Maggie a new leather coat because hers was wrecked in the accident. So I gave it to her and she kissed me. And it was amazing… And I…”

“I know Alex. You can’t date her.” Kara said, finishing her sister’s sentence, seeing Alex nod in response and run a hand through her hair with frustration. “And I know you don’t want to hear this but maybe you should just be honest with her. I mean you’re hiding this huge part of who you are. Don’t you think she deserves to know that part of you? Even if it is as friends?”

“I can’t do that again Kara… This is better, for both of us.” Alex said, taking a defeated seat in the chair next to Kara’s. “And I don’t want to hurt her either… I need to let her know that I can’t date her while still keeping that part of me private. And I really, really don’t know how to do that.”

Kara nodded, not knowing how to respond to that. She understood, as Supergirl, she understood. But it wasn’t some generic copy and paste situation when it came to navigating the difficult situation of keeping a secret. So she couldn’t do anything to help Alex other than just listen and try to be as supportive as possible about it all. Because she knew how hard it was, how much it could take a toll on you, especially when emotions got mixed into it all. Especially when you were lying to protect someone and yet couldn’t tell them that.

“I’m scared, Kara.” The confession came out of the blue. Kara had never heard Alex admit she was scared before. Not unless she was four drinks deep in whiskey or whispering the words as she rocked and sobbed at 2am. But never like this, never blatantly sober and aware. “I’m scared.”

“Talk to her Alex, just talk to her. You need to stop supressing your feelings, it’s eating you up. And as someone who loves you, I hate seeing that. I know you have a lot on your plate, and I know that your life is going to get shaken up again soon. But trying to handle this all yourself is not something you have to do. You’re never alone Alex. And you don’t have to be now either.” Kara said, standing up and pulling Alex into her arms, holding her tight, feeling her sister’s breath falter but not break. “I love you Alex. And I know it’s hard but you can do it. Go talk to Maggie.”

* * *

Two days later Alex did exactly what Kara had told her to. It was a sunny Thursday afternoon when she met Maggie for a coffee, having been spared a couple hours from work, the timing having matched up with Maggie’s lunch break (it was her first day back at work). Alex nervously waited in the back corner, two black coffees sitting in front of her, her knee bouncing with anxiety. She knew this wasn’t going to be a fun conversation, but it was a necessary one. She didn’t want to be that person that kept someone else on the “hook”, even if she wasn’t aware she was doing it.

Maggie walked in with a light radiating from her Alex had never seen before. The sun seemed to shine just for her, and she could swear that Maggie could part oceans with that smile. Detective Maggie Sawyer, breaking hearts just by owning the room in that loose fitting white top and the very leather jacket she had bought for her. She spotted Alex quickly and sauntered over, opening up her arms for the hug that Alex was accepting as she stood up, holding on a second too long. She took a seat across from Alex, crossing her legs and leaning back into the uncomfortable chair, picking up the coffee in front of her.

“You wanted to talk?” Maggie said, looking around the little café, one she’d never been to before, surprisingly. Alex gulped and took a deep breath, causing Maggie’s smile to disappear from her face and her heart to drop into her stomach. She knew what was coming. She’d been right about the ‘ _I like you but I can’t do this’_ talk she’d expected in the hospital, it was just coming late. “Spit it out. I know what you’re going to say…”

“Maggie, it’s not like that.” Alex said, avoiding Maggie’s piercing eyes, knowing that if she let herself look up that it’d be game over; that she’d not follow through with what she needed to say if those beautiful chocolate brown eyes were staring into her. “I can’t be with you Maggie.”

“Okay.” Alex heard the thickness of Maggie’s voice, she heard the shuffle of a boot against the floor, and she knew, she just knew, that if she saw Maggie’s face, that it would look broken. That all the light radiating from her mere seconds ago will have been replaced with a grey sky and a reserved posture as a defeated Maggie Sawyer registered what Alex had said. “Want to tell me why though? I just… I thought that… I don’t know. Just tell me why, Alex.”

“Shit…” Alex said to herself as she heard her name coming out as barely a whisper from Maggie’s lips. She knew she hurt her, hurt the one person she was comfortable with completely besides Kara. And she couldn’t even be honest with her as to why. “I just don’t like you like that Maggie. We’re not right together. You’re great, it’s not about you. It’s… I just can’t date you okay? I know it’s not much consolation but that’s all I have to say.”

“Fine. I have to go. Bye, Danvers.” Maggie said simply. She got up and left without another word, leaving Alex alone again with two almost-full black coffees sitting on the table, still hot. Alex hung her head and clenched her jaw so tightly that it started cramping almost immediately as she picked up both drinks and tossed them away, resisting the urge to throw them at the wall angrily. Instead of taking out her anger and hurt on anything she pulled herself together. As she always did.

She put on loud music. She began walking at a breakneck pace. And she went back to work, back to the distraction being a paramedic allotted for. And she knew, even now, that her heavyweight bag and her bottle of whiskey would be getting a visit tonight. Or, well, she thought.

Kara was at her apartment not even five minutes after she’d hung her coat, dragging her out the door for a night of fun. She’d talked with her on the phone about how her chat with Maggie had gone so she knew exactly what Alex had needed: a distraction from the impending guilt trip she was about to give herself. So she was dragging Alex out of her door and scooping her up and flying high and fast before her sister had even said hello.

And then Alex was laughing, genuinely. She hadn’t been flying with Kara just for fun in years, and she’d forgotten how much fun it was, how liberating it was, to feel cold air through your hair, to feel like you could see the entire world, to feel like you could see the light of life, see the true beauty in living. Kara carefully changed her grip on Alex then, holding her back to her chest as to allow Alex the feeling of flying herself, arms stretched out and flying face first into the horizon as the sun was setting.

“Soak it up Danvers.” Kara teased, laughing as Alex tried to smack her for using Maggie’s nickname for her, not being able to quite reach Kara properly which lead to her grumbling but laughing along with her younger sister.

They flew around National city for a solid half hour before Kara decided on what seemed to be a random rooftop right on the edge of downtown, giving them an incredible view of the city scape in front of them. Alex was in awe at the sight, never having had the pleasure of seeing the city she’d fallen in love with quite like this.

 The sky was painted orange and the buildings reflected that warm light, radiating the beauty it contained. The citizens bustled along on crowded streets which seemed miles away from so far up. The wind rustled the trees that lines the sidewalks, bringing nature into a concrete beast. And Kara was laughing, laughing at the incredible night they were sharing amidst a rough day. It was the most beautiful moment, Alex thought, she’d lived to date. Her favourite person, her favourite place, her favourite time of day. The only thing that could make it better was-

“I got us dinner. From your favourite food truck in Chicago.”

“You’re amazing Kara.” Alex laughed, the hilarity of the perfect night (now becoming even more perfect) finally catching up to her. What she’d done to deserve a sister like Kara, she’d never know. But whoever it was that had destined them to be together, well, she was eternally grateful. Because Kara’s light made every day brighter, and every bad moment more tolerable. Kara was the best of everyone; the kindest, the most humble, the silliest, and the best role model Alex had ever met. And she was her sister, she was her family.

“So I was thinking we sit down and finish One Day at a Time tonight?” Kara suggested as they sat with their legs swinging over the edge of the building, Alex knowing she was safe this high up because of Kara. “Oh! We can get rockyroad and mint chocolate chip ice cream! Please Alex? Please, please, please?”

“I’m not allowed to say no am I?” Alex asked, looking over at Kara, who was staring forward but sporting a very familiar smirk. “Okay but you have to help me pack boxes too then. My lease is up in a couple weeks… Not that you don’t know that because I’m moving in with you. Still okay with that? I don’t want to, you know, invade.”

“Of course Alex!! I can’t wait to live with you again, even if it’s just for a little while before…” Kara tapered off, not finishing the end of her sentence. Because if she did then it would be real, and she wasn’t ready for that yet. “It’ll be great. I promise I’m happy to have you as a roommate again. Or… How about we bake! I love baking. Your boxes can wait. We’re baking at my house instead. Ice cream still included.”

“Kara…” Alex started, looking over at her sister, whose eyes were absolutely beaming as she thought about baking, probably already excited to scarf down whatever they’d end up pulling out of her oven later. So instead of protesting Alex just laughed and nodded, shouldering Kara and swinging her legs back around off the ledge. “Better get going then. What are we making?”

“You mean what am I making? Don’t give me that look! Alex stop it. You suck at cooking, you know this, and I know this. I’m not letting you near my oven when it’s on again, last time you almost set it on fire! You can watch.”

“Fine. At least make those walnut brownies then, I love them.” Alex mumbled, stretching her arms out and readying herself for Kara to pick her up again.

Alex was not a vulnerable person, she was not a touchy person. Not with anyone but Kara really. She never really liked the concept of physical touch, so she tended to avoid it with the exception of a very carefully selected group of people. That was one thing that confused her about Maggie. Because she wasn’t reserved around Maggie when it came to things like that. They teased each other with nudges and pokes and little taps of acknowledgement. And then there was the fact that Alex had immediately taken the smaller girl into her arms when she’d gotten scared, when she’d been shaken awake by terrible images, when she’d been vulnerable. Alex hadn’t even hesitated.

And that was unusual.

And it scared her.

Because of course she was like that with ex-girlfriends, but not right away, sometimes not at all. Sometimes it had been nothing more than physical touches when they were having sex, or when their hands were laced together. Sometimes it was nothing more than compulsory touching. There had been some, maybe two or three that Alex had felt comfortable touching casually but, again, never right away.

Not like Maggie. Nothing like Maggie.

But she wasn’t allowed to do that to herself, to think about what they could be, what they could have, because Alex knew, better than anyone, that that life just wasn’t for her. Not anymore. And not with someone as amazing as Maggie, she wouldn’t put Maggie through that, and she wouldn’t put herself through that. Because she had other commitments, reasons to keep her distance, to stay out of a relationship. She knew better; both from experience and from common sense. So she shoved it down, she put on a smile, and she hopped into Kara’s arms and let her sister bring her back to her place to bake.

The night was a huge success, with Kara only letting Alex handle the dry ingredients of the brownie mix because, honestly, could anyone mess that up? And then they shared the warm brownies while they watched One Day at a Time before tucking in for the night, Alex pulling out the spare pyjamas she kept there, and crawling into the large bed with Kara, who immediately fell asleep.

The text message came in at 12:30am. While Kara slept and Alex lay awake staring at the rafters of her sister’s apartment, unable to sleep.

**_I just want to know one thing… Is there someone else? Because I don’t want to be the girl that goes around kissing someone else’s girlfriend. Ease my mind please._ **

Alex sighed and bit her lip, mulling over her answer for a long time before she typed it out, wanting to be cautious with what she said. No, there wasn’t anyone else, of course not. But this was her once shot to explain, to let Maggie know that this wasn’t about her, not really, but the situation.

 ** _No, Maggie. God no, there’s no one else. I wish I could explain more honestly, I really do... I’ll say this though: I can’t date you because I can’t LET myself date you, not because you’re not absolutely amazing, because you are._** And then: ** _I’m sorry._**

She half-expected to get an answer, but after waiting for a good twenty minutes without another text from Maggie coming in, Alex sighed and accepted the fact that whatever friendship she thought she could have with Maggie was probably gone.

* * *

“She can’t _let_ herself? What does that even mean?!” Maggie said, complaining over the phone to her best friend from the academy, who worked in Central City. “I just… I don’t know Heather… She seems so conflicted about something. And while I want to know what’s eating her up I can’t be that person that pushes it you know?... Yeah, yeah okay fine, I should talk to her… No… Heather no I’m not going to kiss her again and see what happens…” Maggie rolled her eyes at her best friend’s ramble about just going to ask Alex what was up. She knew Heather was right, but that didn’t mean that she wanted to do it.  “Fine! Heather, fine! I’ll go talk to her after work… No I won’t be confrontational… I won’t! Ugh whatever. I’ll call you later.”

At eight o’clock that night, after working two hours of overtime, Maggie grumbled and made her way back to her car, loading up Fender and speeding home to get something to eat. She knew she had to go talk to Alex. She knew that there was unfinished business there. What that was, she wasn’t quite sure yet. But regardless of her confusion about it, they needed to talk. They definitely needed to talk.

So anxious to the point of nearly throwing up, Maggie hopped on her Triumph and made her way towards Alex’s place, hoping she’d be there. She dragged the ten minute ride out to over twenty, circling the blocks around Alex’s building a few times, trying to psych herself up to just park and go to her door.

Maggie had never loved conversations like this. She always followed through with them, but it was never for lack of nervousness beforehand.

When she was eleven her friend Jordan stole her soccer ball and it took her four days to pluck up the courage to confront him.

When she was in college she found out her girlfriend Annie had fallen into taking drugs with her roommate. Maggie found out, well, confirmed her suspicions, a week and a half before she said anything about it.

And here she was now. Wondering just what Alex was going to say about their kiss, about their very obvious attraction to one another, about the fact that Maggie was about to confront her directly about exactly _why_ she apparently wasn’t letting herself date the detective. It was terrifying, to bring up all of those questions, but it was necessary. For Maggie’s peace of mind at the very least. And at the most? Well, maybe there was something salvageable.

Maggie didn’t have to get buzzed up as someone was coming out of the building as she was walking up, holding the door open wide to let her in. She thanked the older man with a nod and ducked into the apartment complex, contemplating taking the stairs but settling on the elevator, knowing that being out of breath would not help her case. She rode it alone and in complete silence, hands stiff by her side, stance rigid, like she’d stood many times as she awaited instruction as a rookie cop. The elevator slowed and stopped when it reached Alex’s floor, the doors gliding open soundlessly.

She stood in front of Alex’s apartment door for what seemed like hours, weighing the pros and cons of knocking on the door. Wondering where this would lead, hoping, wishing more than anything that she might leave with a smile on her face, but being ready for the exact opposite.

“Well… Now or never I guess.” She said to herself, taking one last deep breath and knocking on the door. She immediately heard a shuffle inside the apartment. So Alex was home. Okay. Now it was real. The door swung open, revealing a wide-eyed Alex Danvers wearing a red sweater and jeans that hugged her curves just right. If Maggie hadn’t been scared shitless she might have swooned. But she was there for a reason, she was there to talk and to get answers. So she just nodded and side-stepped Alex, walking right into her apartment, one she hadn’t seen fully before.

Maggie noticed the dozens of cardboard boxes immediately. I mean, how could you not noticed them, they were filling the entire space. Which just made her more confused, more nervous about the question she was about to ask. She heard Alex close the door softly behind her as she faced the large windows opposite to the door, keeping her stance strong and her back to Alex as she took the plunge.

“What’s going on with you? With all of this?” Maggie said, turning around to catch Alex’s eye as she spewed out the last word. Alex looked around and raised an eyebrow before smiling ever so slightly and crossing her arms, leaning against her door.

“I’m moving.” She replied with a smug look on her face.

“No that’s not what I… Okay that answers one question. But I meant what’s going on with us? Because clearly something is up.” Maggie continued, pacing slightly, hands now stuffed in her pockets, head hanging.

“Nothing’s up Maggie. I told you I can’t date you.” Alex said simply, pushing herself to a proper standing position now, taking a couple steps forward but keeping her arms crossed as she watched Maggie, as she tried to figure out exactly where the detective’s head was at. She watched as Maggie turned around, frustrated, and ran a hand through her black hair, taking a deep breath before, finally, bring her gaze to Alex’s again.

“See, and I know that. But I call bullshit Danvers.” Maggie spat, clearly needing to get something off her chest, clearly having a million things running through her head at that very instant. “I call bullshit because you kissed me back. Damn it Alex. You kissed me back and I know this isn’t nothing.” Maggie watched as Alex faltered. Her arms fell to her sides and she swallowed hard, tearing her own eyes from Maggie’s now, their positions suddenly reversed. Alex looked vulnerable, she looked hurt, she looked ready to crawl back into that castle of defensive walls she’d built up, the walls that Maggie had been slowly breaking down. Maggie waited; because she knew that Alex had something to say and that she was just trying to figure out exactly _how_ to say it.  

“I just… I can’t Maggie!” Alex said finally, throwing her hands up in the air and letting out a frustrated sigh. She’d didn’t move from her spot though. No, she just took a deep breath and lifted her head once more. “I can’t date anyone okay? I’m single by choice, not by obligation.”

“Well maybe you should explain that to me then. Because at this point I just don’t understand.” Maggie said, trying her very hardest to keep her tone neutral, but knowing just as well that she was failing miserably.

“It’s not that simple…” Was all Alex replied as she balled her hands into fists and leaned sideways against her island counter, seemingly exhausted.

“Well it should be. Because I like you and I thought you liked me. So if it’s something I did please tell me so I can fix it.” Maggie said, raising her voice now. Because she’d asked nicely, she’d been reasonable, and it was getting her nowhere, so her emotions were taking over. “So I can make up for whatever I did wrong. Because if I’m not good enough or I’m not kind enough I can change that. I want to change that.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” It was barely a whisper. But Maggie heard. Loud and clear. And it pissed her off.

“Then what the hell Alex?! I don’t get why you won’t let me in, why you won’t let me show you that not everyone’s the same!” Her voiced was raised, her eyes were clouded with tears. Because she felt so small, so alone. She felt like she was worthless in the eyes of the great Alex Danvers, worthless because apparently she was so damn fucked up that there wasn’t just one answer as to why she wasn’t the right choice. Or so that’s what she thought. Because amidst all of her anger and pain, Maggie had forgotten that Alex was hiding something from her. She’d forgotten that Alex had never said she didn’t like her back. She’d forgotten that Alex had held her when she was crying, that Alex had trusted her with a life of her patient, that Alex had shown her pieces of herself she’d not shown anyone in a long time.

She paced then, she paced across a few square feet of Alex’s apartment, keeping the tears in, avoiding any kind of eye contact. She paced until she pulled herself together enough to look up at Alex again.

“Maggie…”

“What?! What’s your excuse now?!” Maggie yelled, her own hands in fists now as she held them by her side and stared Alex down. And then Alex clenched her jaw and stood up straight, her shoulders relaxing and her eyes turning cold.

“I’m in the army.” Alex said, completely catching Maggie off guard.

“The arm- wait what?”

“I’m a soldier.” Alex continued, watching Maggie’s reaction to it all. Maggie had frozen in place, unable to move. Her eyes were wide, and her mind was reeling. “That’s where I am every Friday and Saturday. I’m training. I keep my job at the hospital because I’m a combat medic in the infantry division and the military wants me to keep practicing medicine so I’m at the top of my game when I get deployed. I don’t date because no one wants to date a soldier. It’s too hard for most people. So I don’t date.”

“Alex I-“

“Just. Don’t. Okay?” Alex cut her off, raising a hand and turning around, shaking her head. She kept talking with her back turned to Maggie. “I know that look. I never wanted it from you because I get it from everyone that’s ever been interested in me. You were supposed to be different.”

“I’m not trying to be sympathetic I’m…” Maggie said, her voice soft as the tears finally spilled over, reducing her built-up armour to dust. She walked forward, almost reaching out to put a hand on Alex’s shoulder from behind, but thinking better of it. Instead she took a breath and stepped back again, resining herself to a smaller position as she crossed her arms tightly over her chest. “I didn’t know.”

“I know you didn’t, I made sure of that. But now you do so…” Alex replied, turned half around again to catch Maggie’s eye.

“I’m sorry.” Was all Maggie could think to say as she watched Alex walk over to her door and open it again, her jaw clenched and her body language reserved. Maggie knew exactly what she was going to say before she did.

“You should go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! If you have any questions, don't hesitate in sending me a message on tumblr or twitter.
> 
> I have also started my 50 days of #TakeMeBackAU tag on twitter! I'll be tweeting out a line from each of the 50 songs I have included in the playlist for this fic for, you guessed it, 50 days.  
> The full playlist will be available on YouTube and Spotify at the end of the 50 days for everyone to enjoy.  
> Here's a link to the first tweet: https://twitter.com/nerdalert_nat/status/898577827334733828 
> 
> Twitter: @nerdalert_nat  
> Tumblr: nat-on-the-run


	7. Runaway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At ends, Maggie and Alex deal with their new reality.

Alex woke up to a soft breeze making its way through her apartment, a morning sun shining through the shear curtains, and a gentle melody playing as her alarm. For a few seconds she was at peace, taking in deep breaths of fresh air and stretching her sore limbs. For a few seconds she’d forgotten what had happened the night before. But then her world came crashing down. Maggie knew.

Maggie knew she was in the army now. Things were different now. Things could never be what they were. Because Maggie knew. And Alex had told her to leave; and she had. Maggie left and Alex knew that she probably wouldn’t come back, not after the train wreck of a night they’d had.

She forced the memories back.

She forced her body to swing itself out of bed.

She forced herself to shower.

She forced herself to get dressed in her military attire and head to training.

She forced herself to put on a brave face as she took a deep breath and stood strong.

She forced the smile on.

And she forced the flashbacks of Maggie’s face, of the pain that had flashed across it, out of her mind.

“Danvers.” She heard from behind her as she walked into the aircraft hangar, which she had to pass through to get to the shooting range where she was stationed for the morning. She immediately stiffened into her military stance and turned around, arms pinned by her sides and back straight. Meeting eyes with her commanding officer, Susan Vasquez, Alex visibly relaxed while still keeping her stance up to code. Vasquez nodded at her. “At ease Alex, let’s walk.” 

“What’s going on?” Alex asked, clasping her hands behind her back as she fell in line with Vasquez.

“I know when my soldiers aren’t in top shape Danvers. I’m here as a friend, not as your officer. What’s wrong?” Vasquez replied, looking over at Alex, who continued staring straight ahead, probably to avoid showing any type of emotions she might let spill through by meeting her sergeant’s eyes. She knew Alex well enough to know how the girl functioned, she’d been her commanding officer for a couple years now. So she knew her, or, well, she thought she did. Alex had been a very private person the entire time she knew her.

Of course she knew basic information: where she’d grown up, that she had a sister named Kara, and that she was a paramedic. But she never was allowed by Alex to see deeper than that.

She’d picked up on a few things too: the way her whole body tensed when she was on the phone with her mother. The way that she would shake her head out when she was tired after a long day, only to push through it, to train harder and to work longer than normal. The way that, when she was in a particularly stressful situation, she’d been known to clench and unclench her fists.

But maybe, actually, she didn’t _really know_ Alex Danvers. So when she replied to her question she was thrown off. She was thrown off because suddenly, for the first time in two years, Alex was shedding that rock-hard persona she wore everywhere.

“I fucked up.” Alex said, stuffing her clenched fists into her pockets. She slowed her pace and took a step to the side and out of earshot of the rest of the troops that were pandering around the space. “I’m not good at letting people in, clearly, you know that.”

“I do. What is it Alex?” She tried again, crossing her arms over her chest and relaxing her own stance as an invitation. She wanted Alex to know that even if she outranked her, that she was her friend. That, unless they were in check, on the battlefield, or in training, that that friendship came first. “Is it a girl?”

“Yes I—” Alex started, taken aback suddenly and snapping her head sideways to meet Vasquez’s eyes. “I never told you I was gay.”

“Please Danvers, you’re not exactly subtle.” She said, and out of earshot of the rest of the troops that were pandering around the space. She stood laughing at Alex, who looked completely dumbfounded at the revelation. “You talk loud with Lane and Olsen, I hear you guys, and I’m not a moron. That and you don’t notice when almost all the men on this damn base flirt with you.”

“Oh.” Vazquez chuckled at Alex’s single-syllable response, raising an eyebrow as if to give her a little push to continue on her story. “Right. I guess all I really have to say is that being in the army is hard. And most people don’t understand that. And they’re not ready for the commitment that comes with dating a solider. So I pushed someone away last night. Someone I could really like, because I don’t let myself date.”

“Ahhhh, yeah okay gotcha. Look Alex, you don’t have to close yourself off completely to that prospect you know? Lots of people, hell, most people here, aren’t single. They make it work and so can you.” Vasquez said, clapping her hand on Alex’s shoulder, tugging her back into the main hallway after having realized that if they didn’t leave right then then they’d be late for the start of training. “Just don’t keep it off the table and you’ll be alright.”

“68 Whiskey!” James and Lucy, who’d been chatting excitedly, both said in unison when Alex walked into the room, the pair of them walking over to her as Vasquez made herself busy with paperwork she always seemed to be filling out. Alex laughed at the title they often used for her as both James and Lucy were grabbing her wrists and dragging her towards the front lines of the target practice corner.

The three of them were notorious for being rather trigger happy when it came to training. They were good, really good, when it came to accuracy and speed, topping their class when it came to everything gun-related. So that’s where they usually started, always wanting to get in what they loved first should they not have time to get back to it later. And, besides, starting with firearm training always meant they started their days off on the good foot.

Alex loaded up her assault rifle in record speed, having made her way to the starting blocks first, not even asking to go first as she normally would have. No, she just loaded the gun and emptied the magazine, and then the next one, and then the next one. She was about to reach for another when Lucy put a hand on her shoulder.

Because Lucy liked to believe that she knew Alex pretty well after four years. Through boot camp, through base training, through everything, she’d been with Alex through it all. So she put a hand on her shoulder and Alex stopped and stepped back, putting the gun down.

“Alex? What’s going on?” Lucy asked when her friend took off the noise cancelling earmuffs she’d been wearing. Alex simply bit her lip, as if she didn’t trust herself to hold her tongue without that. She shook her head and avoided Lucy’s eye. James’s too, because he’d turned to join them, blocking the view to Alex from everyone else within eyeshot, taking that precaution without having to ask. He, too, knew Alex fairly well. Sure, he’d only joined their training squad a year and a half ago, but he’d known Lucy from before, so the three of them had become a strong unit. So he said nothing but waited patiently with Lucy, giving Alex the space and the support she needed. “Alex please? We want to help.”

“I like to keep my life compartmentalized. And--” She started, rubbing her hands together in an attempt to fight off the nervousness she’d been feeling all morning. But as she looked up at them, at the two people who were as close as you could get to being friends with Alex Danvers, she backtracked. She felt like she needed to keep them in the dark, because it was all becoming too much. The different parts of her life were starting to tangle themselves together more and more and it needed to stop. So… “Nothing, nothing. Don’t worry about it, I’m okay, just a little tense.”

“Danvers, what happened?” James asked now, comfortable that he understood enough from Alex’s body language to be a little more forward with getting an answer from her.

“Nothing. Nothing happened. It’s fine. I’m fine. Come on, we have to train.” Alex said, turning back away from them and avoiding it all together. She really did enjoy being with James and Lucy, but they didn’t need to know. They were compartmentalized too, of course. She told Vasquez because her commanding officer needed to know about her mental state, and they weren’t that close, not like she was with these two. And she needed to keep these two safe, she wasn’t about to let them get intertwined in her personal life like Maggie had, she needed them to stay clear headed. So compartmentalizing it was. Again.

She trained hard that day. Harder than anyone had seen Corporal Danvers train before. They’d seen her train and push herself and punish herself for losing patients in her paramedic job before. On those days she’d been sweatier and had more bruises and more cuts than she normally did.

This was different.

This was ruthless and it was brutal. She paid no mind to anyone else that day; she was cold and detached and guarded as she barked orders to her team while taking the reins whenever she could, as if she needed to be in control of something, anything. No one said anything though, because they were terrified of her. She was the best of the best; she had the highest education of the entire platoon, she was the sharpest shooter the base had ever seen, and she was undefeated when it came to hand to hand combat, holding the longest record seen in over fifty years. So Alex Danvers had final say, even if she didn’t hold a higher title than anyone else in her squad. And Vasquez? Well, the Sergeant let her scare the rest of them. Partly because she knew Alex needed the release, and partly because the troops could use a good shake up.

It was past nine in the evening when Alex finally arrived back at her apartment, covered in dirt and bruises after their dryland training had closed off the day a few hours earlier. She’d stuck around, taking a few rounds with one of the targets again, feeling the power of the rifle she held and challenging her frustration into it. And then she’d called up one of the combat trainers who was still around. They’d sparred for a couple hours, working on Alex’s technique and strength. She made it very apparent that she wanted to be better, stronger, tougher, faster.

She sighed and hung her coat, knowing there was no point washing any of her clothes as she’d just be back again tomorrow for the Saturday grind. So she wandered around in her dark green US ARMY t-shirt and camouflage pants, having ditched her boots at the door. She bee lined to her liquor cabinet and grabbed the whiskey, not even bothering to add coke and a single ice cube like she normally did, pouring a double shot worth into a crystal glass and downing it in one sip. She filled the glass again and sighed, swirling it and then walking over and setting it on her coffee table, ready for when she’d return from her scalding shower.

She was drunk when she finally went to bed, much later than was healthy for a training soldier, much later than was healthy for anyone really. She went to bed drunk but with dry eyes, too angry with herself to even be sad about the situation. Because Maggie was out there, hurting, because of her. And Maggie was out there… Out there somewhere, without her.

* * *

“Two days.” She said to Shane as they sat having coffee on that beautiful Saturday afternoon. “It’s only been two days… Is it weird that it feels like it’s been so much longer?”

“No. Not weird at all. Perfectly normal if you ask me honestly.” Shane replied, finishing off the hot drink in his hand while the detective’s had barely been touched.

They sat in a Starbucks by Shane’s house, on the patio, as Fender slept at their feet. Shane had been the one to call Maggie out on her emotional distance. He’d known her long enough that he knew when the detective was having a bad day, or a bad couple of days. Her texts had been short and focused on his life. The avoidance of her own issues had what had made him call her out on it. She’d obliged and agreed to have coffee, something that would not have happened a couple years ago.

Maggie Sawyer had opened up a lot in the past little while. She’d grown to accept the part of her that needed to talk about her problems, which had come as a rude awakening when she was preaching those very morals at her little LGBT bunch. They’d taken it to heart while also helping Maggie open up herself. So now it didn’t take much for any of them to pull the truth from her. Shane was the best at it. Why that was, he wasn’t 100% sure, but he figured it had something to do with their similar mentalities and world views.

He wanted to be a cop. He wanted to be not only the first transgender cop in National City but also, eventually, the first transgender detective too. So he thought a lot like Maggie, and he understood what made her tick and how she processed information. I mean, he was good at picking up on things, he always had been and he’d need that if he ever even wanted to stand a chance at making detective, so it was a great attribute to have.

“Not to be a drag Mags, but your coffee is still almost full and I really want to go on that walk you promised.” He said eventually, pulling Maggie from the very concentrated “thinking face” Shane was more than familiar with and standing up immediately. Maggie laughed and apologized for spacing out, grabbing her cup and whistling Fender awake, following Shane’s lead towards the forest a few blocks away. They headed out together, Maggie passing Fender’s leash over to Shane to hold until they could let him off in the forest, chatting about Shane’s schooling mostly, having moved on from Alex for the time being. But it came back, obviously it did, Shane wasn’t just going to let Maggie off the hook with this one. “So, back to Alex. What are your thoughts about this? Apart from the whole ‘it’s only been two days’ thing?”

“Buddy come on.” Maggie said, shoving him sideways with her shoulder. She kept her gaze ahead on the rugged path, claiming she was simply watching her step. But they both knew that wasn’t true, they both knew that Maggie was trying her hardest to stay strong about all of this because that’s just what she did. That’s what she’d had to do since she was 14 years old. Just a kid… Just a kid. So she avoided Shane’s gaze but she heard his silence, a sign that he wanted to help her, that rang louder than any words. “It hurt Shane. It hurt a lot okay?”

“Yeah. I know it did. Why do you think it hurt so much?”

“Have you ever met someone and instantly known they’d be important in your life?” She asked him, finally taking a look at her kid’s face through her periphery. She saw him swallow hard and nod slowly, a small smile appearing on his face. Maggie raised an eyebrow at him, wondering what was on his mind. She let him talk before she continued with her own answer.

“Well yeah, duh, of course I have Mags. You. You’re probably the most important person that I’ve ever met. You never once looked at me differently, not like the rest of the world did. You made me feel like I wasn’t alone and that I wasn’t a freak…” He said, smiling brightly and tossing an arm around Maggie, who was at least five or six inches shorter than he was (he’d thanked his lucky stars to have been born with tall genetics, it made his transition a lot easier). So she tucked right into his arm. “I should probably thank Cory again for introducing us actually. So, to answer your question, yes, I have met someone and known they’d be important from the start.”

“Shane…” She said, her eyes filled with tears as she stopped and pulled him in for a real hug, burying her face in his shoulder. He laughed and hugged her back tightly, clenching her coat in his hands as he did, enjoying the feeling of safety Maggie’s arms never failed to give him.

“Maggie how did you not know that anyway?” Shane asked as he pulled back from the hug and smiled down at Maggie, whose tears had spilled over from her eyes, falling gently across her cheeks. “You were there from the get-go. You were there before my mom even knew I was trans. Hell, Maggie, you gave me your phone number the first day we met! You bought me my first binder! You showed me that it doesn’t matter where you start but how you grow and what you do with what you have. You gave me hope and you showed me love and you’ve always been my biggest supporter. You’re everything to me Maggie.”

“I love you buddy. And I promise I’ll always be here.”

“I know.” He turned back forward again, much to the excitement of Fender, who was waiting for sprint off again, tail wagging and tongue hanging adorably as he panted. Shane nodded at the pup, who knew the sign and started running among the trees again. “Now. Your turn okay? How did she hurt you? And what can I do to help?”

“Oh boy okay…” Maggie said, wiping the tears from her eyes and shaking her head out, as if to reset her thoughts and focus. “I think the biggest thing is the fact that she won’t let us try… I think she’s had a lot of bad luck with past girlfriends, or, well, maybe just girls in general. And I get that, so I know why she’s guarded. But I… I really like her, Shane. She’s so smart and cool and tough. And her being a soldier just amplifies that for me. I guess I’m hurt because she isn’t giving me a chance. A chance to prove that not everyone leaves, that some people really do care, and really do want to help her. I know that it’s wrong for me to push, so I won’t, if she wants to go I’ll let her go… I just wish we could have something, anything, because she’s absolutely incredible. She gives me teenage butterflies and makes me laugh like I haven’t laughed before.”

“You love her don’t you?”

“No! Shane… No. I don’t. But I think I could.” Maggie confessed, laughing to herself at the mere prospect of what they might look like. She’d known Alex for, what, six weeks? Maybe just under that? And yet here she was falling for this girl already. She knew she fell fast and fell hard, but this was a whole new level for her. Six weeks. Six weeks that had changed her life in more ways than one. Six weeks. “I could…”

“Well I, for one, have faith in you Mags! I say don’t give up on her.” He said, clapping the detective on the back and nearly knocking her over, the 18 year old still not quite used to his height, even if he didn’t have the strength to match it quite yet. Something, actually he’d been meaning to talk to Maggie about. “Hey, I was wondering… Is there any way you could help he start training? I want to start looking like the other dudes. I’m way too lanky and I want to get some bulk before I get top surgery… Whenever that happens…”

Maggie smirked and nodded, happy for the change of subject, at least for now. They kept on their walk, wandering the forests for a good couple hours together. They covered subject after subject, ranging from Shane’s potential training regimen to his grades, to Maggie’s closed cases, to laughing and groaning at Fender’s rather enthusiastic encounter with a giant mud puddle. It was nice, it really was, to spend a few hours without obligations, just enjoying Shane’s company and friendship. Maggie was so proud of the man he was becoming. He was going to be great, and it brought tears to her eyes, again, to imagine her little LGBT kids growing up. She’d known them for so long. She’d know them since they were broken and tired and confused. And now to see them, all four of them, really coming into their own, really becoming incredible people, well, she knew what being a proud parent felt like. Even if, in the end, she was just a mentor or a friend at most. They’d say different though. She was most-definitely a parental-figure to them all, even if they had a good support system at home. Maggie was their LGBT parent and always would be.  

So as she walked Shane home and then drove back to her own place to give Fender a bath and tuck in for a lazy night watching Netflix Maggie starting thinking about how she herself could grow like they had. She thought about how, maybe, by becoming a stronger person herself, that she could help Alex do the same. Maybe if she didn’t give up this time, if she fought for the girl she was quickly realizing she wanted to keep in her life so badly, maybe things would work out for them. So, with sleep tugging at her mind, she realized just how much she had to think about in the coming days, in the coming weeks. What exactly did she want from Alex? Could they be friends? Was even that behind them?

Whatever she decided she knew that she didn’t want to give up on this yet. Not just for her sake but for Alex’s. She had clearly been beaten down and broken more than once. And if Maggie could help her heal, even just a little bit, then damn she would! She’d go to the end of the world to see Alex smile, genuinely smile… How she’d accomplish that? Well, that was something future Maggie would have to figure out, because present Maggie had the puzzle of trying to get Alex back in her life, to try to, maybe, get her to open up, even just a little bit. It wasn’t going to be easy, she knew that for certain, but Doctor Danvers seemed like the best person to spend her energy on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr: nat-on-the-run  
> Twitter: @nerdalert_nat
> 
> 50 Days of Take Me Back (Day 14): https://twitter.com/nerdalert_nat/status/903298673177591808


	8. Believer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Maggie have a friendly chat, and then another...

It wasn’t every day that you saved a man from a tanker crash. But it also wasn’t everyone who was a paramedic. Alex knew this type of situation very well. Car explosions and crashes were 90% of her job as a paramedic on a daily basis. So saving a big burly man from a tanker collision was no different. What was different about this particular case was the fact that the tanker had literally ran into on a car pile-up scene.

NCPD had already been on scene for a three car pileup when the truck came to crash the party in the worst way possible. Alex and her coworkers for the day were on their way to park up in the hospital for lunch break when they got the call. ‘ _Tanker crash into the pile up. No casualties so far. All paramedics in district five to report to scene immediately_.’ They turned around as soon as they could and sped off in the opposite direction.

The scene was absolute chaos, as expected. Although, thankfully, there were already paramedics and the police force on scene to help out. She hopped out and saw the immediate relief on the rest of the paramedics that Alex had arrived, all of them always a little more relaxed when she was there. They pointed toward the tanker that had collided into the pileup, yelling that the fire department was trying to get the driver out.

She ran over and took a knee a few feet back from the firefighters, knowing exactly how they worked and what they wanted from her. She nodded at them all, knowing each of them personally as they always worked closely together, her partner ready with a gurney for the man that was stuck inside, ready for anything.

Alex took some time to look around then; looking at the tanker on its side, at the three cars he’d run into that were absolutely destroyed now, thankfully all the drivers and passengers in those cars have already gotten out in time, not that there wasn’t still damage. An ambulance had gotten a blow from one of the cars that had been thrown forward when the tanker impacted, a few of the paramedics needing serious medical attention now as well. It was all a bit much to swallow, to a regular civilian anyway. Alex was trained for this kind of situation, trained for worse-case scenarios and quick thinking.

“Alex!” Called one of the firemen, grabbing Alex’s attention again, the paramedic on her feet and moving instantly. She ran over with her partner and steadied the gurney as the men pulled the driver from the truck and lay him down, unconscious, on the table.

She assessed his injures right away. Internal bleeding was clear from the stiffness of his abdomen, and she knew that both his legs were broken. How bad? She wouldn’t know until she got to them, but that was the least of her worries right now. His neck was clearly not in good shape, needing to be braced right away to avoid spinal cord damage, if there wasn’t some already. So Alex, as they were wheeling him back to their ambulance, was pulling out a neck brace and steadying his head as carefully as she could while putting it on.

Once back in the ambulance she got to work on intubating him and then getting to the rest of the wounds, starting at his head and cleaning off the blood, trying to find the source of the bleeding. Luckily Alex found it very quickly and it was nothing more than a laceration to his cheek, one that could be fixed with a few stitches later on. She moved down then, past the intubation and onto his chest. She knew right away after cutting off his shirt that he most likely had a couple broken ribs, although they were fractures and not complete breaks.

And then down to his abdomen, which was still stiff. She knew that he’d need to be rushed right into surgery when they arrived at the hospital, this severe a case of internal bleeding almost always requiring surgery. And besides, from what she’d already seen of his legs, he would need an orthopaedic surgeon to work on the crushed bone there too. Hopefully, she thought, something was salvageable.

As Alex ran her course down the man, her partner, Amelia, had braced his legs, ready for whatever was coming at the hospital. Their bases covered now, they kept an eye on all his stats, ready to act if anything changed suddenly while they sped their way across National City.

The man, who’s named they learned to be Fred Jones, managed to hold on until they pulled into the emergency room bay, his blood pressure dropping as he was being passed from paramedic to surgeons. Alex watched them wheel him out of sight, she always did, and then turned around and pulled her gloves off, high fiving Amelia and starting to clean up their ambulance, not knowing if they were needed back yet, their driver checking in as they worked.

The driver ended up hopping out of the front seat, letting the two women know that things were under control and they just needed to be on standby here in case anything else happened, but they could take it easy for a little while. The news was much appreciated by both Amelia and Alex, who slowed their rash pace of cleaning and made sure to clean everything thoroughly, sanitizing everything perfectly. Alex focused on the cleaning until it was done to her standard, letting Amelia run in for lunch then. She watched as each ambulance came back, bringing with them more victims of the crash, making sure they were all okay as they passed her. They’d moved out of the way of the bay at the emergency room, so she couldn’t see the entrance but could see the patients being rolled towards it and was in perfect view for the other paramedics in case they needed to call her over.

Alex, once the ambulance was clean and locked up, stretched out and made her way inside. The pit was a lot less crazy than she expected. It seemed as if the worst of the injuries had come and gone to surgery already, only a few of the people that she’d seen at the scene in the room, including three of the four paramedics that had been injured. She assessed the beds quickly, making sure there was nothing she could do to help before she allowed herself to dive into the leftover pizza she had waiting in the fridge from her night with Kara.

“Alex.” She heard from her right. She looked up to acknowledge the speaker and her mouth went dry.

“Maggie.” Alex said, clenching her jaw as she walked forward, meeting Maggie’s worried eyes. “What are you doing here?”

“I heard some paramedics were injured in the pile up.” She explained, clearly looking over Alex to make sure she was uninjured. And as much as it warmed Alex’s heart, she said nothing on the matter, staying silent. “I wanted to- I wanted to make sure you were okay. Because I care about you, Alex. And I mean what I said last Thursday.”

Alex nodded and looked down at Maggie, who stood strong with her statement, crossing her arms and waiting for a reply from Alex.

“I stand by what I said too. I can’t date you Maggie.” Alex reiterated, ignoring Vasquez’s words of ‘ _they make it work and so can you’_ gnawing in the back of her mind. She watched the tiny bit of hope that was aflame in Maggie’s eye burn out, even though her body language showed nothing of the sort.

“I respect that.” Maggie replied, tilting her head sideways slightly as she looked at Alex like she was trying to get a read on her, something that was most definitely not working. Alex was stone cold as she looked at her as if she was nothing, as if they’d always been nothing, as if there wasn’t something there. Maggie took a few seconds to gather her thoughts before she started speaking again, words that she’d had ready for days. “Two weeks. In two week from today I’ll be at the bar we played pool at. I know you need time, and I do to so I’ll be waiting there as a friend. Nothing more. I like you Alex, I really do, and I don’t want to imagine my life without you in it. And if all you want from me is a friend to share crazy work stories with then that’s exactly what I’ll be, I promise. Deal?”

“Two weeks? Okay, deal.” Alex said simply, not really knowing exactly where her head was at, processing all that Maggie was saying. Friends? She could do friends right? Seemed simple enough.

“Okay. Good. I’ll see you around okay?” Maggie finished off, turning and walking away without another word. Alex watched her walk away and out the doors she’d walked in a few minutes earlier. She watched her walk away exactly like she had the first day they met. But this time she knew she’d be seeing more of Maggie Sawyer. She already knew that. Because as soon as Maggie had said ‘ _I’ll be at the bar’_ Alex knew she’d be at the bar too. Because, damn, she wanted to push Maggie away and keep them both safe but, _damn_ , the girl was irresistible.

A week and a half went by before Maggie heard from Alex again. She didn’t expect it at all, so the text she got one evening after her long, long work day was quite the pleasant surprise.

 ** _Okay, I’m in. What time at the bar?_** Alex had sent. A simple text really. A simple text that Maggie knew a lot of thought had gone into. She admired Alex for it, more so than she was excited about the possibility of building something with Alex; even if it was platonic in nature.

 ** _I was going to get there around 9. Come whenever, I’ll be around._** She replied, not wanting to sound overly desperate because this was just a casual meeting between friends. Probably. No. Definitely. Friends. Friends. Friends.

Maggie arrived at the bar at 8:30, just in case. She wasn’t exactly hoping for Alex to show up right at nine, but her nerves had gotten the best of her and she'd already called a cab by quarter after eight, getting there early. So she grabbed a beer and took a seat in her favourite booth in the back corner, scrolling through Facebook as she so often did alone at the bar. It wasn’t unusual so M’gann kept bringing her more beer as she drained one, two, three of them in forty minutes.

She didn’t know what she expected really.

Maybe for Alex not to show up at all.

Maybe for Alex to have brought someone along with her.

Maybe for Alex to be dressed in her military uniform, which, really, didn’t make any sense.

But no, she was just Alex. The Alex Maggie knew and lov- no- liked. Knew and liked. The Alex she knew and liked, wearing black jeans, a grey sweater, and, of course, a leather coat. The Alex that smiled when she saw her, although her face definitely airing on the side of caution as she weaved through the very crowded bar and up to Maggie in the back corner, sliding into the booth to sit across from her and waving at M’gann as she did, the bartender already getting her drink ready, a rye and coke, as per usual.

“So. It’s been a while” Maggie started, keeping her gaze in the swirling liquid in her glass, almost done her fourth beer now. She took a deep breath then, lifting her head to meet Alex’s eyes.

“It has. How are you?” Alex asked, taking a sip from her own glass, one M’gann has set down in front of her mere seconds earlier. Maggie smiled and laughed. She laughed at the awkwardness and the fact that Alex, of all people, was initiating small talk with her. But she didn’t comment on it because the night was supposed to be a fresh start. And a fresh start meant a conversation as friends, it meant small talk.

“Yeah, good. I mean, you know how it is…” Maggie said, gulping as she realized that if there wasn’t some looseness to their conversation that this night was going to go south really fast. “Actually I wanted to ask you why you were covered in blood at the hospital the other day. I know there was a pileup, but what happened? Who did you treat?” Asking Alex about her job was safe, it was a good boundary to keep.

“Oh wow okay. You ready for a good story?” Alex replied, smirking as she downed the rest of her drink and leaned forward. It was as if the guard she’d put up when she walked in was gone instantly. Here Alex was, as Maggie knew her, gushing about her job. Passionately talking about the things she loved. “So, you know the guy that was driving the tanker? Yeah. Okay so get this…”

Maggie listened as Alex gave her the complete run-down of that day. From the scene, to the ambulance, to the man’s miraculous death and then re-animation in the operating room. Alex was on fire, alive with passion as she explained it all, as she explained what she’d done and then moved on to how Fred was recovering. It was an incredible story really, and Maggie was soaking it up.

They stayed in the booth for what seemed like hours, rolling through conversations and draining drink after drink to the point where they weren’t completely drunk but they definitely weren’t sober. It was the perfect level of inebriation for guards to be dropped and for flirting to flow. So they took their conversation to the pool tables, Maggie setting up the break for Alex, who leaned down and, with expert hands, took the shot. Maggie laughed when, after all the “professional prep”, Alex sunk nothing.

“Looks like you’re off your game Danvers, maybe it’s my turn to teach you how to play.” Maggie said, winking and leaning over the table to take her own shot, looking up at Alex smugly when she sunk the striped 9 she was aiming for. “See that? That’s what proper pool looks like, start taking notes.” Alex laughed and walked over to join Maggie on her side of the table, kneeling down and visualizing the shot Maggie had just taken. She raised an eyebrow and stood up then, conceding to the bragging.

“You got lucky, Sawyer.” Alex said simply, crossing her arms and shouldering Maggie before stepping right into her personal space, their faces inches from one another’s. “Or maybe my lessons from last time are finally paying off.” Alex watched as Maggie’s breath hitched and she stepped back, visibly restraining herself.

“Maybe.” Maggie replied, her voice low and her eyes dark. She looked up at Alex and clenched her jaw. She was beautiful, absolutely beautiful as she stood there in the low light, arms still crossed over her chest as she stared Maggie down. _Does she know what she’s doing?_ Maggie thought to herself as they had their little stand-off. _Does she know how crazy she’s driving me? Does she know that? Doubt it._ “I still have another shot, you should probably let me get to that…”

“Probably, yeah.” Alex said but didn’t move, dropping her arms to her side and watching as Maggie sidestepped her and lined up her next shot, missing by a long shot as she was clearly distracted by the gorgeous brown eyes on her. She kept her back to Alex as she finished off her beer and turned to bring it back to the bar, knowing that M’gann greatly appreciated it. But before she had a chance she heard her name in the softest voice, she heard Alex say her name like she’d never heard her say it before. And so she turned around and she met her eyes, but only for a split second. Because then, right in the middle of the bar, Alex was kissing her, kissing her hard.

She felt Alex’s hands on her face, soft but strong, as she pulled Maggie in closer, closer, closer. And Maggie was absolutely melting, moving her lips with Alex’s and stepping into her body, wrapping her arms around her waist and grabbing her ass. She tried to hold back the moan that was caught in her throat but didn’t have much success. And then Alex was pulling away, holding her face still, but pulling away. She looked at Maggie and sighed, her right thumb gentle across her temple.

“Mag-” She started but got cut off as Maggie was lunging forward, crashing their mouths together again and bringing her own hands up to hold Alex’s face to hers now, not really caring about the consequences of what they were doing. She knew Alex didn’t date but she didn’t care because Alex was kissing her and pushing her up against the pool table and pushing her own body against Maggie’s. And it was hot and passionate. So, no, she didn’t care about the repercussions because Alex was right here right now and she wanted her, she wanted her _bad_. “Let’s get out of here. Your place. Now.”

“Okay.” Was all Maggie managed as she was dragging Alex out of the bar in between kisses, having to pull herself away from the _three_ walls Alex managed to pin her to on their way out to catch a cab.

Out of respect for the driver, Alex managed to keep her mouth off Maggie the entire ride to her place, which didn’t take long. She managed to keep her mouth off her, but her hand was sliding farther and farther up her thigh, coming dangerously close to the zipper on Maggie’s pants. And had Maggie not grabbed her hand mere seconds before she reached for it, Alex most definitely would have undone her pants there and then.

As soon as the cab was out of sight it was Maggie pulling Alex along and trapping her in between the brick wall of her building and her own body. She went straight for Alex’s neck, getting the moan out of Alex that she’d been wanting, grinding her hips forward to meet Alex’s before pulling back with a frustrated grunt.

“Inside. Let’s go inside.” Maggie said, hugely distracted as Alex’s hands ran across her clothed body, trying to capture her lips again and again without luck. She gave up when Maggie started moving but kept her hand tight in Maggie’s as they made their way to her condo, hearing Fender on the other side of the door as she scraped the lock with the key. “Fender. Go to bed.” She ordered as soon as the door was open, the dog wagging his tail but following orders and going to curl up in the open kennel by the couch.

Maggie tossed her keys on the table by the door and stepped backwards into her apartment, watching Alex with a calculated eye as she took off her coat and hung it up, bringing her hands to still by her sides and standing tall in a very soldier-like manner. Maggie slowly took off her own coat, tossing it on the chair beside her and taking one step forward. Only one, so she was just out of reach of Alex, who stood silent and patient.

“Are you sure about this?” Maggie asked, consent always having been a very, very important thing in her life, in her relationships. “I don’t want to do anything you don’t want to do. And if you’re too drunk please just-”

“Maggie.” Alex cut her off, stepping forward herself now, reaching out to grab Maggie’s belt buckle, pulling her closer. “I’m sure about this.” That was all Maggie needed as she submitted to the pull of her belt and kissed Alex again, softly this time. She wanted to get this right, whatever this was, because Alex deserved it. And, hell, she deserved it to. So she kissed Alex soft as she brought her arms up and around Alex’s neck, clasping her hands together and using that as leverage to pull herself in.

And Alex? Alex kissed Maggie back just as softly, just as gently because she too wanted to get this right. And she wanted to remember this. So she let this gorgeous girl pull her in as she wrapped her arms tight around her torso, slipping a hand up the back of Maggie’s shirt, relishing in the soft skin that lay underneath. And then she was sliding her hands higher and higher, bringing the shirt with her hands.

Maggie smiled into the kiss, deepening it briefly before pulling back to allow Alex to take off her shirt, leaving her wearing just a bra above her waist. And before Alex could kiss her again she was walking backwards, towards her bedroom, lacing her fingers with Alex’s as she did, not able to keep her eyes off the gorgeous girl in front of her. Alex smiled softly as they made their way into the bedroom she’d never seen before, pulling her eyes away from Maggie’s to take a look at the new space as they walked in.

The room wasn’t unlike the rest of the apartment, with exposed brick lining the walls and a beautiful window to the left, running almost the entire length of the wall. A large bed was centred right in front of the door, with two dark wooden side tables complementing the wooden headboard. There was a dresser under the window and a door to what Alex assumed was a bathroom to the right. And that was it; very clean, very simple, very Maggie. But it didn’t really matter what her bedroom looked like because Alex wouldn’t be paying it any attention. Not when she had a beautiful girl wanting for her attention. A beautiful, almost topless, girl.

“You’re beautiful Maggie.” Alex said when she turned her attention back to the detective, who was waiting patiently for Alex, giving her the space and the time she needed. Maggie smirked at the compliment and toyed with Alex’s top, a wordless question. When she was greeted with a nod Maggie pulled it over Alex’s head immediately and grabbed her hips, spinning them around and sitting Alex down on the edge of her bed, pulling her in for another kiss.

She was getting rougher now, pushing Alex down on her bed and coaxing her backwards until Alex’s head was on her pillows. Alex grabbed Maggie’s hips as she straddled her, pulling them down as they made out, moving together in perfect harmony, not rushing anything. Not rushing anything but still getting deeper into it, needing more.

Alex’s hands slid up to pop open Maggie’s bra and tossed it aside, never breaking contact as they kissed. Maggie moaned into Alex’s touch and teased her by biting her lip softly before pulling away, turning her attention to Alex’s pants, undoing them in record speed and Alex undid hers. They laughed as they got tangled up taking their pants off, throwing them off the bed and onto the floor. That’s when Maggie took the time to look down at the woman underneath her. Alex was gorgeous, she really was. In her black lace bra and matching underwear, panting from the heavy make-out as she squirmed for more contact from Maggie, who was sitting up now, hands off Alex’s body as she admired it.

“Maggie. Please. Maggie. I _need_ you to take control.” Alex pleaded, hands running up Maggie’s back as she pulled her forward, leaning up herself to kiss her hard. Maggie got the message then, knowing they both needed this like they needed air. So she complied and went in, her lips moving to Alex’s neck and her hands coming around to undo Alex’s bra, the convenience of Alex half-sitting up coming in handy as she ditched the cloth.

Maggie kept moving down, pressing soft kisses across Alex’s neck, Alex’s collar bone, Alex’s chest. She kept moving until she had Alex’s breast in her mouth, her tongue swirling across her nipple. And Alex was moaning and arching into Maggie’s touch, and it was beautiful. So Maggie brought one hand to tease her other breast while pulling off Alex’s underwear, which were near destroyed with Alex’s wetness.

“Alex.” She breathed heavily, a plea almost, her voice musky as she grinded down on Alex, slipping a thigh between Alex’s and relishing in the groan that came from Alex’s mouth, using it as fuel to keep going, harder.

Maggie grinded down more and more and more until Alex’s breath was hitching and she was almost screaming Maggie’s name. She rode Alex until Alex was so, so close. And then she stopped. She let go of Alex’s breasts and moved up, slowing the movements of her hips as she brought their mouths together again. Alex kissed her hard, tanging hands in hair as she tried to pull Maggie closer, even if their bodies were flush together.

“You good?” Maggie asked as she tried to catching her breath. Alex, unable to talk, so close to breaking, needing, needing Maggie, just nodded quickly and tried lifting her hips to be granted more friction. Maggie laughed and lifted her hips away. “No. No, I have other ideas.” Alex hissed as Maggie pulled away, the loss of contact frustrating. But then Maggie was moving down, kissing all along Alex’s neck and chest again, but not stopping there. Maggie’s lips were then moving down her body. Over Alex’s ribs, over her abs, towards her core.

“Please.” Alex said, almost a whisper it was so quiet, the heavy sounds of their ragged breathing, the moans coming from Alex, and the sound of Alex’s name coming from Maggie filling the room.

She kissed her way across Alex’s thighs, teasing her entrance with her fingers, waiting, just waiting for the right moment. Alex groaned and lifted her hips, wanting nothing more than for Maggie to go down, to follow-through with the seemingly endless teasing. And, so, Maggie did. She ran her tongue across Alex’s clit and moaned at the taste as Alex moaned at the contact. She was gentle but worked with purpose as she kept going, sucking on the small bundle of nerves on her tongue while slipping a finger into Alex as well.

She kept up a steady pace for a while, letting Alex get used to the stimulation and enjoy the pleasure. Then she added another finger and picked up the pace, knowing by how wrecked Alex was that she was getting close, very close. So she kept it up, moving faster and gripping Alex’s hips with her free hand to hold her still so she could eat her out properly. And then she felt Alex’s walls tighten around her fingers, she heard Alex scream her name, and she felt as her body tensed all at once as she rode out her orgasm.

“Fuck.” Was all Alex managed to say as her body stilled and Maggie finished off, making sure to pull the last of it from Alex before stopping. She heard Alex let out a satisfied laugh between deep breaths, pulling her mouth away and going back to kissing the inside of Alex’s thighs softly, so softly. “Maggie come here.”

Maggie smiled at the request, running her hands up Alex’s abdomen as she started kissing her way back up Alex’s body, admiring every inch of skin at her disposal. Soft fingers ran across all of it too, across the body she’d been dying to touch for weeks and weeks. She heard Alex sigh at her touch, tangling her hands in Maggie’s hair and bringing their lips together once more, tasting herself on Maggie’s lips.

“Your turn.” Alex croaked, shifting slightly under Maggie and planting her heel on the bed, her leg coming up in between Maggie’s, her underwear still on. Maggie sighed at the touch as she kissed Alex over and over again, lowering herself onto Alex completely as she felt Alex’s grip on her hips.

Alex went for neck then, sucking softly but careful not to leave a mark, knowing how important Maggie’s reputation at work was. So she sucked softly and moved on, pressing hot kisses across her neck and shoulder as Maggie moved with conviction on her thigh after having stopped briefly to remove her underwear.

“More. Please?” Maggie asked, kissing Alex long and hard as she did, her hips never stilling even as Alex readjusted her position to slide a hand in between their bodies. Maggie’s movements were slow and deliberate as she nodded at Alex’s question on whether or not to push inside, digging fingernails into Alex’s shoulders as she felt Alex slip two fingers inside her and her palm press with incredible satisfaction against her clit.

She rode Alex slowly then, breathing in Alex’s perfume as she buried her face in her neck, giving Alex free reign of her own, thoroughly enjoying all of the physical contact they had. It didn’t take her long to come undone, not after eating Alex out and watching her writhe under her touch. But Maggie was wrecked regardless, panting hard as she came and smothered her moans in Alex’s mouth, using the kiss to keep her in the moment, to keep her focused on everything, everything that was going on.

Bodies together, completely naked, as they both collapsed, submitting to the softness of Maggie’s mattress, Alex softly drew circles all over Maggie’s back. She could feel the woman on top of her fighting sleep and smiled, kissing her softly to keep her awake, just until she could convince her to let them slide under the dark grey sheets. Maggie hummed happily, kissing Alex back, her own hands dancing across Alex’s sides, loving how incredibly soft the girls’ skin was, something she hadn’t expected from a paramedic. Or a soldier for that matter.

“Sheets…” Alex mumbled after a few minutes of slow kisses and gentle touches. Maggie groaned but agreed, rolling off of Alex and both of them pulling the sheets out and over them.

With open arms Alex absolutely melted at the way Maggie’s body submitted to her own, an arm strewn across her torso and legs tangling together. Alex beamed as she played with Maggie’s soft hair while she listened to the detective’s breath slow as she fell asleep, a small smile on her face. She beamed, too, as she let herself be pulled into unconsciousness and submitted to sleep as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait on this one! Classes have started back up and I'm just getting into the groove of everything again. Hope you enjoyed it, next chapter to come a little sooner!
> 
> Tumblr: nat-on-the-run  
> Twitter: @nerdalert_nat  
> 50 days of #TakeMeBackAU (Day 32): https://twitter.com/nerdalert_nat/status/909892393494810625


	9. Unnerved

Maggie hummed happily as she awoke to the sunlight pouring in from her bedroom window. She smiled to herself as she lay with her eyes closed, just going through everything that had happened last night, everything she’d been dreaming about for weeks; realizing now that sleeping with Alex had far exceeded her expectations. Because Alex was gentle and she was passionate and she was perfect. She was far more beautiful than Maggie could have even imagined, what with those lace black undergarments and washboard abs and soft, soft skin. It had been incredible.

She slowly opened her eyes and yawned, stretching her arms up as she always did when she woke up. She squinted out at the sunny day through the window to her right and then rolled over onto her left side to throw an arm around Alex.

And then her arm hit the cold mattress beside her.

Maggie’s heart dropped as she opened her eyes fully and let them focus on the empty bed in front of her. Her heart felt as though it had been ripped in two as she grabbed the sheets, realizing how cold they were. Alex hadn’t been there for a long time. When had she left? _Why_ had she left?

Maggie clenched her jaw and held back tears and she sat up and ran a hand through her messy hair. She bit her lip and swung her legs out of bed, bare feet hitting cold hardwood floors. She walked over to her dresser and pulled out some underwear and a big t-shirt, tugging them on and slamming the drawer closed. She cursed and clenched her fists before stilling completely.

Maybe Alex didn’t leave.

Maybe she was in her living room reading a book.

Maybe she was in her kitchen making coffee.

Maybe she was out for a morning run.

They’d talked about the fact that Alex always woke up early before. So Maggie gulped and took a deep breath, padding over to her bedroom door and hesitating. Her hand gripped the doorknob but didn’t turn it, terrified of what she would find on the other side. She thought about going back to bed, falling back asleep, relishing in her memories. She thought about it, and then she turned the handle and opened the door.

Maggie walked ever so slowly down the hallway that lead into the rest of her apartment, not realizing she was holding her breath until she saw it. The note on her door.

“No.” She said out loud, hands shaking as she walked forward at snail-pace, as if taking longer would change the outcome. It didn’t. She walked up to the door and tore the post-it off of it, lowering her arm and taking a deep breath before lifting it again and reading the note.

_I’m sorry.  
~A_

“No…” Maggie broke down then, the tears she’d been holding back spilling over as she almost collapsed on the floor, catching herself at the last second, bracing herself against the door. She felt as though the oxygen was being physically pulled from her lungs, her breaths short and shallow. And the worst part was that she knew. She knew this would happen. Because Alex didn’t date. Alex had one-night stands. And Alex, oh Alex, Alex was scared.

She knew this would happen and yet it still hurt so badly. It hurt because after everything they’d been through, Maggie thought that she’d have at least gotten more than a two word note on a post-it. Even last night, she told herself that she’d accept the consequences of her actions, but she never imagined that it would be like this; she never imagined the pull-back from Alex Danvers would cut so deep.

Fender was at her side then, nudging her leg, knowing that she was hurting. Maggie laughed through the tears and kneeled down to pull Fender into a hug, kissing his head and scratching behind his ear. She pet him for a few minutes as he licked her face, effectively wiping her tears away even if it left her face more wet than before.

She slowed her breathing and concentrated on her dog, who loved her unconditionally. And she started to realize that maybe she should fight for this, for Alex. She knew Alex was scared and that she ran when things became too much. So maybe Maggie needed to chase her to prove that she wasn’t going anywhere.

“I’m going out buddy. I’ll be back soon okay?” She said to him, pecking his head quickly and turning to go back to her bedroom, putting on proper clothes and dashing out her front door. She hopped in her car and immediately sped off to Kara’s apartment. Well, Alex’s too now, she’d moved in not long ago. She got her address easily off the NCPD directory, like she had for Alex’s, and she was off, weaving through downtown.

Kara’s apartment wasn’t far from hers, hell, she could have walked there. In any case Maggie was pulling up to Kara’s within minutes, parking on the street and then freezing in her car. Everything flashed through her mind:

Their first day meeting, both of them teasing each other in that ambulance.

Jason Cooper. Jason. Cooper.

The pizza, the ice-cream, the arcade games, the motorcycle rides.

Those days in the hospital, being wrapped up in Alex’s arm.

And, wow, that first kiss; that was the day Maggie knew she would fall hard for Alex.

And now, adding last night to the mix. Last night had been the most incredible night. She had cherished Alex the way she deserved to be, and Alex had given it right back to her. Each soft touch was still burning across her skin, as if Alex’s hands were all over her again, as if she hadn’t left her high and dry. It was all there, memories that haunted her actions, making her freeze and wonder if she really was supposed to be following Alex, to be chasing her. But the longer she sat there the more it made sense. Because Alex had kissed her back, Alex had taken the plunge last night, and Alex was the one that had asked her be taken home. Alex wanted this even if she wasn’t ready to admit it, even if she wanted to run to avoid pain again.

“Get a grip, Sawyer.” Maggie said to herself as she swung the door open and started running to Kara’s building. She wrenched open the door and sprinted right to the stairs, taking them two at a time as she climbed higher and higher. She didn’t hesitate when she came face to face with the large wooden door, knocking on it with purpose. “Kara! Alex!” she called, hoping, begging, that someone was home. The door swung open not three seconds later, Kara Danvers standing in front of Maggie.

Her eyes were bloodshot and she had a piece of toast with peanut butter on it in her hand. She wore pyjamas and stared at Maggie like she was a ghost. Her eyes went wide as she registered who was standing in front of her, and, probably, why she was.

“Kara, where’s Alex?” Maggie asked, trying to peek into Kara’s apartment as best she could. Kara swallowed hard and looked at Maggie before letting the building tears fall from her eyes, effectively breaking Maggie’s heart as she watched. “Kara… Where’s Alex?”

“Probably at the airport… On her way Chicago already… And then…” Kara replied, sniffing and wiping the tears from her cheeks. Maggie nodded slowly, her worst fears becoming reality as she registered exactly what was going on. Alex got deployed. Last night made sense now. It was a last-ditch attempt at a normal life before deployment, a last-ditch effort to lose control before everything was regulated.

Maggie nodded slowly and pulled Kara into a hug, feeling the younger Danvers sister’s body wrack with sobs as she let herself go in Maggie’s arms. She hugged Maggie tightly and tried to calm her breathing, grounding herself to Maggie’s heartbeat, which was fast but steady.

“I have to chase her Kara.” Maggie said softly, rubbing Kara’s back, still hugging her tightly as she knew that Kara needed that right now. But then she felt Kara step out of her arms, taking a deep breath and nodding as Maggie as if to give her the go-ahead to leave, assuring her that she’d be okay. “Thank you.”

She was sprinting back to her car then, hopping in and speeding of towards the airport, which was a good twenty minutes’ drive away on a good day. On that day though, on a day that Maggie _needed_ to get there _now_ , it took fifteen.

Maggie didn’t even bother parking properly, simply flashing her police badge at the airport staff and running inside. She sprinted across the airport towards the domestic flights, having gotten the Chicago info from Kara, although she knew nothing other than Alex’s destination. She bought the cheapest ticket she could to get through security and then waited. Waited as the line moved frustratingly slow. As everyone around her didn’t seem to care that they were wasting precious time.

She debated flashing her police badge again, but she knew that airport authority would double check on that and she’d be busted, so she just waited, watching as every second ticked by way too fast, minutes coming and going in the blink of an eye.

“Oh come on…” Maggie muttered to herself as her line slowed to a near-halt, a hold-up in the x-ray machine. Her hands shook nervously, her mind aflame with nervousness and overstimulation from everything going on. She kept checking the time, the line moving, the people walking past, already finished with security, and she felt like screaming. Because for all she knew Alex could be sitting just down the hall, or in line to board her plane, or, god forbid, already on her plane. Maggie didn’t know, and that’s what was tearing her apart.

Eventually it was her turn to go through the screening process. The TSA officer asked for her boarding ticket and reminded her to put her shoes, valuables, and all carry-ons into the bucket to be screened in the x-ray machine. Maggie shot them a “yeah, yeah, whatever” and anxiously bounced on the balls of her feet as she waited to go through the metal detector and body scanner, not caring much for security precautions even though she knew they were important for all the other travellers.

Thankfully they let her go pretty quickly, neither her nor her bucket (only carrying her shoes, keys, wallet, and badge) getting pulled aside for additional screening. And then Maggie was shoving her feet back into her shoes and stuffing her pockets with her things, and running, running faster than she’s ever run, to the gate Alex’s plane was supposed to be flying out from. She should have checked the departures board before she ran at break-neck pace through the terminal. But she didn’t.

The gate was empty, a wasteland of what it probably was not ten minutes earlier as the passengers for flight AA165 to Chicago boarded. But now? Now it was empty safe for the American Airline’s woman that stood at the podium, clearly having just done final checks for the flight and locked the door to the enclosed walkway that lead to the plane. Maggie saw the plane, she saw it, still sitting at the gate as the engines roared to life and she was yelling. Yelling at the woman to let her through, as if she could miraculously get onto the plane. Yelling as if it would make a difference. Yelling as if Alex could hear her.

“You have to let me through!” She screamed at the woman who stood at the podium. Maggie’s face was red from her emotions and from running as she tried to push past the woman, reaching for the handle that had closed off the bridge. “You don’t understand, I hav-”

“No, I’m sorry ma’am, no one gets through now. You have to calm down.”

“I CAN’T CALM DOWN I NEED TO BE ON THAT PLANE!” She roared, her voice raised louder than she ever thought possible as tears of rage and pain and sadness ran down her face. She yelled and she fought the woman and she tried to just get closer to that damn door, because if she could get to the door she could get to Alex. And if she could get to Alex things would be better.

But she couldn’t, and now the plane was rolling away, and Maggie was yelling, and Maggie was crying, and the airline worker was calling security. And it was a mess, because Alex was so close, so, so close. And yet completely out of reach. And it ripped Maggie apart, it completely tore her in two as she screamed.

“Fuck!” She yelled, punching the brick wall beside her without thought, her knuckles going blue almost immediately with the bruises and the skin splitting open and blood flowing over her hand. She tried to get past the woman again, who seemed terrified, not that Maggie even noticed, because the plane had started moving backwards and it was game over now. It was game over, Alex was slipping away right in front of her eyes. Her throat was raw and her knuckles were bloody and she was completely wrecked. And Alex was gone.

Airport security arrived then, the two men each grabbing one of her arms as she fought them hard and tried her very best to free herself from their iron grips, a sudden influx of energy coursing through her veins. So she yelled and she called Alex’s name again and again and again.

“Let me go.” She pleaded, still struggling as she was dragged farther and farther from the gate, as the plane rolled out of sight now, off towards the main runway to takeoff. “Let me go! I have to go. Let me go, let me go. Please. Let me go.” She kept protesting until the plane was really out of sight. And then she just stopped, defeated, heartbroken. She went slack in the men’s arms and soon enough they let go and Maggie just collapsed onto the old raggedy carpet and cried. She cried because she was so close and she cried because she might love Alex Danvers, and she’d just let her slip through her hands. She hadn’t been fast enough and now Alex was flying across the world.

She stayed on the floor for a long time, sobs wracking her body as she wept and shook, glad to be in a corner, and glad to have the security officers standing there so no one would bother her. She knew she looked like an absolute mess but that was the last thing she cared about because the grief and the hurt was just too much.

Eventually she managed to pull herself together enough to stop crying and start taking deep breaths, drawing them out when she could to try to steady her erratic heartbeat, which had been pounding in her ears since she left Kara’s.

Eventually she stood up and talked with the security officers. She explained what she could and what she wanted. And they let her go pretty quickly, especially after seeing her police badge, knowing she had authority over them even if inside the airport was within their jurisdiction and not hers, technically.

Eventually she dragged herself from the departures area to the main areas of the airport, trying to figure out exactly where she’d parked her car. She wandered for a while but found it sooner or later, sighing and getting in. She drove a few blocks away and parked on the side of the street to let herself cry again.

Maggie wanted nothing more than to go back home and crawl into bed and watch Netflix and eat ice-cream all day. She wanted to, but she couldn’t. Because she needed to take Fender out. Because she needed to go to work. Because she always had things to do. So, no, she couldn’t go home and wallow in self-pity. She had to pick herself up off the ground, again, and keep moving forward. So that’s exactly what she did.

Picking herself up off the floor was something Maggie had done before. She’d done when she got kicked out at 14. She’d done it when she was beat up for being gay in college. She’d done it when her ex called her sociopathic and toxic and told her to never talk to her again. She’d done it then and she’d do it now, no matter how much it hurt. Because that’s just what Maggie Sawyer did: she put herself back together and she kept moving forward.

And that started with a shower and changing her sheets.

She got home, let Fender outside, and immediately ripped the grey sheets off her queen-sized bed, shoving them in her washing machine and setting them to wash as she stripped her clothes off her body and got into the scalding shower.

The tears didn’t come back again, at least not for a while.

Maggie cleaned off and loaded Fender into her car as she went to work, arriving a little late but not getting reprimanded because of her impeccable track record and all she’d done for the force. She got to work then, trying to ignore her morning. But the stark reminder came back every time some asked why her hand was bloody and bruised.

It wasn’t easy but it was only day one.

Day one of the start of what she imagined would be a long road.

A long road of interacting with paramedics while knowing Alex was overseas. A long road of hearing about the brave men and women serving in the military while she had been torn apart because of it. Not that Alex wasn’t brave, she was, but the reminder didn’t help. Because Alex wasn’t a bad person, not at all. But she wasn’t always a good one.

Day two rolled around soon enough. Maggie kept working. Maggie kept breathing. Maggie just tried to keep herself together. She distracted herself with work and sad movies when work was over for the day. She let herself cry as she went through an entire tub of Neapolitan ice-cream while she sat on her couch and watched Netflix. Titanic, P.S. I Love You, Remember Me. She watched them all back to back to back and then turned on Grey’s Anatomy as background noise while she ordered pizza and ate it while working again, having brought paperwork home from the station, knowing she’d want to bury her head in it again. She worked through two stacks of paper and ate her way through the entire pizza. And then she took another scalding shower as she had that morning and she went to bed at 9pm that night to avoid the pain of being awake.

Day three was no easier, not with her Captain asking her to go interrogate someone at the hospital. Maggie almost said no, because she was working on a Saturday, which she normally didn’t. But that would have brought up questions that Maggie didn’t want to answer. So she went and she ignored the hole in her chest because she had a job to do, and that was the most important thing in her life. She’d worked hard for her detective job and she wasn’t about to let a heartbreak take that from her, she’d almost made that mistake before and barely recovered.

Day four was spent at the bottom of a bottle of tequila. Alone in her apartment her entire day off, with two quick breaks to walk around her neighbourhood with Fender. Tequila and her heavy bag, as she trained hard and trained long. Hours and hours spent in her tiny home gym upstairs. She ignored the healing cuts on her hand as she wrapped them up in the morning, not taking them off until almost ten in the evening as she kept going back.

Day five went very much like day one. She cried alone in her car a few times, but then wiped her tears and took a deep breath and kept going. Work, work, work. That’s all she was focusing on, all that was keeping her sane and keeping her moving forward and trying to forget. But those months with Alex wouldn’t be easy to forget, not until she could get some answers and some closure. She checked on Kara to see if she’d heard anything, but the younger Danvers had no more info than Maggie did. She checked on Kara because she knew she should, but that’d be the last time she would.

Day six and seven were spent angry. Angry that Alex had used her and lead her on. She fueled her anger, probably unhealthily, into the gun range. She fueled it through the power she felt in her hands and the control the gun provided. That and her triumph. She drove and drove and drove, losing herself in the city and beyond, trying to outrun her thoughts as if they were a destination.

Day eight Maggie forgot what had happened until she was neck deep in paperwork. Which, sure, hurt a lot when it came crashing back, but gave her hope that things were going to look up. She smiled at her progress but refused to let her guard down because she knew that many, many things could bring that pain bubbling up to the surface again. But it was a start, ultimately, as Maggie knew that’s how it went with her. She fell hard and fast and when she was left high and dry she crashed. She crashed and she burned for a while but she made it through the flames eventually and came out strong, like iron being made into a sword. She was sharper, more aware, and lethal.

Day nine was spent having lunch and going hiking with Cory and Alison. She kept the pain at bay, not ready to talk about it yet, but knowing they’d be there when she was, and having them around already putting her at ease. She enjoyed the beautiful day and the beautiful company, realizing that there were so, so many good things that she had in her life. So much incredible joy in the life she’d built, in the life she loved. Alex couldn’t take that away from her. Never.

Day ten was a Saturday. An easy day normally, but one she had to fill with endless chores and run errand after errand just to keep from popping open that tequila bottle again. She got her hand checked, no break, she did groceries, and she took Fender out for a long walk, all before lunch time. And then she headed out for motorcycle parts and lost herself in fiddling with her bike, knowing how she could waste hours doing that and listening to loud rock music in the building’s garage, thankfully no one caring much when she did. So she kept herself busy all day, finishing it off by cooking herself a complicated meal of chicken carbonara and a blueberry pie to top it all off. And then she fell asleep early, after having indulged in a Harry Potter book while curled up in bed with Fender.

Day eleven was when she stopped counting. Because it wasn’t worth it anymore. Alex was gone; she was so far away and she probably didn’t even care. She’d been with Maggie for a night of pure passion and intense connection only to run off to a warzone without an explanation, without anything more than a fucking post-it note. So Maggie stopped counting, shoved it away, and went back to what she knew best. Because flourishing through other means was the best way to move forward. So that’s exactly what she planned to do, Corporal Danvers be damned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the rough chapter, things can't stay happy forever! I promise I have a reason for it. If you have any questions at all don't hesitate to send me a question on twitter or tumblr, always happy to have a chat. Hope you enjoyed!
> 
> 50 days of Take Me Back: https://twitter.com/nerdalert_nat/status/916415333979820032
> 
> Playlist  
> Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/user/agent.bond.15/playlist/5CXdmgqHKsPMdYcywVCmHC?si=MfAjXU-IT9Sf9Yjejcgm4A
> 
> There's two songs missing on Spotify for the first 50 days before the rest of the playlist starts, here they are:  
> \- Would You Wait for Me by Brett Young  
> \- You Are the Best Thing by Ray LaMontagne 
> 
> Twitter: @nerdalert_nat  
> Tumblr: nat-on-the-run


	10. Saviour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex, in the thick of combat, has to make some tough calls.

The desert was hot, unbelievably so, Alex had learned this very quickly. She’d expected it, she’d lived in warm places before, but this was something else. This was mind blowing heat. Heat so far past the point of uncomfortable that it seemed to be burning every single cell in her entire body. Heat paired with a war.

It was hot and it was humid and it was a mess; and it broke her heart. She’d seen more horror in the month that she’d been stationed than the rest of her life combined. And that was saying something coming from a paramedic and a soldier who’d already gone overseas for a peace keeping mission. This was worse, so much worse. The amount of torture, gunfire, and blood she saw every day was astounding. There was so much pain and uncertainty across the country and Alex couldn’t do much to help.

Her and her team had managed to secure some areas on the region, but there was so much left to do. So many more people to help, and so much evil to fight off. It came at them from all sides and never gave them a break, their platoon constantly having to be on high-alert to keep safe. 

_The plane was filled with half ordinary civilians and half uniformed soldiers. Alex had managed to snag a window seat which would allow her to listen to music and do her own thing while Lucy and James chatted away beside her. It was a short trip to Chicago, where they landed and drove out to the military basecamp there. Alex was familiar with it seeing as that’s where she’d trained for boot camp. Then two platoons boarded a military jet and they were off._

_The ride was long and quiet, all of the soldiers aboard knowing exactly what they were going into. Things were bad, really bad. So bad in fact that on their first day stationed the soldier had gotten news of a chemical attack on innocent civilians. The death toll was rising by the hour and the US troops could only do so much._

_The first few days were hell. What with additional training, jet lag, and the temperature adjustment all being shoved in the newcomers faces the second they stepped foot out of the plane. Alex had been sent, with her platoon (among which Lucy and James stood, along with a few new faces), to the base camp of the American Military occupied area. They were there for a week, getting slammed with protocol and regulation and new orders. It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary for the well-trained soldiers, but it was a lot to take in regardless._

_They got split up into three groups after base training. There were sixty of them and so, typically, twenty were allotted to each of the three outpost camps within the area. Alex, along with her crew from back home, was sent east, to cover the newly occupied areas._

_Their team, an infantry division, was focused on the maintenance and expansion of a rebel occupied region. They were working with the rebel armies as they tried to counteract the three strong armies they were fighting against. So far the mission was going relatively well, but there was talk of a big hit coming their way. So everyone was on high alert, nothing being left to chance as each patrol, each move, and each political statement was calculated. Alex followed orders and did what she had to do. Some days that was treating injured soldiers, some days that was being on radio coms with other platoons across the country, and some days it meant being on the front lines of the war and putting her life on the line._

_She had no idea what was coming with her assignment to the east camp. No idea that the east camp was the most hostile and the most unstable. No idea that she’d see things she never wanted to see and have to make decisions she never wanted to make. But she didn’t have a choice, so she followed her orders and headed off towards a warzone unlike any other._

“Danvers. You’re next on patrol.” Alex heard from behind her as she was attempting to look over the map of operations but was actually lost in a daydream. She turned around and nodded at Vasquez’s order, immediately grabbing her hat and loading up her rifles, ready to head out. She marched over to the trade-off line and waited for her assigned partner to join-up with her. She was familiar with most of the men and women she worked with from National City, but a few had joined up with them as well. They were nice for the most part, and she tolerated a couple. But one of them, oh god did he get under her skin. So she hoped that she wouldn’t be stuck with-

“Alex.” Corporal Maxwell Lord said as he walked up to Alex, whose jaw clenched up as soon as she heard his voice. She sighed and put on a small smile, nodding at him as he took his place by her side. Their orders were to wait at the designated spot for the trade-off, knowing that that was the safest section of the perimeter. “I hear it’s pretty hostile out there today. You ready for that? Or you need me to take the lead?”

“Don’t be an asshole Max, you’re fully aware that I’m fine leading. I know you like the ego boost but give it a break and leave me alone.” Alex replied dryly, starting their walk when she saw their trade-off group approaching. He kept quiet for now, although Alex knew he’d have something rude to say again soon, he always did. 

They were lucky that day as there were a few clouds in the sky giving them some shade as they navigated the perimeter of the American military camp, wandering into town a little after they’d gone around the mile-long border, knowing that venturing into that seemingly-neutral territory was important for keeping up reputations in the area. 

Alex hated this part of her job, seeing the broken city. She watched the survivors of the warzone make their way through the rubble of what remained, looking for any glimpse of hope that the disaster could provide, more often than not coming up completely empty-handed. It was heartbreaking to see, and even more so heartbreaking that she wasn’t allowed to help. She had, of course, but always very sneakily, and never when she was out with Max. He was notorious for keeping up with the rules when his reputation was at stake, and always made sure to keep others in line as well, the reporting of bad behaviours always earning him a little praise from their commanding officers, even if the actions were received with disgust from his equals. 

“So Danvers, any news from home?” He asked as they marched side by side, guns in hand and gravel crunching under their boots. Alex debated not answering because why would he care? Why does it matter if she got news from home? She figured it out very quickly when he had a follow-up. “Any letters from your boyfriend?”

“Ahhhh, you’re asking if I’m single.” She replied, rolling her eyes at the comment and avoiding it all together. “I got a letter from my sister. Dated the day after I left. Fact of the matter is that communication sucks out here because it takes so long to get anything sent out… I don’t encourage people to send anything because I know they’ll just be anxious waiting for a reply that could take months to get to them.”

“And the single thing?” Max tried again, completely ignoring the other half of Alex’s answer. 

“No comment.” She said, clenching her jaw then as she heard gunfire from a few blocks away. Alex glanced over at Max, who nodded seriously before falling back and following her lead towards the gunfire. 

They came to what was probably a market square no more than a few months ago, the layout clearly having some sort of function in the city. Alex took cover behind a large concrete slab that had fallen towards the edge, peering around it at the commotion that was going on. It didn’t seem like there was much going on by the time they got there, just a few men hanging around with pistols tucked into their belts. Alex took caution in standing up then, slinging her rifle over her shoulder and opting for the handgun at her side. She told Max to stand down and keep out of view, effectively covering her should things go astray.

The three men noticed Alex right away and all immediately sported wicked smiles, gripping their guns a little tighter and lining up to face her. Alex stopped a few feet away and put her gun away, letting her hands fall to her sides and her shoulders drop from their tensed position. She nodded at them, standing her ground, and watched as they all turned and started walking away. She knew she had the upper hand, none of them looking like they had an extra ammo on their person. Still though, she was wary as she watched them walk.

When out of sight she whistled for Max to join her, which he did with confidence, the pair of them continuing on their patrol. 

It was two minutes later that the sound of gunfire came again, from right behind Corporal Danvers and Lord, bullets barely missing them as the ground in front of them was laced with holes, having been fired from an assault rifle. Both of them immediately dove behind the closest building, drawing their weapons and loading them, ready for whatever lay around the corner.

“I got this.” Max said first, sidestepping Alex to peer around the corner. He swore under his breath and let a couple shots ring out. Alex knew exactly what he was doing, and she thought he was an absolute idiot for doing it, the intimidation tactic never worked. She was right.

She heard Max yell for backup first.

She smelt the distinctness of gunpowder second.

She saw the kid, in the middle of it all, third.

She felt her muscles burning as she sprinted into the line of fire fourth.

And then Alex was diving. Diving at the tiny little boy standing in the middle of the massive square with a look of absolute horror masked on his face. She was diving and she was grabbing him on her way down, trying to cover as much of his body with her own as she could.

The world felt like it was going in slow motion as she took in the scene around while falling. Slow motion as she watched the opposing forces handle their guns with vigour and Max retaliating from behind a concrete slab. Slow motion as she twisted her body to take the blunt of the fall while holding this kid’s head tight to her chest, hoping that he was safe. Slow motion as she felt a bullet graze her left shoulder, sparking memories of meeting Maggie for the first time. It was all overwhelming. And while it all seemed to be in slow motion it all happened so fast. 

Because soon the opposing militants were gone, Alex had no idea what had happened, and Maxwell Lord had her head in his lap. 

“Piss off Lord, I’m fine” Alex snapped when she finally wrapped her head around the fact that she was safe. Max waited for Alex to sit up before moving, taking her word seriously and shuffling backwards to take a knee a couple feet away. Alex was pulling the kid from where he was tucked into her shoulder and holding him back, the breath she’d been holding getting let out as he opened his big brown eyes and looked up at her. 

She felt the tears roll over and fall from her eyes and onto the small boy’s dusty t-shirt. She guessed he was about four or five, and looked absolutely terrified as his eyes searched for something he seemed to be missing. Alex relaxed her arms, letting him know without a voice that if he wanted to go, he could go. 

“Mama?” He asked Alex, looking up at her and pointing back towards where she’d grabbed him from as she shower of bullets had sped his way. Alex lifted her head and looked around, searching within the rubble for any form of life but coming up dry. She shook her head and looked back down at the boy, who had strength in his eyes unparalleled to almost anything she’d ever seen before.

Alex nodded at Max to go have a look around, setting the boy down and taking his hand to make sure he was safe with her. Max wandered around, gun out, looking for any sign of life. He looked around while Alex walked with the boy slowly, watching as he kicked rocks across the dirt road, not seeming like he was wanting to talk, but understanding that Alex wasn’t going to hurt him, trusting her enough to distract himself with the rocks and jumping around.

“Alex.” Max called, his head poking out from a few yards away, a sombre look on his face. She picked up the kid again after offering her arms and getting his consent, and walked over to where Max stood. She hesitated when walking over there, knowing by the look that is was not good news. She hesitated leaving the boy behind too, but knew that he was the only one that could identify anybody.

And then, just as she expected, just as she was hoping wasn’t true, a young woman lay lifeless on the ground. How she died? Alex didn’t know. There wasn’t much blood, not enough for that to have been the cause. Regardless of the reason, she wasn’t coming back. And Alex knew that. And so did the boy. The shocked expression on his face as he looked down gave it all away. It was her, it was his mother. 

He didn’t cry. He was so strong and so mature for such a young age. Alex was more than impressed, she was astounded. This little kid had been through so much but he was hanging on, and it was incredible.

“I’m sorry…” Alex said softly, giving him a tiny smile with the last shred of hope she felt in her soul, not able to offer much more than that right now. And then the boy did the last thing she expected him to do, he launched himself back into her arms and snuggled close, his head tucking into the crook of her neck, the comfort Alex provided the only thing this little kid had. 

She stood up with the kid in her arms, the boy wrapping around her to stay held on tight, looking around at the courtyard they still stood in, just the three of them, continuously searching for his mother. Max stood up when Alex did, staying a few steps behind her as Alex started walking back towards their patrol line. He only spoke when he realized that Alex wasn’t going to do anything but carry this little kid around. 

“Danvers.” He said seriously, grabbing her arm as he jogged forward to get close. Alex stopped and glared over at him.

“Don’t touch me.” Alex spat, the boy’s eyes going wide at her aggressive tone. “Never. Understood?”

“Danvers.” He said again, dropping his hand but ignoring Alex’s statement, nodding at the boy in her arms. “What the hell are you doing?”

“I’m a doctor, _Max._ I’m going to make sure he’s healthy.” She said clearly, taking a step back and holding the boy closer, turning her body slightly to keep him out of reach. Maxwell Lord stared her down but said nothing else, jaw clenched as she had seniority although their ranks were the same. And he also knew that she was the sharpest shooter and the most skilled soldier of their entire platoon, next up to get promoted in the ranks. So he kept his mouth shut but let her know, clearly, that he disagreed with her decision. “You can report me, I don’t care. I’m going to do it anyway. He’s just a kid.”

Max looked like he was about to protest but Alex turned around before he had the chance to say anything, calling in to the basecamp and getting the okay to come back early for shift change due to medic-duties. That would leave Max out with a new partner while Alex did her job as a doctor and made sure this boy was in top shape.

She contemplated the course of action she wanted to take with this boy; fix him up, sure, but then what? Look for other family? The area was hostile enough without an American soldier sticking their nose into the civilian’s business, which would do nothing but scare them. She wasn’t quite sure what she was going to do, not quite sure what she could do as a single person, but she wanted to get this kid somewhere safe; she wanted to give this boy the best shot at a better life because, hell, this child had already been shot at. At four or five years old, he’d already been shot at.

“Corporal Danvers.” Said her relief, a young boy by the name of Lucas Green. He was a twenty year old kid that Alex had known for about a year. He’d run away from a life of abuse and alcohol to join the military. Alex had nothing but pride for him, even though his circumstance for joining broke her heart. The courage he showed was something Alex saw in Kara, and he reminded her of home. As did these boy’s eyes. Because his eyes were the exact same shade as Maggie’s.

Maggie… 

Maggie who’d she’d left in National City without a goodbye.

The girl she didn’t let herself think about. Ever.

“Thank you Private Green.” Alex replied, readjusting the boy in her arms, who’d fallen asleep against her chest in the half hour walk back to camp. “Corporal Lord is waiting by the exit lines, you’ll be with him for the rest of the night.”

She took the boy to see Vasquez first, knowing she’d need the green light. She could only go so far with her medical degree; she might be able to pull one over Maxwell Lord but she couldn’t just skip every regulation put in place by the military. She knew that she’d have to run this by her superiors. 

Once she had the all-clear to treat him, she carried the sleeping kid toward the med bay, laying him down on one of the full-length beds, something they were very lucky to have at their camp. He woke up then, stretching and searching for any familiar face around the unfamiliar room, eyes landing on Alex.

“Hey buddy.” She said softly, pulling up a chair next to his bed. He calmed down when he recognized her, smiling softly, Alex swallowing hard to keep her tears at bay. After all this boy had been through, he still smiled. “I’m just going to clean out your cuts okay?” She asked gently, pointing to the scraps across this exposed skin, not wanting to move too quickly or make him uncomfortable, he’d been through enough. He understood and nodded, lifting the arm closest to Alex for her to start with. “Thank you buddy. It’ll be okay, you’re safe now, I promise.”

“Thank you.” She heard him say, surprising her. She’d never once stopped to actually consider that maybe some of the kids would know English. It surprised her, yes, but it also showed her the realities of the war. The kid knew English, at least a little, and Alex knew why.

He’d known nothing but American occupancy in his country. 

He’d known nothing but war, nothing but uncertainty and foreign presence in a place that was supposed to be home. It broke her heart to know that he’d probably learned English from her people as they raided the towns and the schools keeping them “safe”. He knew English because his culture had been stolen. 

“You’re welcome.” Alex replied, holding back tears now as she stroked his head and flashed him a sad smile. “What’s your name?” She asked very slowly, not knowing the extent of his comprehension of her native language.

“Omar.” He replied simply, pointing to himself. Alex nodded and then pointed to herself.

“Alex.” She told him, omitting any sort of title because, right then, it didn’t matter. They were simply two people connected over the tragedies of warfare. 

Alex and Omar.

Soldier and child.

Two people brought together in the direst of circumstance, but brought together nonetheless.

What she was going to do with this little orphan, Alex had no idea. But she knew, for sure, that she wasn’t going to let anything bad happen to him. Not anymore. That life was over for him, she was going to make sure of that. 

Alex found the little guy a bed to sleep in and dragged it to sit somewhere safe in the sleeping quarters, to sleep on later that night. Alex then scooped him up and carried him to the canteen for dinner time, as the afternoon had completely gotten away from them.

He didn’t eat much, as suspected, but he managed to have a couple bread rolls and a little bit of the corn that was on his plate. Alex watched him carefully and answered all the questions the rest of the soldiers asked, as much as she could anyway.

She didn’t know anything other than his orphaned state and his name, so she couldn’t give them much.

Alex showed Omar around the base camp after dinner, holding his hand as they walked together until he reached up his arms to be carried instead. The night came down on them faster than anticipated and so, off-duty that night, Alex got ready for bed when Omar did. She tucked him in and made sure he was asleep before she, too, tried to get some rest, knowing that when the sun came up she was going to have to figure out what to do with this little kid. 

What she didn’t know then was that this kid was going to change her life more than he already had, he was going to test her in ways she didn’t think possible and make someone close to her very, very happy. 

Omar, this little kid whose life had been ripped from him before it even had the chance to really start, was going to do great things, and that, ultimately, was all thanks to Alex Danvers: doctor, soldier, medic, saviour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys thinks of this slight change of perspective with this chapter. I didn't want to skip any part of growth when it comes to both Alex and Maggie, so for the next couple chapters there may be some POV changes.  
> Cheers.
> 
> Twitter: @nerdalert_nat  
> Tumblr: nat-on-the-run
> 
> Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/user/agent.bond.15/playlist/5CXdmgqHKsPMdYcywVCmHC?si=MfAjXU-IT9Sf9Yjejcgm4A


	11. Sixty Eight Whiskey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex faces new challenges in her military career, coming to a realization.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for graphic descriptions this chapter, be careful if you have a harder time with it and stay safe while reading.
> 
> A good song for this chapter: How Did You Love - Shinedown
> 
> Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/user/agent.bond.15/playlist/5CXdmgqHKsPMdYcywVCmHC?si=MfAjXU-IT9Sf9Yjejcgm4A

Four months was a long time to be constantly sweating. And yet, every day Alex woke up to more blistering heat and less hope that she’d ever be of a comfortable body temperature again. Every day she woke up and braved the heat with full gear on her back, to try and make a difference. She wasn’t always successful, and that was hard, but she kept going because she knew that her work was important.

“Alex! Alex!” She heard from across the room as she shuffled into the courtyard outside the barracks, ready for her day of touring with Lucy and James, something she’d been looking forward too for a few days now. She turned around and knelt down, opening up her arms for little Omar to jump in. 

He’d become quite the little celebrity around their camp, the boy having been granted a place to stay with them, nowhere else for him to go. He wandered around the parts of the camp that he was allowed in, having quickly adapted to life on an army base. It had taken some convincing on Alex and Vasquez’s part, but eventually they were told he could say so long as he stayed in line and followed the rules told to him. 

Everyone, literally everyone, loved Omar. He was a huge bundle of energy once he’d gotten back to a healthy weight, and was always making the soldiers laugh with silly faces. His bed was next to Alex’s, the medic having requested he be allowed to stay with her as she was the person he’d felt most comfortable with to begin with. So he slept next to her when she wasn’t out on patrol at night, and the pair were inseparable when she was around camp and had free time.

When he wasn’t with Alex he played with all of the rest of the platoon, raising everyone’s spirits and never getting in the way, the kid very good at knowing where he could be at what times, and sticking to that with ease.

Alex knew he wasn’t going to be there forever though. She’d taken the liberty of contacting stateside and seeing what she could do to get him over to America. It had been an uphill battle but eventually she’d been able to find someone to take care of the kid, someone who was ready for it, and someone she trusted more than anyone else. The one and only: Kara Danvers. 

It had been a long process but Omar was set to fly home to her sister within a few days, and Alex couldn’t be happier for the little guy. He was going to have the best house to come home to and because it was Kara who was going to foster him, at least for now, odds are Alex would be able to see him again. 

But until then she was spending every ounce of her free time with the boy, joking around and helping him improve his English, a language he was rapidly picking up already, understanding and speaking very well for someone who’d only actually started studying it a few months ago. 

“Hey little dude! How’s your morning been huh?” Alex asked, laughing as she swung him up onto her shoulders, walking towards where she was to meet her coworkers for patrol. She was nervous about the patrol that day, the hostility in the area had been picking up, and there was bound to be some front line action and wounded soldiers out there today. 

“I had bagel breakfast.” He said simply, tapping on Alex’s head as they walked, waving at all his soldier friends as they passed them, sharing a few high fives with them. “Playing soccer in the noons.”

“The noons?” Alex said, laughing at the little kid. She knew that he meant afternoon, and couldn’t help but have her heart warmed by the little shortcut he’d come to take with some English words, not understanding that he couldn’t just shorten words he couldn’t pronounce properly.

“Yep. With Green.” He explained, completely missing the teasing tone of Alex’s question. 

“Private Green huh? You know what his first name is?”

“Lucas. But Green better.”

Omar addressed everyone on base, except for Alex, by their last name, as that’s all he heard and all he knew. It took him a while to understand that “Alex” and “Danvers” were the exact same person. But apparently he refused to call her Danvers when he put it all together. Alex had stuck and that wasn’t going to change. Not that Alex minded, at all. In fact, she quite loved that he called her by her first name. 

Alex dropped Omar off with Green, who was waiting around the next corner, transferring Omar from her shoulders to his and waving goodbye as she jogged to meet up with James and Lucy, who were already stationed and ready to go, waiting only on Alex now. 

“Danvers.” Vasquez nodded as Alex joined the team about to set off. “I know Omar’s cute but you can’t be late. You have a job to do, people relying on you.”

“My apologies Captain. Won’t happen again.” Alex said sternly, straightening up into military stance and nodding curtly, awaiting further instruction, her “soldier mode” as Kara called it once, activated immediately. 

“Better not.” Vasquez replied, eyes glossing over the three of them now, the pacing showing power but wariness, Alex knew it well. Something was wrong. “Okay soldiers, I’m sending you east today instead of west. Lord and a few others left not long ago to cover the west perimeter because I need you three out in the hostile area, you’re the best we have. You’re what we need. 

“Danvers, there’s wounded soldiers out there, bring a kit, get to them first and prioritize as need be, I trust your experience. Limit casualties and use any manpower you can spare to get them into a safe space.

“Olsen, check in with the commanding officer on site once you arrive, he’ll give you the lowdown on the sharpshooting power you’ll be in charge of. Gear up with extra ammo, they might be running low.

“Lane, make sure you know the flash grenade pattern, the opposition is very cordial, use that to your advantage when planning any needed counterattacks.”

“Captain?” Lucy interjected when Vasquez paused for a few seconds. After being nodded at to continue, she carried on with her question. “How bad is it? Honestly?”

“It’s bad.” Vasquez answered honestly, jaw clenched and head hanging. “Seven casualties on our side, both American military and rebel support. I’m not going to lie to you, you’re going into a very, very rough situation, walking into gunfire and violence. It’s not going to be easy. You’re all going to have to work fast and with very little. But of everyone here, I trust you three to diffuse the situation and help your comrades. I believe in what you can do.”

After packing up what they needed, Corporals Alex Danvers, James Olsen, and Lucy Lane set off towards what was one of the toughest few days of their lives. It wasn’t something any of them would ever, ever forget. Filled with no sleep and no food and high, high levels of paranoia at the possibility of not making it out alive. What each of them would learn in those three days would change their lives. Forever.

There’s something oddly poetic about soldiers marching towards a battle field. 

With silence surrounding them safe from the crunch of gravel beneath their boots, the crumbling city passes by as nothing more than a daze, a memory of what once stood proud. But the wake of the war left shockwaves through the city, leaving it a ghost, reminiscent of the beauty that once was.

They march and they march, strong grips on lethal guns. 

They march towards uncertainty, towards what could be the final breaths of their ragged lives. 

They march towards a better future for those behind them, for those yet to come. 

They march for those already lost to the unyielding grip of conflict. 

And they march for themselves, for the decision they’ve made to be taking the burden of a military job. It comes with a price, yes, but a price they’ve all accepted to pay. And so they march for their country, for their family, for the ones they love. Because if they can march towards the conflict, if they can fight and they can bleed so others can stay safe then they will do it a thousand times over again. 

Alex Danvers: Sixty eight whiskey.

James Olsen: Marksman.

Lucy Lane: Strategist.

Three of the most well-qualified and strong-headed soldiers to ever pass through the American military. Marching towards what would come to be known as the most intense three days of counterattacks the army would face in the war. 

Their posts were clear from the second the three of them arrived on site, whisked in three different directions and told to always have three rounds of ammunition on their person at all times. The attacks came quick and they came ruthlessly, tearing into the safe harbour that had been set up, paying no mind to anyone or anything that may be hiding inside. 

“Danvers.”

“Alex.”

“Hey medic.”

“Please. Danvers.”

She heard the calls from every corner of the tiny medical tent that had been set up a far away as possible from the frontlines. The soldiers laying there had been those too unhealthy to transport, too unstable to risk the blood loss that standing, or moving, would have done. Alex was there to help them be able to do that; to head back to base camp and recover or be sent home, depending on their conditions. 

Alex started with a young man named Tony Jameson. She’d known him a long time, they’d trained together in National City. He was a young black man that had grown up in Brooklyn. He’d told Alex, time and time again, that he wanted nothing more than to make his father proud, who he’d lost when he was only sixteen. His father had been in the air force, one of their commanding officers, and was killed in action, although his body never found.

It was that pain of the loss that had driven Tony to join. He wanted redemption for his father, he wanted to carry on the work he’d done. And here he was, doing just that. Fighting on the frontlines and, well, getting shot in the thigh. 

The wound was absolutely disgusting. Alex knew it was infected before she even had a look properly. She knew that the moment this infection hit his bloodstream there would be nothing she could do here to help. So she started with Tony. 

She took her time cleaning out the gaping hole and, unfortunately for Tony, who had no painkillers, took out the bullet. 

The groans lead to pleading her to stop, pleads to just let him go. Alex hated seeing someone in such pain and misery, in such a dire state of living that he wanted her to stop, to just pack up all her supplies and leave him to die because it was too much. But she kept going, kept at it, hoping that the searing burn she knew Tony was feeling would be enough to knock him out so she could finish her work without causing him conscious pain.

“Danvers… Please…” He moaned, his knuckles white from gripping the dusty bedsheets so tightly, trying to stay still and be calm. Alex’s eyes filled with tears as she kept going, saying nothing because she knew that if she did that she’d break down instantly. Being a medic was supposed to be about helping people, making them feel better. And while, eventually, that’s where she’d get with Tony, it hardly seemed like it then. Because he was screaming and hurting and it was her fault. So she kept her jaw clenched tightly and she finally pulled the bullet out, a final ragged scream escaping Tony’s lips as he, finally, passed out from the agony. 

Alex was able to compose herself then, zoning in on making sure the wound was properly cleaned out before she stitched up the bullet hole. It wasn’t her best work, but she didn’t have time to make it pretty, she didn’t want the rest of the men to suffer negatively because she wanted the scar on Tony’s leg to be perfect. She stitched it up and she bandaged it up with the minimal amount of gauze she could, knowing supplied were limited already. 

Six hours. She worked for six hours straight, pulling out more bullets, tying tourniquets, and even having to amputate one guy’s leg, just below the knee, the infection he’d gotten from a massive shrapnel cut having spread too quickly into his lower limb for it to even have the chance of being salvaged. Six hours straight. Patching men and women up and moving on to the next, shipping those off in critical condition if she could, trucks coming in once every couple hours to bring more supplies and reinforcements. Six hours of thinking she was done before having more screaming soldiers being carried to her side in worse shape than the one’s she’d just saved. It was so, so much. So much blood and so much anguish. So many tears and more pleads of “I just want to see my family again, please” than she’d heard in her entire life. 

Six hours until Alex Danvers could finally rest. Covered in sweat and dirt and dry blood, she collapsed in the corner of the medics tents and told the others to go get some sleep, she’d keep watch over the handful of soldiers than remained in the tent, stable for now but not exactly ready to be moved any time soon. She reflected then, on the day, on the intensity of warfare. It was all so crazy, all so surreal. The gunfire that she could hear, the screams that filled her ears constantly, and the lives they’d lost. She’d toured before, but it was more of a peacekeeping mission than actual warfare. This was on an entirely new level of combat. This was the frontlines and the suffering; the reason so many people came back battered and broken, never to recover.

The tears started streaming down her face then, as the sun was setting and the air was filled with an evening musk. Tears that did nothing to wipe away the grime that caked her tired, tired face. Tears of relief to be sitting down, of sorrow for the people they hadn’t been able to save, of yearning for Kara, for her mother, for her coworkers at the hospital. For Maggie. Of course for Maggie.

“Sixty eight whiskey.” The voice came in coarse, ragged from the hours spent yelling commands. Alex knew it right away. She nodded at James and slid over a little to make room for him on the bench she was on, letting her head fall into her hands and she breathed slowly and deeply, trying to just hold herself together for a few more seconds. He sat quietly as rested a hand on her back and simply followed her lead, breathing slowly for the first time that day.

They could still hear the gunfire, the battle, but it was slowing down now. Whether that was because either side was losing too many men and needed to recuperate or because the night was falling, Alex hardly cared. If the slowing of the fighting meant that more people were going to be alive to see the sunrise then she’d take whatever reason. 

Anything, really, to just have it all stop for a little while. 

“I can’t die out here James. I can’t. Not when…” The rest of her sentence faded off, because she didn’t really know what to say. Half of her wanted to go on about Maggie, about how she’d left things. But half of her realized that that was the last thing that mattered in a warzone. It was her own problem, not James’s.

“What’s going on Alex?” James asked, swinging around and kneeling in front of Alex as she sat up. He put his hands on her knees and waited for her reply, but nothing came. It broke James’s heart because he could tell something was ripping Alex apart, something she seemed to be wary about herself. 

“Nothing. It’s fine. Let’s go find Lucy and get some food while we still can.”

James didn’t try to get any more out of Alex then. They’d both had a very hard day, and they knew their fight was far from over. So he let it go but still let Alex know that if she needed anything at all that he was there for her, that they were still a team. 

Lucy was just as exhausted as the other two as she slowly ate the stale dinner rolls and cold chicken sitting on the plate in front of her. She smiled gently when her friends sat beside her, but didn’t manage much more than that. They sat in silence, solemn with the rest of the surviving soldiers that had been stationed with them, just trying to rid their minds of the horrors they’d been witness to. 

Silence of voice filled the room while sounds of bombing and guns kept ringing in. It was dire, it was dark, and the end to any of it seemed so far out of reach. Alex just wanted it to be over.

She wanted to stop watching bodies being carried past her without her having even had a chance to help save them. Wanted to feel in control again, to save more people than she lost. Not that she hadn’t saved everyone that had passed through her doors, but there were so many men and woman that hadn’t even had that shot at survival, and so more that were dying as she ate.

“Hey guys.” She heard from beside her as someone took a seat with the rest of them. She looked up and met Lucas Green’s deep brown eyes. Just a kid. Why had Vasquez sent him of all people? Why? He was just twenty years old. Sure, it was a war. But there must have been something he could’ve done back at camp. Something other than this. “How’s it been here?”

Alex was going to let him know how grim it had been, but before she even had a chance to reply alarm bells were going off and commanders were calling for armed soldiers to report to the front line immediately.

Not two minutes later Alex was lined up with James, Lucy, and Lucas; rifles in hand and instructions being yelled out over the sirens that still filled the camp. They were being sent out to the front lines to push back enemy fire from the trenches. There was no saying how long they’d be out there, no knowing what exactly was waiting for them when they arrived. All they were told is that they were needed as reinforcement and they were to be ruthless. No holding back and no mercy.

They all fell in line as they marched with conviction out into the darkness of the night. If Alex hadn’t known any better, if she’d been nothing but naïve, the light emitting from the explosions might have been taken as celebration. But the case was quite the opposite. People weren’t celebrating, people were dying. Laying down their lives. 

It was a tricky situation really, because in a war everyone thinks they’re the good guys. Everyone truly believes that they’re fighting for the better cause. But there’s no time to actually step back and evaluate every facet of the disagreements. There’s only time to get out there and fight for what you’ve been told is the greater good; to keep your own kin safe.

“Go, go, go!” The command came from way up the line, but it was loud enough for everyone to hear. 

And soon Alex was nothing more than another number, another soldier in the muddy trenches of a battle field. They were throwing grenades and loading up machine guns, letting bullets fly towards enemy territory without second thought. Alex was assigned to man one of the machine guns as she’d been known to be accurate at shooting, even within smoke-filled airspace. 

So she took control and she let it go; sending out more bullets than she ever had before, shutting down any and all emotions that threatened to break her focus. She wasn’t allowing herself to feel anything at all. Because if she did then her troop mates might lose their lives. If she let anything slip, even something as minor as a hitched breath they could all be dying, they could be letting enemy soldier into their ranks. More people would die: innocent lives and soldiers alike. If she slipped up Kara might get nothing more than a coffin and an American flag returning home. Alex couldn’t break focus. There was too much on the line. 

“Green stay behind me!” She yelled, feeling him brush up behind her as he followed orders. “Keep the bullet belts coming. We’re going to need as much ammo as we can.”

“Understood.” He replied hastily, reaching back to get another belt ready for when the one Alex was on ran dry. 

He was good, she’d give him that. Calmness and quick-thinking came in handy, and Lucas Green seemed to possess both those qualities. But even so, keeping him safe while still allowing him to help was what deemed the best course of action at that moment. Sure, he could shoot too, but he had that swiftness in following orders than very few other men had. Besides, someone else could man a gun and throw a grenade, no one could back Alex as flawlessly as Green could, except maybe Lucy Lane. So, yes, she kept him safe while still playing to his strengths. 

“Keep low.” She instructed as it rained debris and shrapnel from countess grenades and strategically placed IEDs were set off near the trenches. “Get ready for the-” The bomb ripped through the air right in front of her, slamming her hard against the far wall of the trenches as her breath was knock right out of her lungs. She fell to the ground, numbness filling her senses before she watched the world fade to black.

The next thing that Alex was aware of was the musty smell of dirt all around her. She opened her eyes to see both Green and Lane standing over her. Her ears were ringing loudly and she was unable to focus her eyes long enough to even attempt to read their lips. 

She slowly, slowly sat up, crying out as a sharp pain flashed through her right arm, eyes going dim with the burn of it. But she pushed past the pain, shifting her weight onto her left arm and shaking out her head. The ringing in her ears wasn’t fading as she made her way beck on her feet, looking over at what she’d gotten hit with on the arm. 

There was a huge piece of metal, from what she assumed used to be a helmet, sticking out from her arms, just below her shoulder muscle. She gritted her teeth and reached for the ace bandage she kept along other quick-solution medic fixes in the pack hanging from her side, holding it in her teeth and she tooth a deep breath and pulled the metal from her arm.

She felt arms hold her up in case of her passing out again, but stayed conscious and wrapped the bandage tight around the wound, letting Lucy tie it off before yelling out an order she couldn’t hear for her friend to keep fighting. Her breath was ragged and her body was aching for rest, but she pushed through it and reached for the machine gun once more, nodding at Lucas, who nodded back and clapped her back in solidarity. 

But the gunfire had stopped. She didn’t realize until she was about to start firing again herself. The rest of the soldiers in the trenches were sulking back down to sit on the ground, breathing heavily as they reached for the limited water bottles scattered around. 

“Alex?” She finally heard faintly, a plea of hope coming from Lucas himself. She looked over at him and nodded, assuring him that her hearing was returning, if not a little slowly. He breathed in relief before he took a seat, wiping the sweat off his forehead when he took his helmet off. 

She took time to really observe the situation she was in then. Dozens of men and women looking positively exhausted; each of them taking one single bite of the handful of granola bars in the trenches before passing it to the next hungry set of hands. 

Smoke still filled the night air as they sat and waited for the next round of heavy fighting to come their way. They were cleaning their faces and loading up on ammo, taking inventory of what they had left. Alex followed suit, using the small knife they’d been supplied with as a make-shift shovel to gouge some room in the dirt for extra bullet belts to sit right next to her gun, to allow easier access and better short-term storage organization. 

“Lucas listen to me.” She said, grabbing his sleeve and hanging her head as she passed him a half-empty water bottle and a granola bar, “Drink all the water and feel free to have the whole granola bar. Just rest up.” 

“What about you?” He asked as he sat down without realizing he was, legs giving out from hours of fighting. 

“Don’t worry about me. I’ll let you know as soon as you’re needed okay?” Alex said, kneeling down to meet him at eye level. She watched as he nodded and immediately let his body go slack, the rush of adrenaline that had built up in his body getting broken down and bringing on a shutdown. He submitted to the walls of the trenches and tried to relax, trying to wipe more sweat and blood and dirt from his face to no avail; his hands were just as dirty as his face. 

Alex, meanwhile, had started walking down the line, making sure everyone had had something to eat and drink. She dodged questions of reciprocation, knowing that she could run without fuel a lot longer than the rest of these soldiers could, she’d done it before. 

She’d done it before and she would do it again.

Because Alex Danvers was a natural leader and leaders helped their crew first.

They needed it more. Their lives were more important right now.

No matter how terrified she was. Her platoon came first. 

She walked up and down the lines for what must have been hours; the sun was coming up before any action came their way again. But when it came, it came with vigour. It came ruthlessly and it came suddenly, forcing all of the soldiers to their feet and arming their rifles. 

“Follow the lead out!” Alex called, ordering her men and women out the east exit of the trenches and towards the river that separated the two sides, hoping that by skirting around back that they could avoid heavy fire. “Stay close!”

It started to rain, a much welcomed change from the excessive heat, as about twenty of them were round the bend towards the exit ramps. They were drenched in seconds. And although the coolness the fresh water provided was nice, the mud it created almost instantly was severely slowing them down. Alex took the lead, seeing Lucy and Lucas within her ranks, having no idea where James was nor if he were even still alive. 

She led them around and out as they all took cover behind crumbled buildings. 

“Ryan. Smith. Jones,” she started, grabbing the solders’ attention. “You three go left. Counter the gunfire from the cover behind me. Try to pull their attention over there by firing hard. I’m going to lead the rest around back to try to take down the six men watching us from behind. Understood?”

“Yes ma’am!” They all replied, falling in line and crawling through the mud and following instruction. 

Meanwhile, Corporal Danvers was calling the rest of the troops to her side and guiding them out in pairs around the back and towards the next set of rubble they could hide behind.

It was slow moving but eventually they all, herself paired with Green to assure she that could be his cover, got in position. She looked over to Ryan, Smith, and Jones, who were just in view, waiting for her single to cause the distraction. Alex nodded curtly and they let bullets rain, taking out one of the six men right away, the others countering hard.

“Go.” She whispered to the sixteen men and woman she had following her, the four she’d assigned to take the first round of shots popping up and letting loose. Once they ran out, the next four went up while the rest loaded up again, aiming at firing with precision if they could, taking down another five men.

The last enemy soldier took cover then, cowering behind a large rock pile lined with sandbags. That was their cue. Alex waved all nineteen of them forward, guns at the ready and shots firing as they ran forward, easily taking out the remaining man. 

And then enemy reinforcements arrived. Stunned, Alex couldn’t do anything but watch as two, as three, as four and five of her men were gunned down mercilessly. They were good, but not as good as the Americans, who took no time in retaliating, mowing down the dozen opposing soldiers that they’d come to face. 

Alex beamed with pride as they took cover, successfully pushing the opposing army back, watching as they retreated rapidly. She took a knee then, looking around at those who remained by her side. And then she saw Lucas Green. With a gaping hole in his side.

“No… No, no, no. LUCAS!” She yelled, sprinting over to his side to see him still breathing, a hand pressed hard against the bullet wound in his abdomen. “No. You can’t die on me kid, you can’t.”

“Survive Danvers.” He said simply, breathing heavily. “Can you… Tell my brother I love him please?”

“You’re not going to die Lucas, you can tell him okay?” Alex said, immediately starting her tactics to get him to calm down; letting him know to keep pressing hard on his wound as she pulled out the proper medic’s kit she had in her backpack. He nodded and gritted his teeth, trying to stay strong through the immense pain he was in, but having little luck, moaning as he pressed harder. Alex called Lucy over, like she had Maggie all that time ago when she’d worked on Jason Cooper, and told her to press hard. 

Lucy did as she was told, keeping quiet and stoic as Alex pulled open her suture kit and grabbed a pair of surgical pliers. 

“I have to take the bullet out.” She told Green, who nodded curtly, trying to seem brave all the while his face went white. 

She pulled his vest open and took a deep breath before slipping the pliers into this kid’s abdomen, hearing him scream. It didn’t take long to find the bullet, the sucker wasn’t lodged too deeply. She pulled it out only to watch the blood gush harder than ever.

“Lane, again!” She yelled, seeing Lucy take action right away, holding the wound closed as best she could. Alex ripped open her suture kit and threaded her needle up, pushing Lucy’s hands off again to start work. She worked fast, not caring if anything looked pretty. Lucas’s life was on the line, she could clean up the stiches later if he wanted. She worked fast, watching as blood spilled from his side and onto the ground, dyeing the mud bright red, the puddle getting bigger and bigger with every passing second. 

Lucas’s breath hitched then and his eyes fluttered to a close. 

“No. Fuck. Green. Open your eyes!” She yelled, dropping her suturing and reaching for his face, slapping his cheeks gently to get him to wake up. “Wake up Lucas. Wake up. Please. I can’t lose you… Lucas.”

“Alex.” Lucy started, trying to pull her off of him. “Danvers. He’s gone.”

“No!”

“Alex, he’s gone. It’s time to let him go.” She tried again, pulling a little harder now, feeling Alex concede to her pull and fall into her chest, immediately breaking down. She held her as sobs wracked her body and she clutched at her coat. She held Alex Danvers for a long, long time as she cried herself dry and yelled until she was hoarse. Words of “it’s not fair” and “I want to go home” and “I miss Kara” and, surprisingly, seeing as she’d never heard the name before “Maggie. Maggie. Maggie.”

Lucy held Alex, surrounded by cover from the rest of the surviving platoon, until Alex was laying still in her arms and the rain was pouring harder than ever. 

“Who’s Maggie?” She finally asked Alex when she felt it was safe to do so. Alex simply sat up and hung her head, jaw clenched and fists wringing in her lap. “Danvers?”

Alex shook her head and reached inside her coat, pulling what seemed to be battered photos taken in a photo booth and passing it over to Lucy. She looked down to see Alex and another girl smiling brightly up at her, their sparkling eyes showing nothing but warmth and happiness. Alex waited until she caught Lucy’s eye again before taking a deep breath and gently tucking the photos away again.

“I made a mistake Lucy. I need to go home. Take me back. I need to see Maggie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait on this one guys, school's been super busy and so my writing has slowed down. Good news is that this one's a little longer than normal, so hopefully that makes up for it... I still have a couple chapters written ahead of you guys but I want to space them out a bit to allow me to start writing again!
> 
> As always, thanks for reading, you guys are awesome!
> 
> Also: if you've been reading this in one sitting, get some water and go for a little walk please, it's a lot for one go. 
> 
>    
> Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/user/typicalwaffle/playlist/3u3tHDDZtKGQ0R7VnvX0W8  
> Tumblr: nat-on-the-run  
> Twitter: @nerdalert_nat -> #TakeMeBackAU


	12. Resilient

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, school caught up with me! Enjoy.

Maggie woke up to a blaring alarm clock and dog slobber across her face. It was Sunday morning and she wanted to get an early start to the day as she had a lot to do. It was a big day, a celebration day, and the surprise party was in her hands. 

Zoe was turning 18. She was the last of her little LGBT group of kids to hit the milestone, and so, understandably, everyone was very, very excited. They’d been planning the party for weeks now, skirting around Zoe herself a few times to avoid spilling it all. And they’d managed, she hadn’t been suspecting anything. At least, Maggie hoped she hadn’t.

She’d told Zoe that they would go out for dinner, whatever she wanted, on Maggie. Zoe was to swing by Maggie’s apartment around 5pm for them to leave and head downtown. But instead of leaving, all her friends would be crammed there waiting to surprise her. It was a flawless plan, Maggie thought, and she was glad that Alison had had the incredible idea.

There was still a ton to do though, and Maggie was going to be running down to the wire to get it all done in time:

1\. Take Fender for his morning run

2\. Shower as fast as possible to make it out to the dry cleaners to pick up Shane and Cory’s suits

3\. Swing by the jeweller’s to get the watch she was gifting Zoe

4\. Grab lunch on the way to the bakery to get the cake and pastries

5\. Head to Zoe’s favourite restaurant to get meals for them all for dinner (much nicer food than Maggie could even come close to cooking herself)

6\. Back home to get everything in the fridge

7\. Pick up Cory, Alison, and Shane

8\. Bring the kids back to they can decorate the apartment

9\. Party starts at 5 when Zoe arrives

It was certainly going to be one hell of a busy day. But if she stuck to schedule and got lucky with the traffic, she’d be able to pull it off. 

Maggie’s alarm went off 7:00 am, as per usual. She got up immediately and threw on her running gear, leashing Fender up (after having wiped her face off) and heading out for her morning run.

She was usually out for an hour or so, coming back home so she had enough time to shower quickly before she left for work, which typically started at 9. That morning was no different. Maggie was back home by 8, putting on the coffee pot and hopping in the shower. Maggie poured her coffee to go, black of course, and was out the door by quarter to nine to head to the dry cleaner’s.

It was a perfect day. Chilly because it was December, but still absolutely perfect. Everyone had seemingly decided to stay in that Saturday because the roads were the least busy Maggie had seen in a long, long time, leaving her the room to get to the dry cleaner’s well before she’d planned.

“Julie, hey! Just the two suits today.” Maggie said cheerfully as she waltzed in to pick up the boys’ suits. Julie grabbed them both off the rack and handed them over to Maggie, smiling brightly and familiarly at the detective who she’d known since she moved to National City. 

“Big date?” Julie asked as she rang Maggie up. “You usually just have your own suit, these are much too big for you! Who’s the special guy?” Maggie chuckled as she shook her head, pulling her wallet out.

“No date.” She replied politely. She had no idea if she’d ever told Julie she was gay and so just rolled with the assumption that she hadn’t. “These are actually for two kids that I work with at the LGBT Youth Centre. I’m having four of them over to my place for a birthday dinner. We decided on black tie, Zoe likes the glam that comes with dressing up for a party.”

“You’re quite the mother duck aren’t you?” She added as she passed over the receipt to Maggie, who simply laughed and shrugged.

Dropping off the suits in the back of her car, making sure to lay them flat to avoid them wrinkling, Maggie pulled out her phone to check that the jewellery store would be open so early, obviously having more time than she’d planned for with the amazing traffic. It was still a good drive away, but the store was open so she knew she could make good time getting there.

“Shouldn’t take long to just pick up a watch right?” She mumbled to herself as she started up her car and sped off.

She was excited to pick up the watch for Zoe. It wasn’t something she’d originally thought of, having wanted to go for a gorgeous pair of pearl earrings, but she saw the silver watch in the window and immediately fell in love. It was perfect for the spunky girl she’d come to love, and in the end it would wind up being a lot more practical. It had been a complete coincidence that she’d even found it, having swung by an older mall on a case a couple months back.

It was the type of place people usually just glanced over and walked past, run-down with some renovations going on that didn’t exactly attract a crowd. But the jeweller had been absolute lovely and Maggie was thrilled she’d found the perfect place and the perfect accessory to get Zoe. 

And so, she was just as excited to go back, looking forward to the great service and finally picking up the watch she’d been so eager to show Zoe since she first laid eyes on it. It was going to be absolutely perfect. 

Maggie parked up just outside the entrance to the dingy mall and strolled in happily, only to be frozen on the spot when she spotted a familiar face. A ghost of memories long repressed. Someone she hadn’t seen in five months. Someone she’d been lucky enough to avoid since that day. There stood a reminder, a shot to the chest. There stood Kara Danvers. The one person, apart from Alex herself, who could quite literally knock the wind from Maggie’s lungs.

Because Kara was the last thing she’d seen of Alex, the last breathing memory of the day her world shattered. 

And she’d seen Maggie so there was no turning back. Only a coward would.

“Maggie, Hey!” Kara waved, smiling brightly as she walked over, having just left the very shop Maggie had been heading towards. She saw Kara go in for a hug, the girl stopping herself at the last second, her face falling as if she was now too remembering their last encounter. Her voice was softer, more empathetic, next time she spoke. “How are you?”

“I’m okay.” Was all Maggie said, crossing her arms across her chest, not wanting to let any type of emotion slip out. She needed to be cordial. Because it wasn’t Kara that had hurt her. “Keeping busy with work as usual. You?”

“I’m good. Just got a new job at CatCo so I’m out reporting now instead of running around fetching coffee for Miss Grant and booking appointments all day.” Kara explained, fixing her glasses as she was smiling so hard they kept moving off her nose. “Which reminds me, I need a statement from an officer at your precinct. Is Foster in today?”

“Oh. Uh, yeah, I think so. You can go over and check, the front desk knows when everyone works, and they can let you know.” She replied, caught off guard with the suddenness of the question.

“Okay well I’ll go do that then, thanks! Nice seeing you Maggie.”

And then she was alone again as she watched the younger Danvers sister walk away from her. Just like that, a stark reminder in a thirty second conversation. Great, just what I needed today. Something to distract me. Maggie thought as she gathered herself and made her way into the jewellery store, trying to focus on the day ahead instead of Alex Danvers. 

Without much thought on her tasks at hand, Maggie picked up the watch and headed to grab lunch before making her way to the bakery. Her mind was reeling, still, with memories of her and Alex when she arrived, not really able to even make out her own words as she asked for the cake she’d ordered.

Maggie was so caught up in her head, so concentrated on her encounter with Kara that she almost missed her name being called. But, thankfully, her thoughts were immediately redirected when she saw the cake she’d ordered. It had looked stunning on the bakery’s website, but it was a whole other level of gorgeous in person. 

She’d been wary about getting a black and white cake because of the lack of colour, something that was very much present in every facet of Zoe’s life; from her clothes to her personality, this girls just radiated. But it seemed it had paid off. The cake was a simple two-tier, but with the perfect white fondant wrapping it and black buttercream icing piped across the entire thing, it still screamed Zoe. It was elegant and made quite the statement. 

So with the cake all packed up and carefully stored in a secure spot in her car, Maggie was off to get their dinner, which consisted of a three course meal with salmon as the entrée for them all. It was starting to get exciting then, having all the pieces come together that she’d been planning for weeks now. A big celebration with the four most important people in her life.

After having dropped everything off at home, Maggie made one final run out to pick up Cory, Shane, and Alison, all of whom had already been hanging out together downtown, not far from Maggie’s place. 

“Okay so I want the place to look really classy.” Maggie explained to them as they all filed into her apartment, greeted by a very excited Fender, who was thrilled to have so many people giving him attention. “I want it to look like a black-tie event. Which reminds me… Boys, your suits are in the gym upstairs, you can leave all your stuff in there when you change, I want to keep the place clutter-free.”

“What were you thinking for place setting?” Alison asked Maggie when Cory and Shane ran upstairs to get into their suits. “My brother worked at an upscale hotel, he taught me how to set the tables all fancy. I can totally do that if it works with what we’re eating.”

“Whatever you think works best is fine by me Alison, thank you.” Maggie said, strolling over and opening up all her drawers and cabinets to reveal cutlery and plates. “Have at it, anything and everything. I’ll get the table cloth on the table then it’s all yours. Don’t hold back, you know Zoe, the more extravagant the more she’ll love it.” 

“Will do.” Alison replied, already fishing around for perfect matching sets among all of the mismatched things Maggie had collected. 

Maggie took a second to herself then as her guests busied themselves across her apartment. She made her way into her bedroom and shut the door softly, her throat sore from holding back her tears, which were now streaming down her face.

She thought she’d gotten over Alex, she really did. But maybe, even after five months of working towards being in a better place, all she’d really accomplished is ignoring it. Because, after all, there hadn’t been much to remind her of Alex. She’d gone about avoiding every place they’d been, everyone they’d seen.

So maybe this was it, the beginning of healing, and the beginning of accepting that Alex was gone and that she was probably never coming back. What stung the most wasn’t even Alex leaving, she’d long understood the paramedic’s actions of that night they’d shared. What hurt was the fact that she’d gotten no explanation.

High and dry. People weren’t kidding about that saying. 

Alex hadn’t had the guts to face Maggie directly and tell her she’d been called to active duty. She was just there and then she wasn’t. And Maggie didn’t know why. She honestly thought that Alex would’ve talked to her about something that big; but maybe she didn’t know the girl like she thought, she was more a mystery than ever.

She let herself cry for a while then, just long enough for her absence to be acceptable. She cried like she had the first day, although the sobs were a little less violent, a little more personal. This time it was less about mourning the loss of her best friend and more about accepting that she needed to let it go and move on. She cried for herself and then she got dressed and put on the smile she needed to wear. 

With a white button-up top tucked into black slacks, Maggie put a little more effort into doing her makeup nicely, wanting to follow her own instructions of black-tie. Which, actually, she added to her outfit. A thin black tie pulling the look together. She didn’t often wear ties, preferring the casualty of a tie-less top, but decided to amuse her kids for the night and go all-out. 

It was nearing five o’clock by the time she made her way back out into the living area of the apartment, seeing the completed decorating for the fight time. 

It was perfect.

Elegant and chic, absolutely spot on for Zoe’s 18th birthday. The table had been set perfectly by Alison, and she assumed both boys had tidied the rest of the place up and put up the rest (mainly black and white balloons and a few strategically placed steamers). There were four gifts sitting on the coffee table, and even Fender had a little black bowtie around his neck, an adorable look as he slept in his open crate. 

“This is beautiful guys, thank you so much for all your help.” Maggie said, tears surfacing to her eyes again, for far different reasons this time, as they all got up to fall into her open arms. They all laughed as Maggie was squished in between the three of them before breaking apart as there was a soft knock on the door. Maggie lit up, winking at Cory, Shane, and Alison, before walking over to the door.

She swung it open to reveal Zoe in a gorgeous teal dress, her natural curls out in full, beautiful, force. Maggie poked her head out and smiled cheekily, to which Zoe raised an eyebrow.

“What did you do?!” Zoe asked, familiar with the look. And then Maggie stepped back and opened the door wide, hearing the rest of their crew yell surprise. Her face was well worth all the work Maggie had put into this evening. Her eyes immediately welled up with tears as her smile grew, taking in the scene of the little family she’d built. 

Zoe was in Maggie’s arms before she was able to take her next breath, holding her tightly and letting the tears of gratitude flow. Maggie hugged her back strongly, reaching to close the door when the rest of the crowd joined in on the second group hug of the night.

She turned music on then as everyone took their seats at the long table, having put together a lovely playlist of some of Zoe’s favourites. 

Dinner was served right away as everyone’s mouths were watering at the smell of the savoury meal that awaited them all. All five of them dug in as soon as it was served, scrapes of utensils replacing the usual flow of conversation for a while, everyone clearly starving. 

They laughed and talked and ate, all with bright smiles plastered on their faces. After everything each of these incredible young adults had been through, it was nice for Maggie to see them all smiling so much. 

She’d been on the receiving end of each of their tears more than once. And she’d been more than happy to lend a hand, a heart, anything. But as much as she was happy to help, it warmed her heart to see that none of them were hurting as they surrounded her kitchen table. They were all so strong, and all so beautiful, lighting up the entire world as they were starting to really come into their own; to make choices that not only bettered themselves but the world as a whole. Maggie couldn’t be more proud.

By the time all their plates were empty it was nearing six o’clock, which was actually putting them ahead of schedule, although none of the kids had any idea that they were even on a time constraint. Maggie had assumed they’d take longer to eat dinner because it had been a while since all five of them had hung out, but everyone’s plates were empty and they seemed to be ready for cake. Which is exactly what Shane stood up to do next, taking initiative (probably for his own stomach’s sake). 

“Maggie! It’s beautiful!” Zoe exclaimed as soon as Shane pulled the desert from the fridge, having strained her neck to get a good look at it.

“You weren’t supposed to look, Zo!” Maggie said, rolling her eyes jokingly and finishing off her beer before standing up to help Shane put the many candles on the sake and get out her lighter. “Hey Cory, can you dim the lights please?”

“No. No singing! Guys come on.” Zoe tried, covering her face with embarrassment as they all ignored her plea and started singing anyway. She lightened up quickly, her eyes bright as she watched Shane carry the gorgeous cake over and set it in front of her. She smiled as they finished and all urged her to make a wish. She contemplated for a few seconds before saying. “I don’t need anything else. My life’s been hard, sure, but I don’t think I’ve ever been as happy as I am right now. You guys are all I need.” With the perfect heartfelt confession out of the way, Zoe blew out the candles anyway, stopping the wax from ruining the beautiful piece of edible art that sat in front of them all.

Maggie cut the cake and served everyone a piece, telling them to eat up so they could get to presents before a surprise arrived. Something she hadn’t told any of them about, a little extra flare for them all to enjoy, god knows they needed it.

Zoe opened the watch form Maggie first, beaming as she put it on, the silver complimenting her dress and skin tone perfectly, as if it was made for her and her alone. 

Cory got her a scarf she’d off-hand mentioned to Alison as they shopped, a message which she had passed on to her loving boyfriend. She thanked him with a big hug before opening up Alison’s gift, which was a spa getaway for the two of them to go on the weekend after next. 

Shane’s gift was last, and was one that the rest of the gang had been most excited about, the boy having let them all in on the secret beforehand. As Zoe had just moved into her first apartment and was admittedly feeling a little lonely after having spent a few years surrounded by people at the LGBT youth centre, Shane had gone to the animal shelter and picked out the perfect kitten for his best friend. 

Zoe squealed with delight as the tiny little Bengal cat was lifted into her arms by Shane, the cat immediately taking to the girl and falling asleep in her arms. She thanked him over and over again, both of them getting lost in a conversation of picking names for the little guy. That’s when Maggie saw Cory take a deep breath and turn towards her. She’d noticed his demeanour through the night, knowing full well that he had something to ask her. And so, the time had come.

“Hey Maggie, I was wondering…” Cory started, hesitating in finishing his question, not quite sure how Maggie was going to react to it, although he shouldn’t have worried. Maggie tilted her head sideways and smiled softly, giving him a silent bout of encouragement to ask the question that was bugging him. “I um… Do you think we could do something together for Christmas?...”

Maggie’s smile grew then, it grew larger than it had all night. In years past the five of them had done a few holiday festivities. They’d gone skating in the park, out on a carriage ride through a light show, and had even volunteered together at the shelter to help out. It wasn’t anything new for them to do something special. 

But she knew this request was different. Cory hadn’t spoken to his parents in years. He’d gone to Alison’s last year, but she was staying in National City this year because of work. Shane had a lovely home life, so he spent his time off with his family. And Zoe usually was in full swing with the LGBT youth centre with their organization of festivities. So Maggie often spent it alone, curled up on the couch with Fender watching old movies and eating popcorn. It was lonely, sure, but it was something she’d come to cherish.

Maggie knew Cory felt like he was infringing on that alone time. But she was absolutely thrilled and more than happy to spend the holiday season with four of her favourite people in the world.

“Of course we can.” She replied tossing an arm around the boy and ruffling his hair, much to his dismay. He swatted her off but returned the brilliant smile. “I would be absolutely thrilled to do something with you guys. I’m guessing you all have actual Christmas day plans right? So how about a lovely pizza and movie dinner on Christmas Eve here? My treat.”

“Are you sure Mags?” Zoe asked cautiously, rejoining the conversation again. “You do so much for us already.”

“Zoe, yes, I’m happy to. I see you guys as family just as much as you see me as family.” She said, making sure to make eye contact with all of the kids, who seemed to be buzzing with excitement now. “You’re always welcome. Always.

“But that’s really a discussion for another day. Right now we have something to do.” Maggie said, getting up and dusting off her pants, the clock having just hit eight o’clock. Her guests looked at her with confused faces but got up and followed her outside when she strolled right out of her apartment.

They didn’t realize what was happening at first. Nothing seemed out of place when Maggie stopped and turned around to gauge their reactions. But eventually they clued in that the slick black limousine was for them. And then all their jaws dropped.

“You didn’t.” Zoe said.

“Maggie what the hell.” Shane followed.

“Guys shut up and get in before the dream ends.” Alison concluded, pulling everyone out of the stupor they’d been in and running towards the open door of that rather obnoxious-looking vehicle. 

Once piled in, Maggie gave the nod to the driver to go ahead, no one but Maggie herself having any idea what they were actually doing. Not that they cared, none of them had been treated quite so royally before. 

The sun roof, or rather the moon roof at that time, slid open with ease, allowing Zoe to pop up and see National City in all its glory at night. They drove all around the downtown core, each of the passengers taking their turn at sticking their torsos out the roof and get floored by the thrill rush the sold night air provided. It was captivating and it was something completely surreal. The wind on their faces, through their hair; lights flashing by as the city came alive before them. It was like something out of a far off dream, something none of them could have ever imagined would happen to them.

Maggie watched them all, each one of them in absolute awe at the experience, and knew right then that she’d made the right call. Sure, the ride had been expensive, but it was well worth the cost of it to see the kids she’d practically raised having so much fun, being so happy and so safe. It was reward enough to have them call her family, but seeing their smiling faces that night was a memory Maggie would never forget. 

So she let them go wild, even letting Zoe and Shane (who weren’t 21 yet) have a couple sips of the champagne the limo provided. She let them soak in every damn second of the hour-long ride. She sat back and she just enjoyed the night, because they all sure as hell needed it. 

“Thank you Maggie. Seriously. Best birthday ever, you’re amazing.” Zoe said at one point, coming to sit right next to Maggie and giving her a tight hug. Maggie nodded and kissed Zoe’s forehead quickly before the girl rushed off to join her friends who were admiring the inane lighting throughout the limo. 

The ride came to an end around nine o’clock, the five of them getting dropped off once again at Maggie’s apartment. They decided to make a quick detour to the ice cream shop a couple blocks away from the apartment, all of them getting their favourites, paying for themselves and Zoe picking up on Maggie’s as a thank you, only after much protest from the detective though. She thanked them and they made their way back and played a few round of Mario Kart at Maggie’s before deciding to call it a night.

Cory and Alison left first, grabbing a cab back to their place as it was the farthest away. Shane’s mother came to pick him up, giving a warm thank you to Maggie as well before slinging an arm around her son’s shoulders and guiding them out. Zoe left last, wanting to really take in the entirety of the night. She didn’t have far to walk and wasn’t too worried about hitting the sack early as her boss had given her the next day off. 

After a long, long day, Maggie finally had the space to herself once more. It seemed oddly quiet without the four kids around anymore, so she put on some music again and let Fender out for a few minutes before she was going to get ready for bed. Thankfully there hadn’t been much to clean up so that was already done. All there was left was to take down the streamers, which could easily be done in the morning.

Smiling at the work she’d done that day, at the satisfaction of having a happy little family, she yawned, let Fender back in, tugged off her tie, and grabbed a book from the coffee table to head to bed. 

She was just walking past the front door on her way to her bedroom when she heard the knock, groaning as she backtracked a little to unlock it.

“Guys, can’t you let me sleep?” She called, knowing it was probably one of her kids having forgotten something upstairs, she hadn’t checked to see if they’d grabbed at their gear. She swung the door open wide to let them in. “Can’t you just come back tomorrow, I have the day off.” 

But there stood not Cory, not Shane, not Alison, not Zoe. There stood someone Maggie was all too familiar with, a woman whose face still flashed in her dreams. Standing there in full uniform, looking as if she’d only just gotten off training stood none other than-

“Alex?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry for the long wait on this one! I'm currently writing chapter 13 and I'll be able to spend more time working on it with the break coming up soon. Let me know what you thought of the chapter and as always, links are below if you have any questions or comments at all. Cheers guys, thanks for sticking around!
> 
> Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/user/agent.bond.15/playlist/5CXdmgqHKsPMdYcywVCmHC?si=MfAjXU-IT9Sf9Yjejcgm4A  
> Tumblr: nat-on-the-run  
> Twitter: @nerdalert_nat -> #TakeMeBackAU


	13. Human

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What does Alex's homecoming mean for Maggie? For them? For everything they both left in the past?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait and the cliffhanger, hopefully this chapter makes up for it, enjoy!
> 
> As suggested by the lovely Tg, a song for this chapter: Never Gonna Leave This Bed by Maroon 5

“Please don’t shut the door on me.” Was the first thing Maggie heard Alex say. The first time she’d heard anything, the first form of communication, in five months. “Please let me explain.”

“You don’t get to say anything.” Maggie replied, dropping her grip on the door but not letting Alex in. She kept distance between them, the coolness filling that space very apparent as she crossed her arms. “I get to speak first.”

Alex took a deep breath and simply nodded, her jaw clenched and her stance stiff. She’d been readying herself for this, for the yelling.

“Do you know how many days I spent putting myself back together after you left? How long it took me to convince myself that those memories of you, my nostalgia over all that I felt, were playing tricks on me?” Maggie started, her chest already tight as she fought off the sobs that threatened her speech. “I had to wake up every day and prove to myself that my life was better off, that I had all that I needed, that I didn’t need you. Alex- Do you know how hard that was? To force myself into believing what we had was fake?”

“Maggie I’m sor-” Alex interrupted almost taking a step forward. But Maggie simply shook her head and lifted a hand, stopping Alex mid-sentence.

“No. I’m not done. Five months!” Maggie started again, her voice raising now. Her throat was constricting as she swallowed back tears. Her heart was racing as she tried to calm down, to no avail. “You were gone for five months. For all I knew you could’ve been dead. You asshole! You could have been dead! And now here you are, standing at my door. And I just- I’m falling for you all over again. Fuck, Alex, why did you come back?”

“Because I’m an idiot. And an asshole, you’re right.” Alex said, her voice soft but firm. She needed Maggie to know how she felt, how sorry she was, how much she regretted her actions last time they saw each other. “Because every fucking second that I wasn’t here, with you, I was out there thinking about you. Every day. Every night. Every damn second Maggie. It was all you. So here I am. And I’m sorry. And you can tell me to leave, I will. I just wanted to tell you that.”

Alex watched as Maggie took it all in, the tears she’d been holding back finally spilling over. She stood there breathing heavily and just staring at Alex, contemplating her next move. And Alex? Alex waited because she knew that’s what Maggie needed from her in that moment. No talking, no actions, no matter how much she wanted to wipe the tears from her cheeks and hold her tight. Here was the girl she’d never stopped thinking about, breaking right in front of her eyes, and she could do nothing but wait.

“Why are you in uniform?” Maggie asked, catching Alex completely off guard with the question.

“I just got off the plane. I came right here.” She answered honestly, looking down at her disheveled clothing. She’d cleaned everything before she left but the plane ride had wrinkled them up. She shrugged and looked back up, catching Maggie’s brown eyes looking right into her own for the first time that night, with a softness she hadn’t expected.

“Why?”

“Why?” Alex said, not really sure what Maggie meant by that question. “Maggie because I- I never should have left you like that. It’s haunted me from the second it happened. I had to make it right as soon as I could.”

“You’ve said what you wanted to say.” Maggie said, hanging her head. Alex nodded and turned to leave, reading Maggie’s body language as that. “Why are you here? Apart from the apology. I know there’s something more.”

“It’s nothing.” Alex commented, turning back around but not meeting Maggie’s eye. “I’ll just go.”

“No. No, I want to know, please?” She was almost pleading now, she didn’t want to say anything about how she felt before she knew where Alex’s head was at. Because she’d left before. What was keeping her from leaving again?

The silence between them stretched out, seconds ticking by as Maggie watched the micro expressions in Alex’s face. She knew Alex was trying hard to remain stoic, but emotions always slipped through. Always. Alex wasn’t immune to that. When she spoke, she spoke softly. If Maggie had been any farther away she wouldn’t have heard her.

“I missed you. I fucked up and I left because I was scared and didn’t know how to react.” Alex confessed “I’ve been hurt before and I’ve hurt people too. I hated thinking about either of those options for us. And I thought that by leaving before we could really become anything, that I was saving us both from that anguish I’ve felt in the past.

“But I realized that that was probably the most idiotic thing I could have done. Because you’re different and I didn’t realize that until I was halfway across the world having just abandoned the first person in _years_ who has broken past the walls I put up.

“I want to be with you. That’s why I’m here.

“So if you want this, if you want us, tell me. Because I’m all in. I don’t want to live a life without you. I tried that and I don’t ever want to do it again. I’m yours, Maggie Sawyer, I’m so incredibly yours.”

The words hung in the air as if Alex had literally written them out across posters and hung them in Maggie’s doorway; suspended in a moment that Alex would remember for the rest of her life, regardless of Maggie’s answer. Because bearing her soul wasn’t something she often did, hell, it wasn’t something she _ever_ did.

“Alex…” Maggie whispered so, so softly, as if saying her name any louder would ruin it. Alex looked up, finally, her heart pounding so loud she was surprised it wasn’t waking people up. She looked at Maggie, the woman that had changed her more than anyone ever had. She’d kept strong this entire time, having known she needed to, but she was breaking now, she was crying right alongside the detective, who was still standing motionless, hands still at her sides, as she took in everything that had just happened.

Alex shifted her stance, the first movement by either of them since Maggie had said her name, and suddenly Maggie was jumping forward and into her arms. Alex caught her with ease, her hands strong on Maggie’s back as she felt the smaller woman’s arms wrap around her just as tightly.

She felt Maggie sob against her, face buried in her neck. Alex’s heart broke as she just held Maggie tightly, crying herself as well. She readjusted her grip and lifted Maggie up, feeling legs wrap around her waist and allow her legroom to walk into the apartment and shut the door.

And there she stood, just holding Maggie as they both cried for all the time lost. Broken to the core for different reasons but hearts now beating as one. They were clinging to each other, as if the second they let their grips falter they’d be pulled part again.

“I’m still so mad at you.” Maggie muttered through sobs, and Alex nodded in understanding, she was still mad at herself too. But clearly that was a topic for another time because then Maggie’s lips were crashing against hers. The passion behind the kiss was like nothing Alex had ever experienced, and it made her melt. She was Maggie’s and Maggie was hers. Nothing could stop that anymore. Nothing.

Alex set her down again leaning her forehead down against Maggie’s and letting the tears fall from her eyes now, letting all that stress and pain that had built up over five months of active duty break her. She was back where she was meant to be, with Maggie, and she never wanted to leave.

“I’m so sorry Maggie.” She choked out, sighing as she attempted to calm her breathing. Maggie simply nodded and looked up at Alex, into those gorgeous eyes, wiping away the tears from her cheeks, running her hands gently through the back of Alex’s hair to calm her down.

They stood there together for a long, long time. Minutes ticked by and their breathing slowed, the reality of everything that was happening finally setting in. The space they shared, the yearning that was tangling itself into both their hearts, and the sorrow that they’d felt for months all spilling free around them. As if they were the only two people in the universe again, trapped in a moment so tender and so full of emotions that the rest of the world was shattering under that weight.

Maggie spoke first. Breaking that silence and grounding Alex once more.

“Take me to bed.” She whispered, pulling herself flush against Alex again as she pressed the softest of kisses to her lips, asking silently if they could just forget all of the hurt for a little bit. Wanting to relieve them both of the load they’d been carrying for far too long, even just for the night. “Alex, please. I’m all yours tonight.” Alex looked up at Maggie then, eyes meeting again, but a fire within them that hadn’t been there before.

She straightened her back and shrugged off her coat, leaving her in her US Army t-shirt, camo pants, and military grade boots, looking rather powerful. The glow of the few lights on in Maggie’s apartment allowed for a partial cover of darkness to fall over the solider, a shiver running down Maggie’s spine as she took it all in. Corporal Alex Danvers and the sheer amount of authority she held standing in front of her, with a lethal look in her eye.

Before she even knew what had hit her, Alex had her hands strong on Maggie’s hips and was lifting her into her arms easily, wrapping a strong arm around her waist when Maggie hung on with her legs as Alex walked them both deeper into her apartment and towards the bedroom, using her free hand to swing the door open and feel for the mattress.

Alex lay Maggie down on the bed slowly, letting her hair fall in front of her face as she hovered over her, not making a move but just looking at the woman she’d been using as an anchor for months. She was kicking off her boots after having untied them in the dark of night with one hand, hearing them thud heavily on the wooden floors.

“Alex– ” Maggie started, stopping as she felt gentle hands sliding her shirt up her torso, melting into the touch as her eyes rolled back. Slowly and methodically, Alex lifted the shirt higher and higher, kissing every inch of newly exposed skin as she made her way up. And Maggie was sinking deeper and deeper into the woman’s embrace, giving her complete control.

With her shirt gone and Maggie completely naked above the waist, Alex paid particular attention to every scar and every mark on Maggie’s chest and neck. All the scrapes she’d gotten from being on the police force. All the blows she’d suffered even before then, from all the hate she’d seen in her life. Alex was taking time to take care of each part of Maggie’s life, showering her with love instead of hate. She was gentle and slow and perfect, more perfect than Maggie had even remembered.

The room was lit only by the streetlights coming through the shear blinds that hung over the window, and it was well romantic enough for them both as they kissed slowly, taking their time in exploring each other. It was slower, it was softer, and it was more about remembering each other this time. And they moved together flawlessly.

“You’re beautiful, Maggie.” Alex said softly, propping herself up over Maggie and smiling gently. Maggie’s eyes bore into hers as she smiled back, gorgeous dimples in full view. She pulled Alex down softly to kiss her again, hearing the woman on top of her whispering “beautiful” every so often as they just kissed, taking full advantage of the time they had.

The heat started to rise then as Maggie pulled Alex closer and closer, lifting her hips to meet Alex’s as she slid her own hands up the back of the deep green t-shirt. She felt as Alex smiled against her lips and moved down to kiss her neck, biting down softly occasionally as she moved with Maggie, her hands romancing across her sides and down towards her waistline. Alex lifted her hips then, taking off Maggie’s belt and undoing her pants as she kissed her way back down her torso, giving her breasts some much needed attention.

Maggie hissed as she arched her back into the touch, head falling backwards and nails scraping hard down Alex’s back. She heard Alex laugh a little as she kept up the torturously slow journey down her body, finally reaching her waistline and kissing her thighs as she pulled her pants off easily and tossed them on the floor. She then stood up and the end of the bed and just looked down at Maggie, naked apart from her underwear and smirked, knowing the slowness of her movements were torturing her.

“Get your ass back here Danvers.” Maggie said, leaning up on her elbows and cocking her head sideways with a cheeky smile spreading across her face. Alex didn’t need to be told twice and she leaned forward and pulled Maggie’s underwear off swiftly and fell back on top of her, crashing their mouths together again.

Alex supported her weight with one hand while the other was gripping Maggie’s waist strongly using the leverage it provided to hold her as close as she should, feeling the return of Maggie’s hands up her shirt, which she was determined to keep on, knowing that this night was all about Maggie getting what she needed and deserved. At least for now.

And that’s exactly what happened.

Alex’s hand slid in between their bodies and teased at Maggie’s entrance as her lips were back on her neck and collar bones, Maggie unable to concentrate on anything other than enjoying the beautiful girl pleasuring her at that moment. She moaned loudly as Alex’s thumb hit her clit while she slipped a finger inside her, then added another one she felt comfortable doing so.

With a thigh pressed against the back of her hand, Alex matched Maggie’s movements, although changing her pace as she felt fit, wanting to let Maggie ride this out as long as she wanted or could, providing anything and everything the woman wanted.

Alex used her free hand to life Maggie’s lower back up, hand strong on her back and her mouth roamed across her upper torso, remembering just the right spots that drove Maggie wild, trying to concentrate on providing an all-around pleasurable experience, not leaving one inch of skin untouched in some sort of way.

Maggie hit her orgasm exactly when Alex wanted her too, the timing perfectly on point with the movements they shared. Her head was thrown back as she moaned loudly, Alex taking advantage of her lover’s position and kissing her neck slowly and passionately, not letting up on any other ministrations. She kept up with it until Maggie’s body stilled under hers and the scratches she’d felt on her back became caresses instead.

“Don’t leave.” Maggie said quietly, pulling Alex down to kiss her softly, Alex complying as she left herself lay down softly on top of the girl, nodding in between kisses and only replying a few minutes later.

“I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” She whispered, rolling over and awkwardly wiggling out of her pants and tossing them on the ground followed by her t-shirt, leaving her in her sports bra and boyshorts with a dopey grin on her face as Maggie immediately rolled to throw an arm around her waist and pull herself closer.

* * *

When the sun came through the blinds the next morning, Maggie didn’t have to wonder, not like she had last time. Because she could feel Alex wrapped in her arms. She could feel warm skin and hear soft breaths. Maggie recognized the gentleness between them, as if someone had breathed new life into the beaten soldier and the recovering detective. Broken and ripped to shreds only to have the mere presence from the other person slowly stich them back together, as if falling into each other’s eyes had sparked a reanimation. She felt safe, and this, whatever it was, felt right. So incredibly right, as if she’d been waiting for Alex her whole life. Maggie basked in the slowness of the morning, opening her eyes after a few minutes, Alex’s beauty catching her attention immediately as she slept, back flush against Maggie’s chest.

Fender was the one to pull her out of the high of being wrapped up with Alex Danvers on a perfect morning. He came up to Maggie’s side of the bed and nudged her a little, tail wagging rapidly as he waited for her to get up and let him outside and feed him, not used to Maggie sleeping in so late, even though it was just past 8am.

It was when she was sliding out of bed that she saw the tattoo on the back of Alex’s left shoulder. She’d known about the roman numerals on her right wrist, but now she was doubly intrigued, not knowing what either of them meant. With a shrug, she grabbed some underwear and smirked as she picked up Alex’s US ARMY t-shirt off the floor and tugged it on, quietly padding out of her room and towards the kitchen. She let Fender out and yawned, putting on a pot of coffee before flipping on the morning news and plopping down on her couch with a big blanket to wait for her morning drink to be ready. She must have dozed off because she was woken up by the coffee maker beeping quietly from the kitchen, no recollection of any TV-watching having happen.

She stretched and got up, walking over and pouring herself a mug, debating whether or not to pour one for Alex too, seeing as she knew how she liked it. She was just deciding to leave the extra mug empty when soft arms wrapped around her from behind. She leaned back into the warm embrace without a second thought, setting down her mug and wrapping her arms around Alex’s as gentle lips found her neck, both of them swaying slowly together.

“Good morning beautiful” Alex said quietly, squeezing Maggie slightly and then reaching around her to lift Maggie’s mug of coffee back into her lover’s hands before sidestepping her slightly to pour one herself, bringing it to her mouth immediately and sighing as the hot liquid ran down her throat. “Might want to let Fender in.” she added, nodding sideways at the dog with the pleading eyes and wagging tail waiting patiently at the door.

Maggie laughed and opened the door, letting in the excited pup, who said a quick good morning to Alex before jetting off to grab his favourite chew toy and curl up next to the couch. She watched him go and then turned back to Alex, who had stepped closer, surprising Maggie for the second time that morning. They shared a soft kiss before Maggie grabbed her hand and lead her to the couch, sitting sideways and facing Alex, legs tucked up under her. Alex raised an eyebrow and chuckled softly.

“What is it?” She asked Maggie, who seemed rather curious about something.

“Your tattoos.”

“Yes, I have some, is that a problem?” Alex asked with contempt, not sure where Maggie was headed with her comment.

“No, no. Not at all, I was just wondering what they meant.” Maggie added, leaning back into the arm of the couch as she took and a long sip of coffee, waiting for Alex’s explanation about them. She could tell the soldier was contemplating where to start.

“I got this first one,” she said, pointing to the roman numerals on her right wrist, “when I was eighteen. My father was a casualty of war, he passed away when I was almost seventeen. April 27th, 2006. That’s the date. I got it for him, and he’s the reason I joined the army.”

“And the shoulder one?”

“It’s the paramedic’s logo. I got that one shortly after I joined on full-time at the hospital.” She explained, turning to Maggie could get a good look at her left shoulder blade, feeling soft fingers trace the tattoo. “I take pride in my job, I wanted to reflect that in the piece.”

“They’re beautiful, Alex.” Maggie said, smiling greatly as Alex turned back around. “I’m sorry about your dad, that can’t have been easy, I’m glad you found strength in it though, he would be so proud of you.”

Alex nodded and swallowed hard, clearly holding back tears. Maggie’s heart broke a little as she put her coffee down and immediately pulled Alex into her arms, feeling her tears come loose, as Alex cried softly, not like last night. This crying was deeper, scars coming to the surface, reopened by the memories that accompanied them; this crying was the type Maggie assumed had happened for weeks, months, maybe even years, after Alex’s father had passed away, crying quietly in her room because she’d had to be strong for so long and for so many. These tears were those of longing and of missing, of needing someone who could never return, mourning that loss of potential. So, she held Alex, giving her that support and that love she needed, until her eyes dried up and she was pulling back to kiss her softly. Alex’s next words surprised Maggie, because the subject of her father was left in the dust. Although, maybe that shouldn’t have surprised her, Alex’s compartmentalizing not something new.

“What about your tattoo?” Alex asked as she wiped her face clean and composed herself. Maggie smiled and turned around like Alex had, lifting up the sleeve on the t-shirt to give Alex a proper look at the tattoo on the back of her upper right arm, wherein an elk with simple geometrics was inked, all in beautiful line work.

“It’s a reminder of Nebraska. A lot went wrong there, but it’s ultimately where I grew up, where I found myself, and where I started being shaped into the person I am today,” she explained “I don’t want to pretend what hurt me didn’t happen, I wanted to overcome it. And when I did, I got that tattoo.”

“It’s beautiful Mags” She commented, smiling as Maggie had at hers. Alex’s mind then started shifting gears again as she perked up and her smiled widened. She got up then, dragging Maggie with her to the bedroom. Confused, Maggie simply followed until Alex added “Come on, get dressed, I have someone I want you to meet.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thanks for the read. I'm working on chapter 14 as fast as I can for you guys. Busy life with university but I'm working my best, and I want to work more on this story because it's been one of my favourites to write. 
> 
> Let me know what you think and I'll see you soon! 
> 
> Also, images of all of the tattoos mentioned in this chapter are up on the #TakeMeBackAU tag on my twitter if you're interested!
> 
> Cheers
> 
> Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/user/agent.bond.15/playlist/5CXdmgqHKsPMdYcywVCmHC?si=MfAjXU-IT9Sf9Yjejcgm4A  
> Tumblr: nat-on-the-run  
> Twitter: @nerdalert_nat -> #TakeMeBackAU


End file.
